RHONJ Recap: Growing Pains
This week's episode went off with a bang when Siggy finally got the pellets put in her butt to help with her hormones. Her BFF Dolores accompanied her along for the ride to see the doctors transform Soggy Flicker back into SIGGY Flicker. Little Miss Margaret would be happy about that. While the two Jersey girls giggled and gaggled in the doctors office, Dolores was spilling all kinds of tea about Teresa's marriage. Dolores was pissed about the other girls critizing her relationship with Frank, while Danielle is on her 56th engagement and Teresa has a husband doing time in the slammer.
Miss Catania even brought up how Frank has always been better to her than Joe has been to Teresa and she even talked about Juicy Joe's shady cheating rumours. Dolores has been Teresa's friend for 25+ years so she knows where all the bodies are buried. Hey, maybe Jacqueline was right about Joe fucking his secretary and the baby sitter. Now, Dolores was speaking FACTS in the doctors office but this conversation is definitely gonna come back and bite her toned, loyal ass.
While Dolores watched her bestie get injections in her butt, Margaret was talking with Marge Sr who had a car with eyelashes and pigtails to match her daughter. The extra-ness of it all, I love it! I still think that Marge should mess around with Tre's dad. He's newly single! Margaret told her mom all about her unexpected beef with Dolores so she called up Miss Loyalty and they organised a meet up. Don't you love a perfectly produced Housewives meet up. You know, when they say I'll text you the place which really means: the producers are gonna find a place that will let us film and they'll let you know. That's right I've been in the Housewives game a looongggg time.
The most eyeopening part of the episode was Dolores and Margaret's sit-down. Obviously Dolores has Siggy's back 50000% so they was NO way she was gonna admit Siggy's faults to her arch enemy. The girls ended up moving past Margaret's feud with Siggy and bonded on a deeper level. Dolores opened up about her ex husband's cheating and their divorce which lead to her being a single mother, while Margaret channelled her inner Soggy Flicker and cried about how her step children refuse to talk to her, after she cheated on their father. Step or not, a child is a child so it must be hard for Marge to be dealing with all of this. Seeing Margaret cry really humanised her and gave her more depth which was a change from the wise ass in pigtails that we are used to.
The rest of the episode all pretty much revolved around the Gorga and the Giudice kids. These children have been running around in the background for years and now to have storylines focused around them I realised how GROWN they are. I still remember Teresa giving birth to Audriana, and now she's 7! Mind blown.
Teresa took her brood down to Puerto Rico with her dad, I'm not really sure why the cameras needed to follow them down there, but I'm sure the producers enjoyed their free trip. Danielle called her to "check in" and plant seeds about Dolores in Teresa's head. It makes me so mad because I can see the cogs turning in Danielle's head and I want her to stop what she's doing before she really fucks up Teresa and Dolores friendship. Tre tried to talk to her spitfire Milania about loosing her mother but she got her prison sentence thrown right back in her face. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Milania is my favourite Giudice kid, I mean is there any other options? Gia acts all grown, Audriana is too young and Gabriella is counting down the days till she can head to college and get the hell away from her crazy family. Come to think of it, have we ever heard her speak?
Tre and her dad also cried about the loss of her mother while he told her she needs to actually displine her children. Teresa tried to do a nice photoshoot on the beach with her kids and those four girls ran a muck while Teresa just sat there and took it. I bet Juicy Joe wasn't doing that when he was looking after those girls. Seeing Teresa take her girls and father on this trip really made me realise that she is the matriarch of the family. The ditzy shit starter is gone and she's now strong, determined and she actually makes sense when she forms sentences now. Now THIS is Teresa 2.0.
Back in Jersey, Joe Gorga was learning how to be less strict with his daughter. We already know that Joe has "traditional values" from when he didn't want his wife to work, but now he doesn't want his daughter to date. I don't think any father wants to picture his beautiful daughter running around with some greaseball but Joe was literally high-fiving his son who has 3 girls which wasn't really fair on little Antonia. After Melissa did some meddling she learned how much Antonia was scared of her dad so like any good wife, she carried the bones back to her husband and told him to fix it. Joe resolved the issue with a little trampoling and a D'n'M with his daughter which made everything better. Also, I didn't realise that Joe shaves his legs. Well okay Mr Gorga, you do YOU!
Next week the ladies are going on a test run of Siggy's new relationship retreat and as an educated Housewives fan, my prediction is that it will be anything but a retreat.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the craziest ladies in Jersey!