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RHOA Recap: Jive Turkeys

It's episode three and Porsha is still reaching for her storyline. None of the girls want to film with her messy ass so she's using the excuse that her family is everything to her. Ugh. She went with her mom and sister to be wrapped up like mummies and then did a workout to achieve her booty goals. When is Porsha gonna admit to her butt implants? We all know that her ass was deflated her first few seasons on the show before she found her inner THOTness.

Porsha also decided that she wants to fulfil her life long dream of opening her own hair salon, it just seems like ANOTHER reach for a storyline. Porsha wanted her salon to be open and ready in three months (so it would be done during filming) but the investors broke the news that it will be more like nine months which crushed Porsha's storyline idea. The Queen of THOTLanida also didn't want to actually work there but only pop in and out to leave her assistant sister doing all the work. Of course Lauren was pissed and she fired up against her thick thighed sister. Ultimately nothing got resolved and Porsha was left with no one to film with. How is she still on the show?

50 Cynt is still out dating and I think she finally met her dream guy, well the guy that she's been posting pictures on Instagram with so that must mean something. I'm not sure how I feel about watching Cynthia date a new guy in each episode because this bitch is acting like Goldilocks. Some guys are too young, some are too weird, maybe the next one will be just right. Even though Cynthia officially has no personality, NeNe and Kenya were obsessed with her dating life. Is Cynthia's dating life interesting to everyone but me?

Speaking of Miss Moore, well Mrs Daly - her husband is still not being filmed. I guess Kenya's entire storyline this season is just going to be talking about how her husband hates fame and cameras - so basically everything that describes Kenya Moore. She also spilled the tea that he is still in New York and she is in Atlanta but they see each other on the weekends, that is no what a marriage makes! I would be getting spies to follow his ass around 24/7 to make sure that he doesn't have any side hoes running around with him. Or maybe these two have an arrangement? I don't know, I know Kenya and I DO think her marriage is real, but she needs to be more honest and upfront about everything because the whole situation is very shady right now and she just looks like an idiot. I was LIVING for her confessional look though! I couldn't find any visuals, but it was the one with her purple dress and lion mane.

NeNe invited the cameras into Casa Leakes for the first time. I can't remember if she was living there back in season 7 but I don't think she was. NeNe's life is SO confusing. The house is beautiful though. Gregg had some problems with his heart so he headed down the hospital where he is dealing with some serious health problems. I'm not exactly sure what is wrong with him, maybe I missed it? He is still alive and kicking though so don't worry! If you do your research then you would know that Gregg is WAY older than NeNe. It is a very Lisa Vanderpump and Ken situation which explains why NeNe has NO idea about any of her finances. Also NeNe and Gregg's son Brett is G-R-O-W-N! Those flashbacks always make me feel older.

She by Sheree is also throwing her mom a 70's themed, 70th birthday. Get it? Sheree is so irrelevant at times, but I love it. I NEVER want to see her messy ass of the show, she is truly one of the all time greats. Sheree also hired a party planner to help throw her party and you can just guess how that went down. Remember Sheree's old party planner? Yeah, don't fuck with Miss Whitfield, or she will coin an iconic Housewives phrase. I mean, she is still making t-shirts from her eight year old fight with that party planner. Basically her party planner didn't deliver and got the wrong table cloths and didn't put the dance floor in the right place. Sheree got mad and called the party planner to come fix it. Suddenly Little Miss Party Planner quit because she didn't like the way Sheree was speaking to her. Bitch, that was Sheree being nice! After her second party planner drama, She by Sheree was Pissed By Sheree and was tearing up her damn house.

After her meltdown, Sheree threw on her 70's costume, took a deep breath (and maybe a xanax) and celebrated her mom's birthday. NeNe entered Chateau Sheree for the first time since she declared that it was Neverland, but I guess Miss Leakes was proven wrong! All six peaches were in attendance but somehow there was NO DRAMA AT ALL! What is happening to the world? After some soul train moves the party was over and I was left wanting my drama fix. Next week WIG IS BACK in the ATL and she is crashing NeNe's white party and fighting with Kenya. I am ready boo!

The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the our favourite Georgia peaches.

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