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RHOA Recap: Shape by Sheree

Just as the train started moving ahead this season, I feel like we got slowed right back down. Bravo is gonna have to hit us with that midseason trailer to keep me invested because I have nothing to look forward to. This was the second episode that NeNe was not in, so I guess she just decides what weeks she actually wants to show up for work and when she doesn't. That rich bitch is getting paid the most to film and she's appearing the least. Talk about inequality.

While NeNe was getting a facial and pretending that she is an actress in Hollywood, Sheree was buying furniture for her unfinished basement which messy Kenya exposed last season. She by Sheree wants a movie theatre, spa and sauna down in her dingy basement. Why is she wasting her checks on basement furniture when it should be going towards her water and electricity bill?

Kenya, Kandi and Cynthia all went over to Lake Bailey to discuss all the latest tea following their explosive trip away. Mrs Daly assured the girls that Marc is a real life, living and breathing man and that they will get to meet him shortly but Cynthia was mad that she didn't have any receipts to provide when Marlo was interrogating her. Kandi also spilled the tea on Sheree's recent prison boo online pics which are hilarious. She is really working it in front of that jailbird wallpaper while wearing a Wifey t-shirt. Sheree is not a wifey but she did tell Porsha that she would like to be. Do I see a jail bird wedding special coming up?

Peter is also back in Atlanta to discuss his new business deal with 50 Cynt. I am all the way over talking, looking and thinking about Peter. That man should have been done with reality TV when he signed those divorce papers because NO ONE wants to see him on the show trying to fake a rekindled romance with Cynthia. It's not gonna work, so he should take his black ass to Charlotte and keep sticking it in those waitresses.

After 50 Cynt was done with Peter she headed over to her new boo Will's boat. Of course we were gifted with the flashback of Cynthia's last time on a boat. HA! We see you Porsha! Always pick the man with the boat Miss Cynthia! She invited all the couples to join her on the boat but Marc won't come within 200 feet of any Bravo cameras and NeNe is pretending to be in LA, so Kandi and Todd were the only couple to join the new love birds.

Kandi proved that she is Mama Joyce's daughter by interrogating Cynthia's possibly opportunist boyfriend. Kandi found receipts of Will on dating shows and brought that up. Cynthia's light skinned boo shut down the rumours but I still have a sneaky suspicion that Will loves the cameras being on him. After the grilling was over Cynthia and Kandi talked about how the sex might be bad and Miss Bedroom Kandi told her to look at the thickness of his hand? WHAT? I've never heard that but Bravo gave us receipts that Will has a pretty thick hand. 50 Cynt also brought up that the sex may be bad IN FRONT of her new boyfriend. I have no words. I know she was a model but I didn't know she was that clueless.

Porsha also wants to start dating for a storyline and told her new dating service that she is down for the swirl but doesn't want nobody that looks like a thumb. Well those are good guidelines. She also showed the girls her twin bedrooms and swing set which she has for her kids one day. Pump the breaks Queen of THOTlandia.

Miss wannabe vegan went on her date and was not impressed with what she had been delivered with. He was a 40-something, white, chubby guy that definitely didn't have deep pockets because if he did Porsha would have been ALL over that. Central casting must have been in a messy mood when they sent his ass over. She said they could only have a 30 minute date which is basically a nice way of having: you're ugly. By the end of the date it was pretty clear that they're wouldn't be a round two but I'm sure Porsha can look through her DM's for her next African Prince. Yes, the streets have been talking about how Miss Williams can really afford those cars.

She by Sheree FINALLY sat down with her kids to talk about the abuse in her relationship with Bob. It was awkward as fuck. I'm not sure if her kids were born with the ability not to speak or if they are just camera shy because they barley uttered two words and Sheree delivered the news in such a bad way. But with her one goal done, she reported back to her life coach Jack Daniels (the irony) but was interrupted by her prison bae's phone call. She HAD to pick up because she can't call him back. Jack Daniels was flawed when she told him the tea about her new romance. Obviously he isn't reading the blogs. He finally got Sheree out of one crisis and now she's dating a convicted felon? Shady boots!

The Real Housewives of Atlanta returns January 7th at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches.

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