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Shade of the Week: Dorit Kemsley

Do I even need to explain this week's shade choice? Dorito's insufferable behaviour on the last two seasons of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills should speak for itself. I'd also like to note that I literally changed Dorit's tag at the bottom of the page to Dorito Kemsley because I hate her that much.

First we have to start with the husband (insert Kim Richard's Harry Hamlin Amsterdam dig.) PK is probably the worst house husband of any franchise. Aside from the fact that he looks like a swollen thumb, Paul Kemsley gets too involved in his wife's friendship drama and always feels the need to subtly brag about his faux wealth. Do these people have any fans? I am genuinely asking at this point. If you can tolerate Dorito and PK (Phat Kunt) then comment below and let me know why and which mental institution you have been recently housed in. The couple are also renting that house and had to move to Miami for the summer while the owner did renovations on the house so that it would sell. It's not bad to be renting but it is bad when you pass off the renovations like it was your own idea.

Can we also talk about her hair for a second? I don't understand it. Obviously her stylist hates her because out of her 85 hairdo's that she's had in the last season all of them have been bad. Dorito has different hair in every scene which just makes it even more transparent that she wants to be Erika Jayne. The hair, the makeup, the clothes and her sad excuse of a glam squad all look like cheap attempts to try and rival Erika's empire and like fetch, it's never gonna happen. Erika roams the world with her bevy of gays but Dorito's glam squad consists of two girls with the blowdryers that are paid to tell her how pretty her uneven bob look is.

Aside from her husband and overall appearance we still have the issue of how she interacts with other human beings. Fuck this is going to be a long article. From her cocaine beef with Rinna to her stupid late drama with Teddi, Dorito always acts blameless and as if she hasn't done anything wrong. If she would acknowledge her cunty behaviour and own it then many of her problems would subside and not be as big of an issue but it seems like this fake accent using devil in carnet doesn't have the self awareness or tact to do so. This is why dumb issues like PantyGate and now, LateGate become bigger issues than they are supposed to be.

If Dorito initially told Teddi in LateGate that she thought that the meeting time was 4.30 and she's sorry, then it would have been done. Instead she decided to go on the offensive and talk to everybody except Teddi about the issue and said she was 30 minutes late not an hour late. Either way it was a cunty move but of course she isn't willing to accept any blame and now we've wasted a few episodes of this season talking about a confusion over what time two girls were meeting for drinks.

The final shade worthy thing about Dorito (well not final because I could do this for a year) is her feud with Camille. Boy George's keeper got drunk and called Saint Camille a stupid cunt in front of her new boyfriend which ignited their beef. Camille Grammer is not a bitch that you want to fuck with and Dorito should know that from season one. Dorito's initial response to LVP about her comments were that Camille can't take a joke. Umm, since when was Dorito considered funny? Every franchise has different roles that everyone slips into and the funny spot on Beverly Hills is already taken by Rinna and partially LVP. That leaves Dorito left with the pretentious dumb cunt spot that Aviva Dresher and most of the Potomac housewives know all too well.

Even though I'm not that fond of Dorito (can't you tell?) I don't want her to go anywhere. My brain hurts every time she's on screen and I have a recurring nightmare that I'm her kid that can't speak but I think that the show needs someone for everybody to hate because it's fun and the show has been that boring this season that it's the only upside. Next season Brandi Glanville needs to come back to reclaim her diamond and put Dorito back in place because someone needs to call her out on her bottomless pit of bullshit - thanks Camille!