RHOP Recap: Ding-A-Ling Swing

These Potomac ladies are really giving the Beverly Hills women a run for their money, and we know that they have a lot of that. How did it happen that both Dallas and Potomac were 100% times better than OC and BH in this last Housewives cycle? This just proves that we need some more new franchises because the newer shows have to work to keep their shows on the air and provide us with actual good television, while the older ones get stale because they know they'll be instantly renewed.

This week was the second episode and we finally got to meet the latest newbie Candiace. I like her, for now. She is Ashley's friend from the pageant world which already sounds like a reason to hate her, but she isn't all bad. Miss Dillard has a white fiancé with three kids and two baby mamas, talk about mess. She seems real, down to earth and not afraid to put a hoe in her place, which is what I like to see in my Housewives. Hopefully Miss Candiace and her pageant sash don't let me down this season. She first appeared at an event held at Ashley's struggling restaurant Oz, but she seemed to get along better with Monique more than the girl that actually brought her on the show. The two ladies bonded over their significant others having the same name, empowering women, being fake proper and their musical abilities while Ashley sat their and chugged her beers. Maybe we'll get a new Housewives single?

Robyn and her family decided to move houses out of their tiny Hanover townhouse and into a slightly bigger townhouse just around the corner. Why does she get to stay on the show and live in Hanover when Charrisse is a "friend of" but actually has a Potomac zip code? Who made that choice? It's not that I don't like Robyn, she's just a little too vanilla and her relationship with Juan annoys me. They are basically a couple, the live together, parent together and fuck together, so I'm not sure why they are being hesitant with getting all the way back together when they really never broke up. I mean you can tell that she is still super in love with him just from the way that her green eyes tinkle whenever his toned ass walks by.

Another couple that we caught up with was Gizelle and her boo Sherman. If I was dating someone called Sherman, I wouldn't repeat their name 100 times in a sentence to remind everyone of their bad name. I don't really have anything bitchy to say about Sherman, but I was not ready for him to take those sunglasses off. The couple went on a date in a vineyard and after they talked about combining their families, Brady Bunch style, they went off to fuck in the vines. I don't think they actually did because Gizelle would have more class and integrity than to get dicked out in amongst the grapes while a camera crew were 30 feet away, I mean this isn't Danielle Staub, but she did let us know that Sherman has a big package and has torn down all her walls, so maybe she couldn't resist a little quickie with Shermie?

All the ladies are still obsessed with Karen's finances but the weirdest thing about the whole situation is her hair. Whoever is doing her wigs needs to be fired or placed in a psych ward. Seriously, I know that Miss Huger's hairline doesn't start until half way down her head but that doesn't mean that her wigs have to look a mess all the time. The Grand Dame Deficit decided to hold a press conference for all the ladies to address the rumours surrounding her financial situation and bought herself a $100K car while her husband owes $5 million in taxes. She claims that they have seperate accounts which is probably true, but Karen doesn't work so the money in her checking account would've come straight from the Black Bill Gates.

The day finally came for The Grand Dame Deficit's press conference and she brought her chubby white minion Matt along to sit in the corner and record everything that happened. What the fuck? Doesn't she see the cameras in her face that are documenting her every move? Her assistant/slave is not wanted or needed here. Gizelle dawned a t-shirt for the occasion that read #GodBlessTheHugers, #FreeUncleBen #FreeKaren and #TaxReform. The mess was real and I was living for it. She should start selling those on Etsy as her side hustle because I want me one of those! Once all the ladies arrived Karen set the ground rules for the press conference and brought out Gizelle's Twitter feed as her first talking point. I understand that Karen doesn't want her friends talking bad about her but she doesn't give them actual responses or tell them what is going on with her, so it's hard for them to defend her because they don't even know what to defend.

The things I actually learned from this messy press conference was that she didn't move to Great Falls because of the tax issues (allegedly), she has a separate checking account from the Black Bill Gates even though she doesn't work, and she lied last week when she said she didn't read blogs, because she knew ALL THE TEA on Ashley's husband's gay ways in London and talked about his swinging ding-a-ling. I only found out about the story last week and blogged about it 3 days ago and then suddenly it came up on the show, talk about timing being a mother fucker. That tea was only on a few websites and hadn't been brought up on the last two seasons of the show, so Grand Dame Deficit must have some google alerts on when it comes to the blogs. But seriously, read the story here because it is juicy as fuck, and pretty believable. However there is a pretty big difference between reading about one friend's finances in the Washington Post and reading about another friend's husband's gay exploits on a shady blog, Good Tea included.

After Karen slammed Ashley's man everything started to get heated and when Robyn asked Miss Huger if she could be indicted she shut down, didn't want to answer anymore questions and told everyone to mind their own business. What the actual fuck? Did Karen Huger really have a press conference to talk about Karen Huger but then refuse to actually talk about Karen Huger? Nothing actually got established from this meeting and it just was just an example of delusion in it's highest form. However like usual, aside from her shady answers, the most confusing part was her hair. Karen looked like she had gone on a three day coke bender in the 80s and then fallen asleep in a park where a racoon attached itself to her scalp. I mean can you say tragic? As much as I shade Karen, her bad wigs and delusional attributes are the things I like the most about her and she is making the season.

The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 10/9c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.