RHONY Recap: The De Lesseps Pivot
Sonja Tremont Morgan is officially getting the bitch edit this season and has become the leper of the group by always sitting on the end of the table away from the team of blondes she's feuding with. Keep in mind, we wouldn't have any drama right now if it wasn't for Sonja and her reckless lips (I'm not necessarily talking about the ones on her face,) so I'm not mad at her. Although everyone's quick to call Sonja a broken bird, a drunk and a liar, I think she's just misunderstood and lonely.
When Sonja calmly broke down her reasons for being mad at Ramona and Tinsley to Bethenny it all made sense. She felt abandoned by The Singer Stinger who always throws her under the bus and was mad that Mugshot Mortimer complained about living in her house but had the finances to move out on her own. In some aspects, Sonja is a smart woman but that gets lost in translation by all the tangents she goes on when fighting with the women and confuses them to the point where they just concede the fight because their brains start to hurt. She just needs to pinpoint the exact reason for her anger and use that as her evidence instead of talking about the townhouse, her divorce and Tinsley being an ungrateful house guest. Like Lindsay Lohan in 2010, it's too much.
When it came time for Sonja to confront her former bestie, at her shopping party, she stuck to the same argument and was consistent in her points, however, Ramona stormed off because Sonja "wasn't making sense". Am I crazy because every word Miss Morgan was logical, clear and I understood everything she was saying? The Blonde fraction of the group: Adderal, Dorinda Meddler, Carrie Bradshaw & Trust Fund Barbie, just walk away from conversations with Sonja and use her delusions as a scapegoat to avoid actually listening to her, obviously, they didn't pick up on her new method of conflict resolution.
Yes, Sonja speaks out of her ass and can't control the word vomit she spews about the other women but everyone is so quick to ditch and vilify her, especially Ramona who unlike a prison bitch, doesn't have one person she's loyal to. Ramona will do anything to fall into favour with the rest of the group and Sonja is the booty call she hits up when everyone else is asleep. She "loved" Sonja last year when no one else was her friend in Mexico but now she's treating her as the latest Ebola victim.
Along with fighting with Sonja at her shopping party, Ramona (of course) couldn't help but revert back to her shit-stirring tendencies and invited Missy to her event. Sending an invitation to one of your friend's ex-husband's ex-girlfriends isn't an oversight it's a fuck you but of course Lu channelled her inner Countess and greeted the apple thirsty Missy with a WASPy hello. How does Lu always find herself in this awkward situations, I mean, she's gotten fucked on camera more times than most pornstars. However, Lu obviously had an orgasm from her latest reality TV pounding because she started hitting up Richard, a younger guy who was Missy's date and I'm 90% that Lu went home with Dick's dick. Luann de Lesseps - the ultimate MVP.
Speaking of Luann "Pirate Fucker" de Lesseps and the contradiction that is her life, she had tea with Carole Radziville, after being over half an hour late, to finally put their past behind them following years of Luann calling her a pedophile. The Carrie Bradshaw wannabe and marathon enthusiast tried to have an open conversation about their dubious relationship and Lu did the classic De Lesseps pivot, where she outwardly lies and then jokes if off when she's called out or when she tries to be slick by bringing up a smoking gun but is then shut down when her opponent reminds her she has done the exact same thing and then tries to move the conversation on without acknowledging her hypocritical behaviour. It's actually quite spectacular to watch. Through her last decade on TV, the De Lesseps pivot has been on a stable on this show and it reappeared tonight:
"I hear things you say to other people whether it’s calling Adam names..."
"I don’t call Adam names"
"You called him a toy boy"
"Oh well, big deal"
"It is a big deal"
"I think it’s kinda cute"
How can you not help but laugh? You just can't write stuff like this. Ultimately, they decided to put their past in the past and remove the uncomfortable energy in their relationship but who knows how long this superficial friendship with last. At least we won't have to watch Carole eye-roll every time Luann and her cigar stained voice enter a room.
Radziville also gave us an update on her strange relationship with Adam and declared they are together but aren’t together, but they're not friends with benefits. What? The image of Adam supplying her with "coffee" every morning truly gives me nightmares. That would be like having sex with the floorboards of a haunted house. The only thing I care about less than Carole's annoying relationship is Tinsley's dumb storyline about her Coupon Cabin boyfriend.
Holy fucking shit. The screech she made when he surprised her at her apartment was in a pitch that I'm sure only dogs can I hear, so I'm sorry to her Ginger lookalike Bambi who was sitting on the couch watching in fear. You could literally see the horror in Scott's eyes and his immediate regret of rekindling with Tinsley after her annoying outburst. The Single White Female not only deafened the camera crew when her boyfriend made his surprise appearance but she also ruined her previously applied Priv makeup she had done only hours earlier. I'm sure the Priv girl was sitting at home seething from all her wasted time and effort on applying those lashes.
Things only got weirder when Mugshot Mortimer revealed she kept the flowers Carole gave her when coupon boy broke up with her and said that she'd only throw them out once they got back together. She threw them out but I guess their back together and you could literally see the hope disappear from Scott's being when she put the flowers in the trash. What the actual fuck. I liked Tinsley last season but this year she is trying way too hard to be relevant, her voice literally gives me hives and seeing her cry into her boyfriend's chest when he surprised her made me want to set my TV on fire. RIP Scott "Coupon Cabin" Kluth.
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