RHOP Recap: I Cannes Even
The Maryland ladies finally made their way to Cannes which is probably the best Housewives vacation location ever. I like how it's tropical and fun but still metropolitan, it's literally the best of both worlds and probably the only European destination the Housewives have travelled to that isn't freezing cold and bleak as fuck, so whoever picked out this location deserves major praise and we all know it wasn't Monique.
Before the group went away between Monique pouring oil on her children because she's against western medicine (eye roll) she got in the fight that many Housewives who have come before her get in, her husband doesn't like that all her attention isn't on him and isn't okay that she's enjoying her own success and fame. This jealousy is what has killed numerous Bravo based marriages and I hope it doesn't ruin Monique's because she has a third baby on the way and we have had enough of these Tristan Thompson pregnancy cheating kinds of storylines in reality TV for right now. Monique and Chris are a good stable couple so he is going to need to adjust to her new way of life because if she gives up on the show and all the projects she's pursuing then she'll resent him forever and the marriage will definitely be doomed.
After that off-camera mishegas the crew met at the airport for their European adventure and as a result of it being "Monique's trip," she upgraded herself and Charrisse to first class. You just know that a producer used their frequent flyer miles to give those two the boughy upgrade and make the other women pissy so drama would ensue. Bravo planned the trip and made it look like Monique's idea but it must be good just to take the credit and give yourself the best room and plane seats because the other women can't say shit due to them breaking the fourth wall if they do, so everyone else has to sit and seethe in business class knowing that Monique living it up in first class for being the hostess is complete and utter bullshit. Of course, Mo's privileges of first class weren't lost on Gizelle who always manages to find the negative in every situation. I don't know what it is but that Green-Eyed Bandit can see lemonade and turn it right back into lemons and it's more draining that her sidekick Robyn's voice. Just in enjoy the flight in business and be grateful you're not crammed into economy which you would otherwise be if Bravo wasn't shouting you this overseas vacay.
Once the ladies arrived in France they saw the Prince of Monaco's helicopter arrive at the airport and in that moment The Grand Dame Deficit Karen Huger and her lopsided wigs never felt more at home. Some nights I lay awake and imagine Karen growing up on that farm and working at Wendy's dreaming to one day be royalty, her Meghan Markle moment didn't happen but she made herself the "Grand Dame" of a regional town that no one has ever heard of which I assume fulfilled her childhood ambitions of living it up in a castle with butlers and wigs that don't show your receding hairline. However, although she conquered the town of Potomac at that moment I'm surprised Karen didn't make a run for it and try to hijack the Prince's helicopter so she could fly away with his riches and leave her tax-evading life with the Black Bill Gates behind.
Finally, after a plane ride, first class upgrade drama, Karen attempting to run away with a Prince and a helicopter ride, the gang arrived in Cannes and let all their pretentious ways emerge. When we see these ladies try to be boughy and self-important in Maryland it looks dumb and desperate but in the south of France, there is no other way to act. I seriously love this location, the harbour is so pretty and it literally looks like paradise, can the ladies just move here and become The Real Housewives of Cannes because it's much better scenery than what we are used to with their current Potomac residences. I'm surprised Bravo raised their budget for the Potomac ladies and allowed them to not only travel to Europe but make them the first ones to experience this paradise.
The girls met up in Monique's penthouse suite. I'm riding with Mo and on her side but when I found out one of her excursions for this trip was to visit an essential oils factory... Girl. You are in mother fucking France and you're spending your time to look at oils? What the actual fuck. I'm with Gizelle on this one, I would be eating ice cream and getting a tan, not rubbing liquid between my wrists. Take that any way you want. Once the girls started eating Gizelle naturally asked Karen about her perfume line because they were visiting a perfume the next day and instead of answering the question, Dame Deficit got defence and attacked her back. Why can't she just tell the truth and be honest about anything? Her delusion drives the show and is what attracts me to her but why can't she just answer a question instead of making it look like she's got something to hide. Instead of perfume Karen should consider a career in law because this bitch was MADE to be a lawyer. Imagine her in a cute legal wig, aw.
Of course, this wasn't the ladies only attack of Karen. Ashley heard that Karen's gay assistant-accountant-friend-scribe-confidant was blabbing about her living situation all over the Maryland gay bar scene and claimed she was living in an apartment. Charrisse corroborated the story and said Black Bill Gates had a townhouse which she believes the two are living in and that they are renting their Great Falls house full of rented furniture. I'm confused. I believe that Karen is living in that tiny townhouse, but why would she waste money paying for that huge Great Falls house just for a TV show and not actually live there. If she's paying the rent why wouldn't she just live there? I don't get it. And how did Ashley hear this gay bar tea, was Michael there and carried the bone back to her?
Gizelle also voiced her annoyance of Monique upgrading to first class but then felt like an asshole once "the hostess" explained it was due to her fighting with her husband the night before the trip. It was good to see Mo, Gizelle and the whole group have an open and vulnerable as a group about the powerful men in their lives and the power struggles in their relationships, it's entertaining to see them fighting but this sisterhood is the foundation which makes a show great. Of course, Candiace ruined it by trying to compare her pageant queen staus to the ladies husband's NBA careers and blamed it as a source of her troubles with Brown Dick. Sometimes Candiace just needs to zip her lips and shut the fuck up because although she may be in her thirties, she doesn't seem like a grown up like the rest of the girls. Maybe she needs to get married and report back.
The next morning, everyone met in the lobby in their best Cannes fashion while Karen was there waiting in her geriatric CVS elderly runners like she was about to tear up the race track at the retirement village. Seriously I know Karen's on a budget but come on! The Green-Eyed Bandits obviously wanted to skip the oil excursion and Gizelle claimed she'd stay behind and wait for Robyn to get ready which pissed off all the other women but they took their weaves and stormed out.
Surely enough, Karen came back to hear Gizelle trashing her perfume line and out of nowhere she Miss Bryant suddenly brought up how the Black Bill Gates is obsessed with her business partner. What the fuck Gizelle? I appreciate the tea and it's probably true that he followed her around the party but what's the point of this? Does that really justify Grand Dame Deficit to hate EveryHue Beauty? I guess so because the two OGs and respective queens of this franchise starting screaming at each other in the crowded lobby while the polite little French people watched in horror as the other ladies dragged Karen out of the building, and somehow Robyn STILL wasn't ready. Maybe BBG just wanted someone to fuck since is wife gets some Blue Eyes loving. It isn't a Housewives trip if it doesn't start with yelling in a public setting.
The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.