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Shade of the Week: Vicki Gunvalson

The OG of the OC sucks.

I understand that Vicki Gunvalson is the longest running Housewife in all the cities and is basically the unofficial Queen of the franchise who has played the villain role since her lover Girth Brooks faked cancer but she is the actual worst. She blocked me on Instagram so I have no fucks left to give when it comes to Vicki and her 15th new face so let's get into all her mess.

Let's be clear, I don't hate Vicki. Ever since CancerGate I've morally been on Tamra & Shannon's side in the past, but I have to admit to being a Gunvalson sympathiser. It's not that I felt bad for her, I just knew she wasn't going anywhere and decided to enjoy her lies and fuckery instead of shitting on her for it because this woman was BORN to be on reality TV. However, it wasn't until this week's episode in particular where my Love to Hate Tank for Vicki depleted and I got pissed at her constant gaslighting ways and terrible apologies. Vicki Gunvalson has got to be one of the top Gaslighters on Bravo along with Dorito, Jax and Kim Zolciak. If Gaslighting were a medal at the Bravo Games then Vicki would be a three-time gold medal winner.

I'm happy that Vicki, Tamra and Shannon have all come together because I think it was necessary for the show after a season fuelled by their pure hatred for one another. It just confuses me how one long hug at the reunion can fix and resolve all their problems that were all caused by Vicki. Do I need to remind you that she may or may not have been involved in a cancer scam, called Eddie gay and claimed David beat the shit out of Shannon? Those three plots points drove the show and were great reasons for drama but Tamra and Shannon really never did anything to Vicki but the only person who doesn't know that... is Vicki.

She always seems to justify her actions by blaming the other party "for being mean" to her in her high pitch Michael Jackson voice, apologise by crying and then subtly backtracking by making excuses. Her apology to Eddie filled with bible verses, tears and (you guessed it) excuses was a made for TV moment. There's no way she can go from defending any and all her actions for the past three years to suddenly having that level of remorse if she was that good of an actress she would give us better apologies and not be in this mess in the first place. Has Vicki learned nothing in her thirteen years on reality TV and if not can't she even fake an apology? She literally got away with doing things that most relationships would never recover from but I love the show and I'm going along with it anyway.

Her latest fuck up was with Kelly Dodd, who has been her ONLY friend on the show for the last two seasons. While the world hated Vicki, Kelly stayed by her side even when Vicki showed her true colours and treated her like shit in Ireland. Just when Vicki finally crawled her way out of the mishegas with Tamra and Shannon, like Whack-A-Mole another problem popped up in the form of her setting Kelly's ex-husband up with a new girl and GOING ON SEVERAL DOUBLE DATES with them, but that's not the bad thing. If Steve is friends with Michael then, by all means, set them up and go on dates together, but at least tell Kelly first. It's so weird to have that vital information and just not pass it on to the friend who is the reason she's friends with Michael in the first place. It's low down, it's shitty but that's just Vicki. Hey, that rhymes.

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Instead of saying sorry for her actions Victoria Gunvalson turned the entire issue around and starting screaming in her family van voice, blaming Kelly's anger on Michael moving on. It's not about Michael moving on, it's about her friend purposely not telling her things and backing up her ex. It's a textbook Jeana Keough move (See: Tamra Judge wine throw.) I just wonder how Vicki would feel if Kelly had a BBQ and set Donn up on a date and then didn't tell her about it. Yeah, I think Briana and Ryan would be able to hear her yelling in her high pitched screech all the way from North Carolina. There's obviously *something* going on with Vicki, Briana, Ryan and Donn evidenced through all those random drunk comments she's been leaving on there family photos these last few months.

As much as Vicki and her questionable personality are driving the show, there's definitely been a lowkey and subtle shift between her and Bravo. She has been exiled to the second chair on WWHL a few times now, which sounds petty but matters, has been shafted to the outskirts of the opening introduction while Tamra has held the centre orange for the last two seasons, which sounds even pettier but trust me it matters. It's no secret that Vicki suffers from Ramona New Beginnings Syndrome and is a massive diva behind the scenes because she knows she'll never be fired but I have to wonder, how much longer can the world put up with her shitty behaviour on our screens for because she's not changing any time soon.

The bottom line is: Vicki Gunvalson is a bad person who makes great TV.