Southern Charm Reunion Recap: How To Solve A Problem Like Trashley

Where do I even begin with the problem of Trashley Eloise Jacobs, I don't actually know if Eloise is her middle name but I'd imagine it to be something boring and white like that? For the entire season, Trashley has become one of the most hated villains in Bravo history for her erratic ways and fucked up behaviour, so her appearance at this reunion was always going to be spectacular. After learning four to six women are willing to sleep with Shep on a weekly basis and Andy roasted the men about having no ambition or job (reality TV is their job Andy, let's not play dumb), it was time for Trashley to join the group. Her arrival on the stage was eery and odd like we've never seen before. She walked through the halls as Andy talked shit about her with the rest of the cast and then waited for everyone to join her on stage in a cheap second-hand wedding dress. The editors over at Haymaker really do deserve several Emmys for this season because they are the unsung heroes of the show who bring it all together.

You’d think at least after watching herself back this season Trashley would see how fucked up she was and apologise for being a terrible person who said disgusting things, but if anything it just made her crazier and it’s getting to the Kelly Bensimon-Taylor Armstrong point where it’s no longer comical to watch and it’s literally scary because this human being mentally is not here with us on planet earth. She's scary skinny and I say this as a skinny person, but the flashbacks from the beginning of the season looked like that Trashley could've eaten the Trashley sitting on the reunion sofa. It's a serious problem. For her entire time of the couches, the cast snickered amongst themselves about her weird responses, who knew Trashley could bring Naomie and Craig to smile at each other once again? She said she knew Thomas was an amazing guy when he introduced himself and asked her what her job was because it showed he cared. Um. Has Trashley never had a conversation with another human before or are her other men more of tap and go situation?

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For Trashley there’s clearly a disconnect with reality. That’s not a bitchy quip or shade because I don’t like her, it’s a fact and it’s an issue. She doesn’t see things the way they happen and lives in a completely altered universe where she can do no wrong. And it’s not that she doesn’t want to admit she isn’t wrong it’s that she’s psycho enough to actually believe she literally did nothing wrong and was justified for everything she’s said and done. Little Miss Trash said her ONE regret of the season was going shopping with Patricia instead of Kathryn and apologised for "where" she exploded at the table in Hilton Head but not for any of the content - because she still means everything she said. Trashley has known Kathryn for less than a year and developed such an unhealthy, deep-seated, obsessive hatred that like many things she does isn't logical and why? Because she wasn't invited to a two-year-old's party.

Through the whole reunion, Trashley can never just say she's sorry for what she did and move on. Nope. She constantly doubled down on all her shitty comments and brought her own "smoking guns" to try and expose more of who she thinks Kathryn is but instead she just shoots herself in the leg and it exposes her own true colours: like claiming she almost failed a drug test because she showed up late. Kathryn was at work and has a purple arm because of the amount of blood that's been pumped out of her veins and PASSED the drug test, so what the fuck is Trashley's point? It just worsens her case if anything. This hasn't even been a fair battle because Trashley hasn't made one good point or had a clear reason behind any of her actions which just caused Kathryn to come out victorious overall and show how much she has changed and the restraint she has.

The only logical explanation for Trashley's hostility is that Thomas is feeding her this bullshit. It's not an excuse for her shitty behaviour, it's an explanation. Although Trashley has done the most to go after Kathryn, everyone on the couches was still trying to wake her up to the complete and utter trance she is under from Thomas and his grubby, sexual assaulting hands. Thomas Ravenel is a disgusting human being, as evidenced through his actions on the show as well as off it, however, Trashley felt the need to defend and make excuses for his behaviour from his drunken yelling at Chelsea on the boat to him throwing a plate of leftovers at her because "she was being a brat" and tried to talk about how he's a "New Thomas" since the allegations, which just makes the brainwashing so much clearer. This relationship is wrong and psychologically fucked up because there's NO reason for her to stay when he treats her with such disrespect. Thomas has done this to Kathryn before and created her crazy ways through manipulation and emotional abuse, so it's scary the parallel this new relationship has with his old one. Trashley may have been the one on those reunion couches but Thomas got the worst edit of all because he's the corrupt, creepy puppet master behind her psycho mouth who got to hid at home in Charleston for the day and not face any consequences for his actions.

She defended him and their relationship all the way through the reunion saying he'll be cleared of all charges and there's no way the could've had sex in Shep's bathroom because "he only has sex in bed" even after he had talked shit behind her back to everyone all season. I can't believe I'm saying this but Thomas doesn't even deserve Trashley. She is under the control of his manipulation and bank account because I don't understand how anyone can watch an entire season of their boyfriend talking shit about them, openly flirting with their ex in front of them, fucking said ex a month after they started dating, wanting to break up with her several times and who knows what else happened behind closed doors, but still make excuses why they should be together. It's obvious Thomas is only staying due to all the shit she's got on him (lesbian sex tape) but why would SHE want to stay? Can't she find a reach guy in Texas to fund her life instead of staying by an (alleged) rapist's side? It makes her look terrible but she lost her self-awareness as soon as she became his girlfriend.

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Thomas' relationship pattern is astounding because in the two relationships he's had on the show he's filled both Kathryn and Trashley's heads with bullshit lies and stories so they would react and look like the crazy one. As much as I just don't like Trashley, I feel sorry for her more. She got used as Thomas' puppet to spread disgusting lies about Patricia, Kathryn and countless others while he could sit back and act like the innocent guy who was horrified by her actions when he was fuelling it and the entire cause behind what she was doing. Most of the reunion wasn't even fighting between Kathryn and Trashley it was just an intervention for her fucked up behaviour and everyone exposing Thomas for the genuinely horrible human being that he is. However, after Trashley had constantly gone after her for being a bad mother for hours on end Kween Kathryn dropped the mic saying: “It’s none of your fucking business to begin with, you really are so out of touch with the fact that you’re a complete asshole," which pretty much sums up Trashley's entire time on the show.

It's like no has clued her into the fact that she's an asshole yet. For 16 episodes she's run into walls without realising that it hurts. It’s like she’s holding her hand over a flame and just smiling while watching it burn. Maybe she needs an exorcism? After defaming her character for an entire season and TRIPLING down on everything she said during the reunion, Trashley ended it by saying she wished her an Kathryn could come to a better place, which is just a way to try and secure her spot on next season which isn't going to happen. Kathryn responded by telling her to stay away from her children and calling her an unkind, hateful, sadistic person, and with that Trashley and her skinny little arms walked off the set and cried in the dressing room to her producer. No money Thomas can give her is worth the total destruction of character that we've seen from her and it's only a matter of time before she wakes up from his geriatric spell, because if she can sit through this episode and still make excuses for being with a rapey old dinosaur, then they only way they're going to break up is when Thomas is in handcuffs and even then she'll visit him through a glass screen.

Southern Charm airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our exclusive tea and shady recaps on the Charleston gang.