RHOP Recap: Mess Delivery

After the ladies French adventure, we are back in Potomac and I'm less than satisfied. The rolling hills and little villages are cute but it's nothing compared to the B-Roll we see of the busy New York streets on RHONY or the pastel houses and horse and carriage in Charleston on Southern Charm. I do like this show, particularly this season, but the reason it's not as a successful as it's neighbouring Bravo shows is that it's Potomac. It's not a place that's happening. It's just a sleepy little town with DC political connections. People obviously aren't just watching for the scenery but the setting does help sell the show.

Karen is once again at the centre of all controversy. This entire season has revolved around her tax issue, where she lives, if she's getting a divorce, lying her way out of events and who the fuck is her dark shadow that is Matt hanging around. Speaking of her quiet "friend," who has basically become the seventh Housewife on this show (sorry Charrisse) Karen had a meal with him to talk about the rumours Ashley brought up claiming Matt was spilling tea in a gay club about Karen living in a townhouse. I have no doubt that Karen and Matt went through their script before filming the scene because his shocked face looked like the result of a bad beginners improv class. Obviously Karen wanted to do some damage control after the rumour Ashley shared but like usual her PR skills failed. She needs to call Olivia Pope! After filming the season in Karen's wig's shadow Matt has finally come into his own which I'm proud of. Good for Matt.

His inner fabulosity and bad acting were shining in this meal with Karen who he tried to defend by saying he told Ashley when he first met Karen she lived in a townhouse, which Karen corroborated by saying that was 25 years ago. However, the producers must have a hard-on for Karen and her lies because they flashed us back to the time Matt said he had only known the Grand Dame Deficit for twelve years. Those two things don't add up. As much as Karen tries to direct the narrative and tell her side of the story, she always fucks up. The truth (and producers) are just not on Karen's side which adds to her being the best Housewife on this franchise. Who doesn't love watching a hot mess with a wavering wig line on their screen?

Someone else with a wavering wig line is Ashley's mom Sheila. Holy shit. If there's anyone who needs to become a Housewife it's this woman. I have no doubt that she would go around pulling wigs off anyone who gets in her way, which is something I admire, but maybe the deadbeat boyfriend would get in the way of cameras coming around? After realising she has no baby to come home to, Ashley visited her mom's new house, which she somehow bought her own. That deadbeat boyfriend has to be a drug dealer because there's no other explanation for getting a house in such a short amount of time. In addition to her new house, Mama Sheila also had a new blonde, synthetic, bob wig which was less than flattering and made her look like Deborah from Accounting. Ashley went there to cry about her husband using her mom's parenting skills as an excuse for not having a baby when in reality he just doesn't want a baby. Michael looks like a geriatric kangaroo, what does he want with a baby at this age?

Finally, Ashley has seen this but I'm confused why she continues to stay with him, if it's not for the money it should be, because what else is she getting out of the marriage? She wants a baby and he doesn't so they better announce their divorce (or pregnancy) at the reunion because I can't take any more of her whining. At least if she gets pregnant he'll have to pay her child support out of those Australian pockets. Ashley also made the mistake of telling her mom what Michael had said about her parenting skills which set off a fire inside of Sheila's belly and almost made that wig fall off of her head. Does she have the same stylist as Karen because her wigs this season have been hard to watch? I've gone through this season not liking the scenes with Ashley and her mother because they are too dark and sad to watch because there's obviously a deeper issue they aren't talking about which is right under their noses (wink, wink) but now I just find the humour in the scene of her mum running around in a bob wig popping off at her daughter's husband who said bitchy things about. I hope for season four Ashley can dump Michael and stick with the mom because she's better TV and not as fucking annoying as her geriatric kangaroo of a husband.

Apart from her storyline with her mother and husband, Ashley has sucked this season. She went from being my favourite to giving me a constant headache when she decided to join forces with the Green-Eyed Bandits. Gizelle and Robyn are the worst. It would be one thing if she were friends with them but Ashley has literally crawled into their rectums and is effectively renting a small studio apartment in Robyn's muscly asshole, which is the last place I would want to live, even Karen's bald head under that wig would be a better residence. Anyway, Robyn bought her own house to flip which is, of course, a wreck but she's going to flip it. Gizelle and Ashley walked in all shocked by the house but it's a fucking renovation. It's not like she's going to live there with a banged up kitchen and janky floorboards. No. I'm sick of seeing Gizelle be fake shocked, extra for the cameras and judging everyone else which has effectively been her storyline for this season.

In this episode, the Green-Eyed Bandits and their sidekick Little Miss Mess decided to take their messy attitudes and channel them into finding out if Karen does, in fact, live in the Great Falls house by dressing up in disguise to deliver a fake pizza to the door and see if she actually lives there. Who gives a fuck where Karen lives? These bitches need to sit down, watch Frozen and let it the fuck go. The thing that annoys me about this situation is that they try to mascarade their mess by pretending to care about Karen and wanting to be true friends to her when in reality they are just doing it to antagonise her and create some drama with their messy ways. How do they think Grand Dame Deficit is going to react to them knocking on her door with a pizza?

All season they've obsessed over every part of her life and they've seen her get defensive and angry everytime they do, so they know she's not going to open the door and laugh. If they are going to be messy at least say it, don't be fake and say that you're doing it to be a good friend or as a joke. Own your mess! And if Karen does live in a townhouse why would she own it to them? They shit on everything everyone does and are the most judgmental cast members on this show, so their plan doesn't even make sense. In the end, Gizelle, Robyn and Ashley drove all the way to Great Falls to deliver pizza to the house and no one answered. Karen might not live there but that makes ZERO sense to me. Why would she pay the rent every month just to film there if she's poor? If she's paying the rent wouldn't she might as well just live there instead of a townhouse? It doesn't make any sense why she would pay for two homes. I have no idea but it was stupid, messy and just dumb to see three bitches wear bad wigs and be messy for the sake of being messy on TV. LEAVE KAREN ALONE!

The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.