RHOD Recap: Beaver Liquors
After Brandi gave her adopted baby the most extravagant coming out party an infant has received since Simba in The Lion King, she decided it was the perfect time to talk it out with her enemy LeeAnne Locken. Brandi and her squinty eyes fucked over LeeAnne big time last season by talking shit about her behind her back and then overreacting about her jokingly making a death threat so understandingly LeeAnne was devasted over the break up of their friendship.
Although the resident carny is flawed and lashes out, it just shows how big of a heart she was and while she gave her friendship with Brandi a try, I don't think the redhead ever gave it the same respect and only needed her when Stephanie was out of the picture. However, they both decided to a fresh start which we all know is going to end like a fire in a burns unit, but I'm happy to continue watching.
On a high from making up with LeeAnne (not Adderall), she decided to talk it out with D'Andra. This fight is infuriating because I've listened to the podcast and the comments were about Dallas as a city using Adderall and not just Brandi, can't Bravo play the podcast to give us peace of mind? Although even if they did Brandi revealed her true anger about the issue came from Cary who was the one who told Brandi how D'Andra (allegedly) told her the interview was about the redhead. Fuck that was confusing. I love D'Andra, her mom, her husband and overall attitude, however, I don't know why Cary would lie just to stir up shit between the two. Maybe she said it, maybe she didn't but if Brandi and D'Andra aren't going to pull each others weaves or throw things about the problem at hand then they need to put this beef to bed because the passive aggressive conversations at parties aren't getting us anywhere.
Following a positive party, it seemed like everyone was getting along, which is probably a first in this group but with LeeAnne meditating it seemed like the perfect time for Kam to suggest the group go to her house in Beaver Creek. If you are going to own a house in Beaver Creek, you have to have some kind of sense of humour which Kameron Westcott and her blonde extensions are definitely lacking, in other words, if you're a prude then you probably shouldn't own a house in a town named after a vagina. She handed out matching silk pyjamas and allowed the whole group to climb aboard her private jet and head out of Dallas for their first cast trip of the season.
Their first stop in Beaver Creek was Beaver Liquors. Again, if you have the sense of humour of a lamp post, having a group of immature bitches accompany you to a store thats name makes you think of eating someone out, then you have what's coming to you. What the fuck do you expect putting Real Housewives in a place named after a cunt and a store named after someone licking that cunt? With what Kameron's funny bone lacked this store more than made up for with their sprawling cunnilingus paraphernalia throughout the store. For a place named Beaver Liquors, it did not disappoint with its t-shirts and posters decked out in double entendres and pictures of girls getting their beavers liqued.
Kameron's house was amazing. In the Housewives franchises, lots of the women pretend they have money when we all know they rent their cars and return their designer clothes the day after they use them but you can always tell how much coin a person has in their pocket from the real estate. Kam's mansion looked like a haunted house mixed with a preppy boarding school in England but it was fucking incredible, Kameron may be the most boring member of the group but at least she has a nice holiday house the rest of the ladies can enjoy.
This show couldn't be complete without Brandi and Stephanie playing an immature prank on at least one of their cast members. Their original victim was LeeAnne, however, after Kameron and the stick that is deeply lodged in her asshole joined the show it's been so much more fun watching them fuck with her. They put a Beaver Liquors poster on her bed which pissed Kam off but she pushed through her botox and managed to crack a smile about the situation even though her porcelain heart broke when she saw someone eating pussy on a poster in her bedroom. She's the Bree Van de Kamp of the group in the most sans self-aware way possible.
After the Jesus Juice besties peed on each other while attempting to slide down the snow and LeeAnne banging on her bowl, the ladies all came together for dinner and were still getting along. Is this an alternate universe? LeeAnne decided not to drink because she didn't want to threaten anyone's life on this trip. I know that this is a good choice for LeeAnne, her healing process and probably the community of Beaver Creek but it's not good for me. LeeAnne Locken is one of the BEST Housewives in the history of the franchise and her popping off moments are the reason Dallas is still on the air so she needs to be playing at 100% all the time and if that means Brandi has to pin her down and feed her the alcohol then so be it.
For the most part, everybody was getting along. Is it possible six women can be together on a TV show for an entire episode without fighting? Fuck no. Brandi tried to make out with Kam at dinner as the group was getting more drunk as the minutes went on. A slumber party with drinking games and make outs, it's the beginning of a lesbian porno! After Cary put her Beaver in the Beaver Creek spa, the ladies all came inside for ice cream which Kameron managed to ruin. If you don't want people to get drunk, naked or try to kiss you then you probably shouldn't invite them to your home in a town which name promotes everything they are trying to do.
I wanted to like Kameron this season. I really did. But her botoxed Nicole Kidman face makes it hard because she shits on anyone having anything that could be remotely considered fun. We are only three episodes in and I've already failed my quest to try and like her. Apart from her ruining everyone's attempt to laugh she has a way of starting unnecessary drama which only Dorito Kemsley can relate to. Who wants to be the boring one of the group? Wouldn't she have a good time if she got her Big Bird titties out and did laps of her estate instead of shitting on everyone else and making unnecessary drama out of Brandi adopting a baby?
Even though Brandi and Kam aren't close, she decided to be the one to get mad about her not telling anyone about her adopted baby. Why is this even an issue? I'm confused why Kam needs to have an opinion about it let alone bring it up in front of the other ladies as a negative thing. It's just awkward and weird for her to have an opinion over the matter which has nothing to do with her and was supposed to be such a happy moment for Brandi but instead it ended with a drunk Brandi crying in the other room. Stephanie tried to defend her by saying "don't bash the adoption" but Kam heard "don't bash an adopted baby" and made a big deal out of a misunderstood sentence and wanted to kick Stephanie out of her house but the resident Bambi had to leave the trip early for her family vacation to Italy anyway, so it's not that much of an inconvenience.
I appreciate the drama but this just seems stupid and Kameron is definitely looking for something to be mad at. She spent the whole episode acting like someone had pissed in her cornflakes and then got mad about Steph (not) saying she was bashing an adopted baby. Maybe if she was drunk and was having fun I would give her a pass but you can't prude AND get mad for a dumb reason, she can only pick one!
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lone star ladies.