Shade of the Week: Michael Darby
Michael Darby is just a shitty human being and his latest run in with the law is just catching up with his bad personality and annoying rapey attitude. Apart from the fact that he’s a closeted freak the way he treats his sugar baby of a wife is gross. Don’t get me wrong Ashley and her helium voice are more annoying than a hamster on crack but I was actually on her side (for once) after the way he treated her. Instead of being honest about not wanting to deal with diapers and baby diaherroa into his sixties he tried to gaslight her and make the reason for him not wanting kids because he didn’t like the way Ashley was raised. Who gives a fuck? You’re sixty years old with a fetish for cock that you won’t admit so I think being left at home by your mom when you’re a teenager is better than being a creep.
Michael tried to save himself with bad excuses of why he didn’t want to have kids at the reunion that I don’t even remember but there’s no reason for them to introduce a child into the world and there’s no reason why they even need to stay together. Ashley needs to find a younger guy her age who she can actually have an authentic relationship with and the geriatric kangaroo needs to be honest with himself and run away to San Francisco to allow his true self (and butthole) to shine because no one is growing from this relationship and if I have to sit through next season will them still being fake about their situation I am going to slit my wrists from boredom.
This geriatric kangaroo of a man is obviously gay and that’s been an undertone of the show for its entire run. He started off “jokingly” grabbing Katie’s Jewish fiancés ass which was weird enough in itself. What grown middle aged straight white man just wants to grab another guys ass while they are dancing? I’m all for standing up to toxic masculine stereotypes but do you need to gay it up in the process?
If ass grabbing wasn’t enough there were those racy Grindr photos. If you guys don’t remember (my article on the TEA is one of my most read and was the first article on Michael in general on Google for a while) he went to London. Fucked a mixed guy. Bought said mixed guy gifts. Sent plenty of nudes and the mixed guy posted all his receipts to the internet after he turned on Bravo and discovered the geriatric kangaroo he fucked actually had a wife.
Michael says he never met the guy but Ashley said the guy went out of his way to spread the gossip just for fake news. Who cares that much about Potomac to forge several Grindr photos? The ratings aren’t that good and there are plenty of other Househusbands I’m sure people could lie and say they had fake affairs with if they wanted real attention. But who gives a fuck about Michael? And can we talk about how slimy his dick looked? He was READY for some mixed sugar baby dick to bounce on it. Or maybe he’s a bottom, which is a tad more believable.
When you combine his ass grabbing tendencies with his (alleged) Grindr hookup the fact that he once again grabbed another mans ass, this time the camera man, isn’t too surprising. The cameraman then reported the ass grabbing to his boss, charges were made against Michael and he got suspended from shooting the Bravo show. Suspended? How about fired? Why the fuck does he think it’s okay to go around grabbing ass? It’s not cool, it’s not funny it’s just fucking creepy and not to mention, illegal. Mr Kangaroo faces 11 years in prison. There’s no way a rich white privileged man is going away for over a decade for grabbing an ass but if he does he’ll have all the time in the day to get his ass grabbed and to grab any and all ass he wants to. They always say don’t drop the soap in prison but I feel like Michael would be the clumsiest cellmate just to get himself some good dick.
I’m glad Bravo have finally changed their ways for dealing with sexual offending creeps. They stayed mute about Thomas Ravenel FOR MONTHS and although the tea in the streets was that he was fired after two women came forward to expose him, they only ever officially commented on him leaving Southern Charm when he was arrested. Bravo can do better and I guess they did with this latest case but it’s different because BRAVO are actually involved.
Michael assaulted a BRAVO cameraman and they can’t have any bad press after the #MeToo movement so there’s no way they were going to let this shit slide. I can’t think of any way this won’t become a storyline on the show next season because he just won’t be around one day and how can it NOT affect Ashley’s relationship with the other women considering she’s staying with him. And how awkward would it be with her and the camera guy? If this juiciness isn’t captured on the show next season I am going to slit my wrists and jump into ongoing traffic.
Ashley took to her Instagram story to say he wasn’t arrested, wasn’t charged and wasn’t suspended by Bravo but we have LITERALLY seen the court documents surrounding the case and Bravo isn’t going to keep a Bravo abusing guy on their show, so Ashley needs to sit in the corner, shut the fuck up and not act like a little mixed Hilary Clinton because staying with Michael isn’t going to anything except scramble her eggs. Michael needs to get off the show, come the fuck out of the closet and stop giving a bad name to Australians everywhere. I just wanna see his mugshot.