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KUWTK Recap: Fashion Godzilla

I feel defeated. Every week I just shit on how terrible this show has gotten but what do E!, Kris Jenner and anyone who allows this trash to make it to airways expect me to say about a show that had an entire episode about Kim telling her sisters what to wear? This was a rough episode, potentially even tougher than Kendall and her hairdresser in Paris. Okay maybe not that rough because that was one of the lowest points of all time but this episode wasn’t much better.

Instead of Kanye having an actual fashion show he decided to have one through Kim getting snapped by the paparazzi in Japan while wearing his clothes. This was an actual idea. Judging from his “idea” it’s not hard to see how he now thinks slavery was a choice and should be allowed in USA. It’s a slippery slope, one day you're getting your wife to wear your designs and the next you’re setting back all the advancements African Americans have made for the last 300 years with your dumb mouth. The reason Kanye had to adopt this new fashion show idea is because he’s not welcome in Fashion Week. His last actual show was a hotter mess than Blac Chyna and her stroller throwing ways so there’s no way he’d be allowed back or would probably want to go back, so instead he comes up with weird ideas that no one understands except Kim.

He’s getting weirder as the years go on and does Kim really want or need to be around that? Can the sex even be that good because we know he likes it in the booty. Kim should have one more surrogate pregnancy with their leftover embryo so all her children are to the same guy then she needs to pack a bag in the dead of night, flee to her sisters house in Calabasas, take her children and their nannies, leave and never go the fuck back. Getting custody will be easy because what judge is going to give Kanye “Slavery was a choice” West three children to take care of? The only person who would approve of that is Casey Anthony. Too soon?

The whole idea of this episode was fucked up. The sisters got on a plane to fly to Japan just so Kim could wear Yeezy clothes and walk in front of paparazzi. Could a Japanese themed photo shoot not do? To make this shitty storyline even worse Kim got mad at her sisters for not dressing on her weird Yeezy standard and for looking like clowns with blue eyeshadow. Wasn’t Kim the one wearing a pink wig? She needs to sit in the corner and cross her legs real tight if she’s going to sit there in a pink wig and accuse others of looking like a circus freaks. The Yeezy designs look the way I imagine the inside of Kanye’s brain to: cheap, empty, anticlimactic and overrated.

The Yeezy line consists of bike shorts that show the world your camel toe, bumbags, spandex everything and oversized jumpers all in grey or dull neutral colours which cost $1000 but Kim got mad at her sisters for what they were wearing. I’d rather have a Japanese dress than look like a homeless cyclist. Kim yelled at her sisters and their glam squads which in itself is pathetic, why the fuck do they need teams of people by their side everyday to make them look good just so they can post a photo to Instagram. Who gives a fuck? Are they really that vain? Can’t they just be normal human beings and live without an Erika Jayne style glam squad everywhere they go? The amount of makeup they were wearing made me feel tired and exhausws just looking at it. I literally fell asleep during this episode probably due to me getting three hours of sleep the night before but seeing boring bitches fight over clothes didn’t help the problem. Can you imagine going to Japan and spending the entire trip fighting about clothes?

Kim sucks this season and her over the top, fashion snob ways is not a good look, what would she say about the 99% of people that can’t walk the streets with a glam squad? She can’t try and help the homeless and be a judgemental bitch at the same time, you have to pick one or the other. This episode was so boring and uneventful I don't even have anything bad to say. It just sucked. All they really did in Japan was go to McDonalds and a geisha house but what else are you supposed to do there?

Back on the US homeland Kris revealed her own desperate attempt at having a storyline. She went from wanting to shave her earlobes to buying her friend a new face. That would be a benefit of having Kris Jenner as a friend, she can get you a free face lift if you just do it on the show for the world to see and why not? Her "best friend" Sheila who's been in the background for years was the only women over 60 in Calabasas who hasn't had her face pulled behind her ears, so Kris decided to capitalise on this and got her surgery done on the show but was worried she's be offended. Sheila was dropping hints like they were nuclear bombs that she wanted a facelift from the beginning of the episode and if Kris Jenner is offering to give you free surgery, you fucking take it.

For some reason Scott and his continuing transition also needed to be included in this episode for some reason. How much are they paying him to appear on this show and is he getting Kylie's cut of the 150K because he is on the show way more than her. The only thing she's done is walk in with her baby and not even show us her face or really even talk about giving birth at 20. In the end Sheila got her surgery and looked like a Kris Jenner 2.0. Did she look good? Yes. Did she look like she could express any emotion? No fucking way. Something tells me all Kris' over the hill, gold digging friends are going to be lining up out of her Calabasas compound in order to get some free surgery because why the fuck not.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians airs Sundays at 9/8c on E! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first family of reality TV.

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