Married To Medicine Recap: Sleepaway Shade
Simone and Jackie's friendship was one of the purest in reality TV history and if they ever start feuding that may be the day I'm done with reporting on the antics of troubled reality stars because that would break me like a horse breaks a virgin's hymen. Jackie and Simone are probably the only best friends who can go through the trenches of reality TV unscathed because they are just two grown women who have been friends with each other forever and aren't about to get sucked into the fame game. No one is trying to fuck the other over to get a better club appearance or have an ego competition from their Instagram following. It's not happening.
Their friendship is perfect because they're schedules matchup, they have the same job, they talk shit about their friends together and can shit about each other to each other. The two resident OGBYN's always come to play and their friendship is definitely the cornerstone of a show which is all about black girl magic - even if everyone has to call each other a whore or shade their mama in the process. After months of "trying" to reconcile with her husband, Simone finally allowed him to enter into her chocolate wonderland again. Instead of her fear coming true that she'd be as dry as a Mormon's sense of humour, Simone said she was dripping like Niagara falls on a nice Spring day and she couldn't get enough of Cecil's ebony delight. I'm so happy that Simone has fallen back in love with actually having sex with her husband and I hope it stays this way.
As soon as the pleasure that is Simone and Jackie's friendship scene was over, the producers flipped us over to a scene of Complaining CONE-Tessa. Give me a fucking break. How much longer can she sit up in bed with her boot camp t-shirts on and complain about feeling like death. She got a double mastectomy and a boob job in one sitting, did she expect it to feel good? I feel bad shitting on this storyline but she is more boring than a piece of gluten free bread that was left in the sun for too long. How is she getting paid to film when she's only interacting with her husband and her children that have a need to jump on their mother's freshly operated stomach. Obviously, a producer was giving them cookie's behind the scenes to get them to crawl all over her because they were acting like her abdomen was the floor of a Chucky Cheese.
As well as Cone's tough scene we also had to sit through a scene of Mariah and the Huq possibly talking about moving. Over Letisha Mariah Huq's dead body will she move away from Atlanta and give up the reality career she's fought so desperately to get back. After getting fired from her own show and having to crawl back with her raggedy wig choices for the last four seasons, there is no way she's going to pack up her family and move to Los Angeles unless that's how the Married To Medicine: LA spinoff is going to go down. Who doesn't want to see her smacking people upside the head on the opposite coast? She's not moving, there's no way, but I guess she needs a storyline that doesn't involve her daughter looking like a string bean.
Apart from the mundane storylines, the main thing going on right now is Quad's divorce. Due to Mariah physically not being able to restrain herself from not allowing Quad to speak, the former doctor's wife decided not to tell her "friends" about her divorce in last week's episode. Ugh. Of course, this forced all the ladies to find out with the rest of us through Instagram and the producers gave us yet another round of snippets of the ladies reading the blogs with their husbands. Really Quad? I want her to win. I want her to be the best reality star she can be, but how did she expect the ladies not to bitch and moan about finding out this way? Couldn't she send a group email or something? Not telling the girls about her divorce only allows them to get angrier at her but I'm sure Tacky T would still find a way to be pissed.
For storyline purposes, the group decided to have a slumber party. Fuck. No. I'm down for anything but are you really about to tell me these women, their weaves and their full faces of makeup all tried on their onesies and went to sleep in the same location then woke up the next morning together? There's no way and I'm positive that 63 seconds after the cameras went down there wasn't a Married To Medicine cast member in sight. And even if they did, what's the need to slumber together? Just go out drinking and call it a day we don't need them to try and look cute in pyjamas at a hotel because we know how this ends with reality stars. See: the RHOA Slumber Party Fight of 2014. We don't need to talk about it but we all know what happened. RIP Brandon's robe.
After the group performed impressions of each other and went around answering questions like it was summer camp, the ladies finally asked Quad about her divorce and she responded by being honest and real with them. Her guard was down. She was calm. She was Quad. I didn't mean to make that sound like the She by Sheree circa 2009 commercial but there's only so many ways you can skin a cat or write a recap. She spoke about her struggles until Tacky T decided to cut in and try to ask a question. Here's the thing, Toya may mean well but she's not the girl you want to talk to when you're struggling. Even her attempts to ask set Quad off and I don't think anyone can blame her. They don't call her Tacky Toya for nothing.
Suddenly Quad and Toya just started screaming at each other and I'm not 100% sure why but that doesn't mean it wasn't entertaining to watch. In the end, they made up and I really don't have anything more to say about it. There wasn't anything that went down, they just developed distance and both felt weird about it with each other. It was awkward but not as awkward as Cone's blonde replacement who was just floating around in the background. Why was she there? And is she being paid because she is more unnecessary than a bull's vagina?
Married To Medicine airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these medicial miracles!