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RHOC Recap: White People

Newsflash: Shannon is still sour.

I'm so hungover after a five-day bender so if my grammar isn't up to the Queen's standard get over it. It's not brain surgery or an English essay it's a Housewives recap. After a boring season, the producers wasted no time to show us the drama they've been teasing us with along the way. Tamra, Kelly, Gina and Emily went to the restaurant first and the sour grapes of the group Vicki and Shannon followed behind because Shannon's orbit didn't account for anyone else having to wait for her.

I feel weird about this recap and not because I'm inches away from throwing up on my Macbook. Shannon has been one of my favourites for years. She's funny and brings us the drama we need, however, watching her this season has been like watching a cat try and crawl out of a drain pipe and just get sucked down 89 times harder. Shannon can't get out of her own way. And no, that wasn't a fat joke it's metaphorical, however, Shannon's problem is that she would've heard that comment, taken it the wrong way and talked about it for three years. I've always been #TeamShannon in her divorce with David, beef with Vicki and even her occasional fights with any new girl who comes on the show (except Kelly because she is a queen) but now I'm seeing everything through a different lens: Tamra's lens.

Tamra talking shit about her having a shitty marriage, drinking too much and being a sad person back in SEASON NINE was always true and I'm finally starting to realise exactly what she means.

I am Tamra. The parallels with the relationship between Tamra and Shannon and my relationship with my mum is almost scary. My mum's life has basically mirrored everything Shannon has gone through during her time on the show to a tee: having a bad marriage, getting cheated on, trying SO hard to make it work, having weight struggles, getting a divorce and maybe over self-medicating at times. I get it and Tamra is doomed if she calls Shannon out and she's doomed if she doesn't. Even if Tamra is the one feeling hurt, if she tells Shannon about it she turns on her, storms out and makes it into a way bigger issue. That's my life and I know this story way too well, so sometimes it's easier just to go along to get along, even if you're enabling in the process. And she wants everyone to respect her feelings when she is shitting on everyone else's.

Tamra has been a star player for her entire run and is basically the reason the show became the bitchy franchise it is today. That's not shade it's a fucking thank you. Even if she tries to become a Christian and suppress her emotions it always ends up coming out by the end of the season, she does her best work on vacations and this trip was no expectation. It was like someone was trying to stuff a sausage into a sausage bag and it finally just popped. Shannon was being an asshole at the dinner because the topic of discussion wasn't David and his beady eyes, which allowed the discussion of her quietly hating Emily and Gina's existences to finally come out. She literally told them she didn't have time for a new friend and was defensive about everything they said: even though they were the ones upset.

Gina then proved why she was cast on the show when she told Shannon she isn't a good friend to Tamra because she didn't ask her about the heart surgery. That comment was so true and I could feel the dig through the TV, I want to see that messy Gina more because with shitty lines like that she could be an all-star. After her comment, it then sucked Tamra into the beef which just made Shannon start waving her hands around, stormed off and had a hot mic moment in the toilet. This is exactly why Tamra didn't bring it up earlier: because it's not worth it. It doesn't even make a difference to Shannon's attitude because she doesn't listen to what you're saying because she's too busy going into defence mode.

Tamra yelling at Shannon in the toilet for being selfish basically ended the group's "fun dinner" for the trip while Vicki was melting at the table which paved the way for a really awkward car ride back to the hotel. The dinner was bitchy and had a little drama but nothing compared to the fuckery that went down at the hotel. I'm pretty sure those Jamaicans are still recovering. Shannon stormed off from the cameras, which isn't anything new and it wouldn't be a season of RHOC without a Shannon "I'm Done. Fucking Done" Beador walk off. This season has sucked because everybody is playing nice for the cameras and not getting deep into their relationships but finally everything is coming out like cum in a cock and I am so here for it. Vintage Tamra came back to chase Shannon up the street and it was everything I needed it to be.

While Shannon was somewhere yelling at a producer, Kelly, Vicki and Tamra were inside talking the REAL shit about her life. This is why you don't walk off and act like a crazy person because it's just going to make your friends talk shit about you: with or without cameras. This is where my perspective on Shannon Beador changed and I don't think it will ever go back, it's like when a Scientologist wakes up after 30 years of being in a corrupt cult and can never see life the same way. Kelly said David was a saint for putting up with Shannon for all those years. Do I like David Beador? No. Do I respect David Beador? No. Do I agree with what Kelly said? Fuck yes.

Shannon is a lot, almost too much, and if you are with that person for 20 years day in and day out it must be pretty rough. Now we know why he looked like he always needed to be placed on suicide watch. I feel bad for shading Shannon but she's clearly a depressed, broken human and that's why all her friends are at their breaking points. Shannon keeps blaming her shitty selfish behaviour on her divorce, but she was like this long before she broke up with David. Fuck. She was probably like this before Bravo cameras even showed up.She cries herself to sleep every night, spams the girls the calls until they answer and drinks like a pissed off Russian. And that's no way to live. After she was back from her walk off, the girls all said she needed medication which needed to be said, but was probably the worst thing you could say to an already pissed off Shannon Beador.

Instead of taking aboard the comment, she immediately got defensive and just went on a tangent. Someone says one thing, she cuts them off before they are done speaking and just keeps going on about one thing they were saying, it's fucking exhausting. She put her wall up to the medication comment because she doesn't want to change who she is but surely she can't enjoy being unhappy all the time, however, Shannon's lacks any self-awareness I don't think she even knows she's miserable. I know I've said this before but she just can't get out of her own way and it's the perfect way to describe this entire episode. She didn't want to get on medication to help her depression yet she self-medicates with alcohol. She needs to trade her vodka with Xanax and just call it a day.

The medication comment just pushed the entire night into a zest pit of fuckery that no one was prepared for and that was darker than a bottom of a prostitutes' feet after a big night of working. Suddenly, Shannon even started turning on Vicki and bringing back all the old days of them hating each other. Normally I don't like to rehash old shit but after a season of them getting along, getting a flashback to the old days of their beef was a welcomed surprise. They still think about each other the same way they did a year ago when they were mortal enemies and that's never going to change, but that doesn't mean they can't get drunk together. Vicki and Shannon will always play the victim because they can't look in the mirror and see how they contributed to a situation.

I don't know if it was my headache or the show but everyone was just screaming for a solid five minutes straight in the room which didn't help my raging hangover at all. Tamra was brilliant in this episode because she wasn't letting Shannon get away with anything but it's not worth it because Shannon can never stop and listen to what people are saying. She doesn't listen and Tamra basically summed up the entire night with this gem: "Stop screaming for one time in your fucking life AND LISTEN." I don't even know if I need to say any more.

Tamra can yell until the cows come home (where's Jeana Keough?) but Shannon isn't going to change or even have a breakthrough about her behaviour so while this episode was entertaining, it's not going to change anything for her. Also, hearing that she drank vodka by herself after the mess was probably one of the saddest things I've ever heard and it also made me realise watching people drink on TV when you're hungover does not help. At all.

Does anyone feel like Shannon's reality TV career has finally hit the end of the line? I don't know how much more we can watch her bitch and moan about everything that's happened to her. She just seems like she's hit a dead end and I'm not sure if she's got anything more to give us because her complaining and acting irrationally is like being on a fucking merry go round and I'm getting fucking dizzy. If Shannon can try and change her ways, of course, I want her to stay, but it's always why this season has been more stagnant than a car with no fuel.

The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Monday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first ladies of Bravo!

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