RHOD Recap: Southern Charm
Mama Dee is the star of the show. Can we please make her a full-time Housewife because she delivers more in her few scenes than most of these ladies have given us for their entire runs on this show. I’m not joking around when I say she needs to hold a star, who do we need to talk to make that happen because in my mind she would’ve been the perfect candidate for the show when they were casting in season one. She’s got more money than god, she runs Dallas society, gives good shade, can be a total bitch when necessary and somehow is a voice of reason but also slightly lacks self-awareness at the same time.
This woman was meant to be on TV and not just as someone’s mother, she deserves to be holding the centre star in the opening credits and sitting next to Andy Cohen at the reunions. I’m more interested in Dee’s confessionals than I have been in anything Cary has said for the last three seasons so Bravo needs to get their shit together and give her the respect she deserves.
This episode was very Mama Dee heavy and very Brandi light, which I loved. The less I see of Brandi and her transparent eyebrows the better. All the events this season seem the same in the same location with the same fake behaviour, nothing really sets anything apart and I’m sick of it. The events aren’t the only thing that are the same, LeeAnne's head is still stuck in the same (metaphorical) locker from high school due to the bullying she’s received from Annie and D’Andra and I predict we have about one more episode before we get the old LeeAnne back and she starts swinging bitches around by their braids.
LeeAnne needs to breathe. She's reacting to the bait these two bitches are giving her and she's giving them the ammunition they need to talk shit and turn everyone against her, for the third time. She's stressing herself out too much and the entire topic of alcohol is an annoying one the franchise has visited way too many times. I know exactly what LeeAnne was saying about Brandi and D'Andra's tequila-fuelled friendship but now it's spiralled into an entirely different situation and I can't be bothered watching it, LeeAnne said sorry (about something she never said) and explained herself at Mama Dee's lunch. What more do these people want from her?
Speaking of Dee, her lunch was possibly the whitest thing I've seen on my TV that wasn't an albino. Holy shit. The food was making my mouth water but I'm confused why all that ketchup was needed? There was more ketchup in Mama Dee's meatloaf than there was meat or loaf for that matter, now at least we know why D'Andra was a fat kid. Mama Dee should start her own food truck company and take it to unfortunate communities across Dallas just to fatten them up with her diabetes inducing southern food, I felt my cholesterol peak just looking at it. What is the true way to a man's heart? Dee said food, LeeAnne said a blowjob but why not give him a turkey sub while you service him. Do you know how many girls you'd see walking the streets with Louis or Chanel bags if they went by those rules?
The lunch was okay. I felt sorry for the men who had to awkwardly make small talk together while their wives filmed inside. Mama Dee spoke to LeeAnne about (not) calling her daughter an alcoholic and even admitted that she too has been worried about D'Andra and drinking due to all the alcoholics in their family. Even she is sick of her daughter trying to make a storyline out of nothing. Who doesn't have an alcoholic relative? Everybody's got one uncle or aunt who hits the bottle way too hard and probably a distant cousin who's been to prison five times, if you don't then you're probably a Westcott. The Westcotts a quite possibly the whitest family in America and I'm not even going to attempt to shade the matriarch, Jimmy, because she could shut this little blog down in a second from her Dallas estate.
She gave D'Andra the advice not to hang around "certain people" because people within the "society" world have been talking about her getting drunk at events and shoving caps up her ass. I see both sides of this argument. D'Andra was pissed because she thought it was a threat that no one would remain her friend if she keeps her drinking up and Kameron saw it as just protecting her from what people are saying. I've been sick of hearing about the Dallas society since season one but if you are going to participate in the bullshit that is Dallas society then you need to be a boring bitch who sips on champagne and doesn't say anything to anyone's face. Those are the rules and if you can't abide by then, why would you want to be in society?
If D'Andra wants to continue putting things up her butt and day drinking then just leave the society life. How much fun can being polite at charity events be anyway? I'd rather be destroying my liver in a dive bar across town than having small talk with a bunch of boring women who have the personalities of a grape. Of course, following the lunch, she brought up Jimmy's advice to Kameron who was pissed. If D'Andra didn't like what Jimmy said to her she should have told Jimmy, not Kameron two days later. The problem with this fight is that Kam wasn't pissed D'Andra brought it up to her, she was pissed she brought up something about her mother-in-law ON CAMERA because now they'll have to talk about Jimmy for months on end and dissect every little thing she said when she was really just giving her a piece of advice. That's why Kameron got so pissed, that's why she gets so pissed about everything because she doesn't want to be attached to anything (on camera) the Westcotts wouldn't aprrove of. Never in a million years did I think I'd be saying this but I'm #TeamKameron over D'Andra and it shocks me but times are changing in Texas.
I don't just like Kameron this season, I'm starting to love her. This time last season I wanted to rip my nails off every time she opened her dumb blonde mouth but now she's transitioned from a ditzy big bird to the voice of reason. Okay no, Kam isn't the total voice of reason on this show but she's smarter than she looks and an amazing reality TV character. Much like Mama Dee, she was made to be on TV with her pink wardrobe, annoying voice, dumb fights about nothing and strong bank account. I've finally grown to like her frigidness and I feel like I'm in on the joke. She's entertaining to watch and she's way more authentic than D'Andra who's bouncing around getting mad at everyone she can for a storyline.
Ugh. Thank god the ladies are going to Copenhagen next week because I need a break from their endless identical events week after week, and LeeAnne getting in a physical altercation helps too! This season has been alright so far but it is in need of a major pick me up.
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lone star ladies.