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KUWTK Recap: UnTRUE Thompson

I'm so over the Kardashians. I've been over them for the last few seasons, however, this episode was literally a fuck you to all the viewers who bothered to tune into an hour of their foolishness because they barely even showed the Tristan cheating scandal. Everybody was nice to him, awkwardly avoided the huge elephant in the room and then decided not to film the one conversation where they did confront him about dicking down every Instagram THOT in America. It was such a waste of time and I've never felt more dubbed by the Kardashian family.

We began with the family rushing to Cleveland to be by Khloe's side before she gave birth while her random white chubby friend named Sav filmed her contractions. I understand she was in Cleveland with none of her family members but was he really the best job they could do? The opening of the episode was just a juxtaposition of Kim and Kourtney rushing to the hospital while Khloe was stressing about having the baby, of course, the "will they/won't they" scene was a waste of time because we already knew they were there for the birth. Before True arrived, Khloe was overly nice to Tristan, I understand she wanted to have a great experience of giving birth to her first child but it's always going to be associated with him cheating so she could've at least given him some stink eye and not crawled up his ass. It was like NOTHING happened.

The audacity of Tristan to be in a room with the entire family of the girl he cheated on and smile, hug them and even speak was not okay. He should've sat in the corner with duck tape over his mouth and I'm disappointed but not surprised with how Khloe dealt with the issue. Both the sisters hugged Tristan when they arrived which was disgusting and Kim tried to be funny by doing dumb shit behind his back, she shouldn't have been making a joke about it, she should've taken him out into the hallway, cussed him out and spat on him. After watching this episode the most disappointing takeaway was that Kim didn't actually spit on him. I understand she doesn't want to make the room tense for Khloe but that doesn't mean she can't cause a scene in the hallway?

The entire room had a weird and awkward energy because everybody was thinking the same thing about Tristan's penis but no one was saying anything. Kim and Kourtney should've sat on their phones the entire time death staring him from across the room, not being nice and embracing him, they can still be there for Khloe without having to physically touch her cheating asshole of a boyfriend. The birth itself was beautiful to see, even if the mood was coloured with despair and the smell of pussy on Tristan's breath. For ages, we all assumed Khloe would never have a baby of her own but it's finally happened and even if her baby daddy is a piece of shit, nobody can take her baby away from her. Well, CPS always can but Blac Chyna still has her kids so Khloe is safe if a stroller throwing stripper can keep her children.

For five minutes while Khloe was giving birth you almost forgot about Tristan cheating on her. It was amazing to see and I'm glad she allowed us to see, which should be mandatory anyway because she's on a reality show about her life. Tristan wasn't allowed to see the baby coming out of Khloe's fucked up vagina because if he cheated on her while she had a tight pussy, he would be inside a bitch within minutes of seeing that mess between her legs. However, he should be a good enough person that he can see her give birth and not feel the need to cheat on his baby mama. She obviously doesn't trust him at all and a relationship without trust is like a bike without wheels. Seeing Tristan hold his daughter after the birth was so unsettling because we don't know where those hands have been and they definitely aren't suitable to be on a newborn.

Khloe basically repeated the same things we've read in the media, she doesn't know what she's going to do and is just taking each day as it comes. She didn't want to film anything where she actually discussed the cheating because she wants it to stay private between her and Tristan. Um, excuse me. Khloe is getting paid MILLIONS of dollars a year to film a reality show about her life but then doesn't want to discuss the one thing fans are tuning in for, Housewives get fired for this kind of behaviour and it's not fair to the viewers for her to hide her mess from the cameras. Kim and Kourtney flew back to LA under the agreement they'd fly back to Cleveland the following week to have a talk with Tristan.

Back in LA, Kim got to attend her high school reunion with her "best friends" she hasn't seen in twenty years. The main takeaways were that they went as the Spice Girls to school on a dress-up day where Kim was, of course, Posh Spice and Kim used to get her pubes waxed into different symbols. It's always fun reconnecting with old friends which would've been exciting for Kim and her very long Cher hair but I also don't give a fuck. We saw them on a bus on the way to the reunion and then we just got to see Kim's Instagram stories about walking around her old campus, it was pretty basic and while it was probably fun for Kim and her old friends who finally got to see her new face in person, it just took up time in an episode that should've had tantrums, fighting and a crying Khloe.

The girl's conversation with Tristan was not filmed because they wanted it to be private and he isn't used to being on a reality show so Khloe didn't want to make him uncomfortable. What the actual fuck. He cheated on you with several THOTs in front of the entire world and you're worried about him being uncomfortable? She should've made him have that talk on camera as a sign of his remorse and make him pay for what he did, not just catering to his needs. It was bullshit and they owe us. I don't understand what they are getting paid to do when they aren't showing us their lives, I don't want to watch the fake scenes about Kim wanting to be a mortician or fighting with Kourtney about dumb shit that doesn't matter. When can we cancel this show because if they aren't willing to show us their reality then they shouldn't have a reality show.

Khloe is a moron and we still don't have insight into what happened. We don't know why he did it, how many times or with who. We don't really know why Khloe wants to stay and she just keeps having vague explanations that don't really make sense that she expects everyone to accept. Nothing happened and this was supposed to be the biggest episode of the season, it doesn't feel real because she was being nice and fake in front of the cameras and not showing us any of the mess behind the scenes because she wants him to feel comfortable. All we really got was Kim and Kourtney talking shit about him, which isn't a reason to watch and we didn't learn anything about the scandal. They try and draw us in by showing us "behind the headlines" but we already knew everything that happened, there was nothing juicy about it and it was a monumental waste of time.

Apparently, their off-camera talk with Tristan started out nice and he was very remorseful but he got mad when Kris gave him the option to continue to fuck THOTs if that's what he wants to do. Why does he need to stay with Khloe anyway? If he enjoys having sex with multiple women when he was a pregnant baby mama at home then he should just go do that, why does he need to keep messing with Khloe? And why would he get mad at Kris for saying that, because it's true. He did what he did and he has no one to blame but himself. The audacity of this man is insane, he cheats on Khloe in front of the whole world but then gets mad at them, was he never thought right and wrong as a child? He's never going to change and now he's just going to learn how to hide his whores better, but if Khloe wants that life of never being able to trust anything he says, then let her have it.

Kim talked about the cheating scandal on Ellen, Tristan got mad at her so she unfollowed him. Those are the facts and I don't even care enough to give a snarky opinion because I'm not here for a Kim vs Tristan storyline, it's dumb and a waste of time and is just trying to distract us from what we really want to see which is Khloe actually dealing with her baby daddy cheating on her and not sweeping it under the rug to accommodate him. Ugh. I'm so tired and this season can't end soon enough.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians airs Sundays at 9/8c on E! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first family of reality TV.