top of page

Shade of the Week: Jim Marchese

I don't want to give any more press to this four-eyed pig but it's been a slow week and there's no one else I'd rather shade than that gross little parasite some of you know as Jim Marchese. There's so much material I could write a book on all the reasons why he is truly one of the worst people to ever walk planet earth and the high probability of him having a signed copy of Mein Kampf on his nightstand is just one of them.

It astonishes me how such a large amount of hatred can fit inside such a little man. He may only be 5"6 but that's five feet of aggression, self-hate and narcissism just waiting to come out. We were first introduced to this rat faced Rugrat on the sixth and failed season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Any true fan knows it was a mistake that should have never happened but Bravo wanted to shake up the cast and they thought bringing in twins and an aggressively unlikable couple would be a reason to watch. And it was not. Through his short run on reality TV, Jim and his wife will be remembered for two things: her having cancer and him being an asshole nobody could fathom to be around. Even zen Dina Manzo couldn’t stand the cuntiness his presence exuded.

Jim always likes to challenge people. It’s like he has to prove he has the biggest dick in the room at all times, which definitely means he’s working with a micropenis. He was reality TV gold because the viewers naturally hated his guts and he’d start petty drama for the cameras by dissing the Giudices and saying one of the twins husbands fucked their mother. Thank God, Andy Cohen and the whole team over at Bravo for taking the Marcheses off reality TV when they did and ending his gross reign of terror.

Following their fifteen minutes of Bravo fame, Amber and Jim did what all fired Housewives do when they still want to hang onto the little bit of fame they have left: join Marriage Bootcamp. WEtv is where Housewives go to die and the Marchese's ashes are in good company with Gretchen and Slade, Aviva Drescher, Phaedra Parks and countless other fallen soldiers who came before them in need of a check and a little more attention, even if it compromised their dignity which obviously they didn't have a lot to begin with. A reality star with dignity is like a dog without a tail: strange and uncommon.

The Marcheses' relationship seemed to get even worse after boot camp after he "allegedly" physically chocked and threatened her while on a flight which resulted in Jim being arrested and the couple making a statement to the press claiming the flight attendant who reported the incident was lying and went on to sue the airline and the specific flight attendant for defamation, negligent infliction of emotional distress, false imprisonment and malicious prosecution. First of all, why would a flight attendant just decide to make up allegations of abuse and decide to delay the plane by getting the police involved? She doesn't have a dog in this fight. And second, why make a legal battle out of it? They are more tired than an insomnia patient.

Jim is a manipulative, controlling asswipe who is exceptional at placing the blame back onto other people and making scathing remarks towards them with his little bitch attitude, which has been evidenced from his time on RHONJ and Marriage Boot Camp. Even the fucking therapists on that show could see he was more controlling than a Middle Eastern dictator. Choking your wife on your plane (allegedly) is bad enough but making the whole plane wait while the police come onboard and arrest you is a cunt's act. By all accounts, Jim and Amber are still together but their destructive marriage isn't the reason we are all here today, it's because of his recent disgusting social media behaviour of late.

After Kevin Hart was fired from hosting the Oscars as a result of saying he would die if his son were gay, Jim came forward to support his fellow little person by saying no straight male wants a gay son and that being gay is a curse, takes away from family traditions, is a nightmare for parents, destroys families and ruins Christmas. Out of all these claims I'm surprised he says the gays ruin Christmas because they know how to throw a holiday event and transform any situation from drab to fab. Obviously, he's never seen Queer Eye.

After scrolling through his bigoted Twitter feed Jim's main contention is that he wants his children to marry the opposite sex so he can have grandchildren which aren't adopted from another country because apparently gay adoption has caused a crisis from lack of children being born.

Um. The LGBT community take up a small minority of the world's population and I'm sure Jim got his statistics from some Trump covered Republican FOX News outlet but it's just not true. Europe is not running out of people because a few gays are adopting children who were already born without a home. And as for his comments that NO STRAIGHT MALE wants a gay son, Joe Gorga even came out to slam him saying he'd love his sons if they were gay and I'm pretty sure he's a straight male. Saying being gay is a curse that destroys families is blatantly homophobic and I can't find a word to describe it that isn't a synonym for disgusting.

And I'm sorry but loving someone of the same sex isn't equivalent to being vegan. Everyone has the ability to wake up and choose not to consume dairy but no one wakes up one day and says I want to make my life ten times harder and start sucking dick so that my family disowns me, I get bullied at school and have to hide who I really am. Nobody would choose to have that life and in 2018 I don’t understand how people are still combating it.

I'm not sensitive at all and very little offends me but this is wrong and someone needs to hold Jim and his ratface accountable. It's just not right and the real victims of the situation aren't the Housewives fans who see his hateful tweet, but his kids who have to live with him and his twisted ideals as a father. Being gay isn't a crime or a depravity and I don't know why we have to bring this disgusting, unfair and wrong mentality into the next generation.

In the words of Kelly Dodd: you're a little bitch dude.

  • Facebook Social Icon
  • Twitter Social Icon
  • Instagram Social Icon
bottom of page