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RHOBH Recap: Cunty Bunny

This season has been boring. We were all expecting some dramatic, over the top comeback season for Beverly Hills but all it turned into was everyone talking about a fucking dog and then complaining that they want their friendships with Lisa Vandercunt back. 

Why? What benefit are they getting from being friends with this woman who sets them up constantly and always keeps score? If she’s not coming around then nobody should bother talking about her. I’m glad she’s been taken down once and for all but there’s only so much Vanderpump talk I can endure. It seems like all the women have gotten the memo not to talk about She Who Shall Not Be Named which is why this was the first good episode in a long time. The ladies who went all the way to Hawaii for a woman they don’t even like, were pissed with Camille after she bitched about LVP not going to her wedding, 20 minutes before a People Magazine article hit the press saying the complete opposite. 

Camille may be the only one contributing in the drama department right now but seeing her play both sides of the fence is just sad. Doesn’t she realise all her two-faced interactions are being filmed and everybody is going to find out everything she’s been saying? Camille tells the ladies she’s mad LVP didn’t attend her wedding when she already spoke to People kissing Vanderpump’s ass. What’s the point, Camille? What’s the fucking point. The pernicious friend of looks like an idiot and although all the ladies got hyped up over her speaking out both sides of her mouth, nobody called her on it because Kyle asked them not to at her Halloween party. 

Are you fucking kidding me? This is their job to stir shit up and confront people when they need to be confronted and now we aren’t going to see the ladies address her shitty behaviour until the come back from the France trip. And talking to Camille won’t do any good, she’ll just weasel her way out of it while talking shit about the girls in her confessionals. I love Camille Grammer’s bitchy talking heads but she’s got to learn to say things to people’s faces, who cares if Teddi Mellencamp or Dorit Kemsley get mad at her? She’s not friends with them. 

Before the party, Denise returned from filming her Hallmark Christmas movie to her husband finding out she told all the ladies (and America) about their happy ending search. He played it off =but as soon as those cameras went down Aaron would’ve ripped her a new asshole because he looked more pissed off than Vicki Gunvalson talking about having multiple partners. On top of Aaron’s anger, we also found out that the happy ending was given to him by a 200-year-old woman. Couldn’t they have just hired Charlie’s Thanksgiving hooker to do the service for him? I love Denise’s happy ending story and there’s no shame in it whatsoever. She wanted her husband to receive an oily handjob from a stranger. In the words of Joy Behar: so what? Who cares? 

Denise is carrying this show like a turtle on her back because she doesn’t give a single fuck. She doesn’t care about the stupid dog drama, drinks tequila like it’s going extinct and is the down to earth cast member we need, as well as being a movie star and having more juicy Charlie Sheen stories than a hooker on Sunset Boulevard. Somehow the person with the least drama on this show manages to be the most entertaining. 

And can we talk about the lawsuits? I don’t like Lisa Vandercunt but why are talking about Puppy Gate for 16 episodes straight when three of the cast members are involved in major lawsuits? It doesn’t make sense. In Jersey, OC, New York or literally any other franchise it would be all the ladies could talk about. I get we have to pretend these ladies are rich but Mauricio, PK and Mr Girardi are all facing million dollar lawsuits and it’s unprofessional not to talk about it. Instead, Lisa Rinna and Kyle got mammograms and while it was important and educational for everyone to see at home to prompt women across America to all get one, I don’t care to see Kyle get anxiety about potentially having cancer which we all know she doesn’t have. It’s just boring but I’m glad they left it in. 

Finally we can get to the Halloween party. Now that Kyle and Teddi are BFFs you would think Kyle would be skinner than ever, but is she gaining weight because nothing she buys seems to fit lately from her bridesmaids dress to her Playboy bunny costume. She looks snatched but I guess her big (natural) boobs just stop her from actually fitting into things. The thing I love about watching Halloween on the Housewives is that everyone goes all out. Everyone. Let’s go through the costumes real quick: 

Kyle and Mauricio were Hugh Hefner and a Playboy bunny and while we’ve seen this many times throughout the years, they both looked hot and Halloween is the one day of the year where you can dress like a total slut and nobody can say anything. Denise arrived as Marie Antionette (I assume, I wasn’t really listening) and while she was stunning in her costume, her dress looked more uncomfortable than Camille’s face. Teddi and her husband were Harley Quinn and the Joker. Is Suicide Squad still a thing? Superhero movies aren’t for me and I never cared to see it but Harley Quinn has got to be the most generic Halloween costume of the last three years. 

Rinna dressed up as Erika Jayne which was a genius move because you can be as cunty as you want and nobody can say a thing, except Mr Giradi but Harry Fucking Hamlin didn’t care enough to come so we didn’t get to see that aspect of the costume. And everyone else came as a fucking cat. The most basic costume of all time is coming as a fucking hat and it’s not hard. You wear a sexy outfit, draw on some whiskers and slap on a pair of bunny ears, it’s not that hard and we definitely didn’t deserve three of them. Camille was catwoman (I know, hold down your vomit), Dorit was Karl Lagerfeld’s pet which is so on brand and Erika was just a cat. 

Kim Richards always made an appearance at her sister’s Halloween get together and although she always brings the drama when she’s around, I struggle to watch Kim. She’s has an unsettling energy only comparable to Danielle Staub and she looks like Kyle went crazy, bleached her hair and fell in front of a bus. I don’t enjoy watching Kim Richards on my screen but this show is so boring, I’m desperate for even the town drunk to keep things interesting. 

In Kim’s defence, she came to have a good time and was ready to put her beef with Lisa Rinna behind her. Underneath it all Kim is a fun, loveable character but her unstable energy clouds my judgment. She went to hug Rinna who blocked her in the most awkward way while trying to be Erika Jayne and then Kim suddenly popped up with her own confessional. You know this show is circling the drain when they give someone with a one episode arc a talking head, but I was actually interested to see what she had to say. 

After avoiding each other, the entire cast took a group picture where Rinna (as Erika Jayne) proclaimed “Kim! Giving Lisa Rinna that bunny was really cunty.” Nobody said anything. Not one soul. Everyone just stood there in shock before they all decided to just take another picture. I haven’t seen a moment this awkward in a very long time and although I’ll always be on Rinna’s side in the drama department, in the emotional department it was shitty to say that to Kim who was trying just to have a good time at the party. She may look like a run over Kyle, but I have to be fair. 

This is the side of Rinna that I miss. The Rinna who is thinking about how she can be messy and deliver great TV at any turn. She is at her best when she’s feuding at Kim and these two have one of the best feuds in Housewives history that will probably continue forever. Whether Rinna is attempting to choke her in international waters, talking about her sobriety or Kim giving back the bunny, it never gets old. Did we really need to bring up the bunny? This fucking bunny deserves a diamond at this point. 

Rinna did it to be messy and I’m here for it. At least they weren’t talking about Vanderpump. Suddenly Denise got involved to put Kim in her place which was another reason I’m obsessed with Denise Richards. She stood up for her friend, defended why she feels the way she feels about the bunny and attempted to have a conversation with Kim which is harder than trigonometry because the woman struggles to stay on topic or make a rational argument at the best of times, let alone when she was just called a cunt. In all honesty we need Kim back as at least a friend next season because I could watch Denise and her spar all day long. Kim doesn’t do well with logical people who make sense. 

In the end, after a weird Erika Jayne acting attempt Rinna and Kim made up and although I don’t think it will last longer than half an hour because they can’t stand one another, it nice to see them wrap this entire bunny ordeal up with a big bow, that is of course until they unwrap it and set it on fire the next time they happen to be in each other’s presence. 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the 90210 ladies

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