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RHOBH Recap: Pretend Amnesia

There must be a god somewhere because this boring France trip finally came to an end, I can’t think of one Housewives trip where less happened. Teddi and Kyle were weird about Erika not being mad about something that happened three weeks ago and then apologised on the last day aboard. Can someone explain to me why I constantly sit through week after week of this bullshit, because it’s tiring?

Teddi woke up and “couldn’t remember” anything she said the night before. She was drunk but she wasn’t that drunk, so Teddi definitely has recollection of walking down the stairs. Sonja Morgan fell under a fucking table and woke up the next day with more memory than this accountability coach allegedly did. Alcohol is truth serum, it brings the truth out and Teddi acting like she doesn’t remember is bullshit, I’ve seen pornstars with better acting skills. What the fuck is this? Pretend amnesia? At this point, everyone on the cast has had their own turn of not remembering something but this is the most stupid excuse yet. Kyle couldn’t even hold her head up at the dinner table and she still knew what went down the night before.

For some reason, the ladies decided to do archery. Ugh. We all know how I feel about sports on these reality shows, I’d rather watch Dorit eat a nail than see a bunch of Housewives throw a bunch of arrows at a board, however, if they aimed them at each other I wouldn’t be opposed. After thirty seconds of boredom, the producers got back on track and showed us Teddi apologising to Erika for something she claimed she didn’t even remember doing. Teddi is so scared of Erika she shits her pants in every conversation they have and always craves some weird level of approval from her that I don’t quite understand.

Apparently, she feels whenever Erika is irritated she thinks it’s her fault and takes it on, which is fucking strange. What happened to Teddi as a child because this relationship with Erika in her head is just weird. Were they lesbian lovers in a past life? She obviously thinks she’s fake, due to a handy flashback, but she denied it and the two made up. This isn’t a real friendship but I don’t have it in me to see these two bitches fight for an entire season.

Kyle was the next one to apologise to Erika and she did it with the typical “I’m sorry IF I hurt you” Housewives apology. I love Kyle but she’s been in this game for a LONG time, so she obviously knows exactly what she’s doing with her words. As weird, unnecessary and annoying as this fight was, I’m glad they managed to resolve it in an open manner without Erika just sitting there with her resting bitch face saying “we’re good.” She finally voiced her opinion and expressed her feelings were hurt without shutting everyone out with a cold stare, so as boring as this show has become with everyone getting along, it’s a relief to see everyone growing their friendships even if it has the same entertainment value as watching paint dry.

Following everyone making up with Erika and putting their drunken fight behind them, all the ladies headed back to LA after the fires to visit public enemy number one: Camille Grammer. However, I do have one thing to address. On last week’s preview they showed the Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick talking shit about Camille but this week we only saw a flash of her talking to Kyle about her tableless house. What the fuck are these editors doing? I need more of Morally Corrupt and I need it now and while we’re at it, can we just throw her a diamond? Faye and Kris Jenner are the actual REAL Housewives of Beverly Hills and if the producers want wealth, scandal, entertainment and a juicy backstory, they should be knocking on both these bitches doors.

On the other side of town, everyone went out for lunch with Camille where Rinna brought along two bags full of QVC clothes for the fire victims in the group to wear. If the life-changing fire wasn't bad enough, now all they have to wear are Lisa Rinna QVC dusters? That’s just kicking someone when they’re down. It was thoughtful of Rinna but those clothes went in the trash as soon as Denise and Camille got home. Well, not home but whereever they’re living. It’s hard to feel bad for Camille, yes she lost her home and all her possessions but she has more money than god and can rebuild her home 10 times over. There are real people with no homes or clothes that are living in shelters who can’t afford to rebuild their houses, as well as those people that actually lost their lives, so there’s no way anyone wants to put up with Camille crying about finding a Burberry jacket.

At this point everyone hates Camille but they can’t do anything about it because her house burned down. So? Who cares? If you’re a cunt, you’re a cunt, it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a home, when you’re in Housewives land you’ve got to be able to cop a beating at any time and holding back is making the women do exactly what Camille is doing. They’re bitching about her behind her back and pretending to feel sorry for her to her face, so nobody has the moral high ground at this point, you can’t complain about being fake when you’re being fake yourself.

Thank fuck for Camille. She’s no longer a saint and officially has her Season One title back but without Camille, we would not have a thing to watch. After Dorit unveiled her Kitson store window to the group, which was more boring and underwhelming than giving a handjob to a limp penis, all the ladies including Camille went to dinner and the shit finally hit the fan. The only thing they’ve had to talk about was Camille being a two-faced bitch, so they may as well say it to one of her faces and give us something to watch.

Camille’s behaviour was weird this season. She spoke out of both sides of her mouth the entire time and was good with LVP while also talking shit about her. I still have no idea what Camille’s real opinion is but maybe she doesn’t even have one? Camille’s flip-flopping was strange but it was better than watching Teddi drunk cry and then claim she didn’t even remember it the next day. Finally, the ladies addressed her talking shit about Dorit and instead of twisting her words of hiding behind a rock, Camille not only owned everything but she came in swinging and doubled down on everything she said.

It went from Camille saying she doesn’t know where Dorit gets her money, to talking about PK’s bankruptcy, saying he owes her friend money and even referenced PK’s NUMEROUS ongoing lawsuits. Three of the ladies husbands were being sued during this entire season and instead of talking about the millions of dollars they owe other people, everyone was focusing on Vanderpump, and while it was a good cause, if you sign up for a reality show you have to show your reality. As a fan, knowing everybody knew this information but didn’t want to talk about it, Camille dropping the money issues topic is the ultimate BUT NOW WE SAID IT.

Dorit’s finances have been questionable since day one but now Camille finally said it. Thank fuck. She came to do her job and gave us more than anyone who was actually holding a diamond this season. Everyone knows I can’t stand LVP and I’m happy she’s gone far away, however, these other women aren’t bringing much to the table. They all blamed Camille for going low with the finances but they were all questioning her about talking shit. You can’t poke the bear and not expect her to bite someone’s bedazzled hand.

Also, do we need to have a trip down memory lane? Last season, Teddi told Rinna the shit Dorit was saying about her and somehow it ended up with everyone mad at Teddi for bringing it up, however, with the roles reversed everyone was mad at Camille for saying the shit. Can everyone pick a lane? Things have finally started to go somewhere on this show with Camille taking back her shit-stirring reigns and I appreciate it more than a fat kid appreciates cake.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the 90210 ladies

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