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RHOA Recap: Dennis The Menace

How the fuck does Eva still have a peach? Out of everyone in Atlanta who could be on this show, why do the producers keep bringing back Eva, her hippy rags and her forgetful shade? I need an answer. Eva isn't even important or impactful enough to hate, she's just boring. The main drama on the show right now is Eva telling Porsha she didn't bring her children to Kenya's event because she doesn't like her energy. Really bitch?

If Eva had said she was too busy to bring her kids along, that would've been a more than plausible excuse but she doesn't have to throw Kenya under the bus for no fucking reason. It doesn't matter if you don't like Kenya, it's a children's event. Period. End of story. Since Eva has been on the show she's had a habit of throwing shade behind closed doors and then magically forgetting what she said when she's face to face with the person she was talking shit about. This woman always acts like she’s above the drama, when she's the one who instigated it, you can't throw a bomb and then be surprised when your arm gets blown off. I am sick of the pretend amnesia, and unless Eva has some receipts to prove she's got dementia, then she needs to stand up straight and shade people to their faces. It would be one thing if Eva's shade was funny, but it's just as boring, monotone and try hard as the top model herself.

Of course, Eva launched into a "shady" tirade against Kenya and then started trashing Porsha and her c-section scar. Um. This situation really isn't deep enough to bring up Porsha's healing c-section and Eva has no reason to be mad at the resident street fighter of Atlanta at all. Eva made the initial Kenya comments to Porsha, so I have no idea how or why she's suddenly mad at the new mother. Eva is just throwing shade and trying to be funny, but her jokes are landing as well as a blind man trying to land a plane. My main problem with Eva is that she acts like she's above the drama, but then will throw shade and not own up to what she said when she's called out, it's exhausting and not the actions of someone who deserves to hold a peach. Also, out of all the women on this show why the fuck did Dish Nation hire Eva? I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing to be on that show, but either way, Eva was a dumb choice.

While Eva ran her mouth behind Kenya's back and said things she'll "forget" when she's confronted in a few weeks, Miss Twirl was across town trying to find some kind of candle or sage to get rid of bad energy. Kenya Moore is a shady mess. Somehow this woman always manages to throw shade whether it's in a fight or just in how she deals with the situation. If you say Kenya has bad energy, she'll head on down to the energy store. If you say Kenya has gonorrhea, I'm sure she'd take the cameras to see her have an STD test. In short: don't fuck with Kenya. Clearly, Cynthia Bailey didn't get this message. The CHill enthusiast got into it with Kenya after she defended Eva. Since when were those two such fast friends?

Cynthia has a habit of always trying to show the other person's point of view unless she's talking to NeNe and then she's firmly stuck in the Rich Bitch's anus. I love Cynthia and she was in a bad place whether she agreed with Kenya or defended Eva. 52 Cynt always somehow ends up in between two of her friends, and I'm just glad she had a backbone in the situation whether she was #TeamTwirl or not. However, in this situation there really only is one side. Eva shaded Kenya for no reason, specifically considering she brought her children into it, and Mrs. Moore Daly had a problem with it. That's it. Cynthia tried to say her new bestie would've thrown the same shade whether Kenya was there or not but that statement is faker than NeNe's hairline. I love the fact Kenya returned the shitty CVS doll Eva brought Brooklyn and I can't wait for the ATL's resident shit-stirrer to put the disgruntled model into her place.

In other Kenya news, her husband obviously hates her and two episodes in, I already can't wait for Miss Twirl to divorce her asshat of a husband. Marc Daly sucks and in one FaceTime session, he managed to criticize how Kenya styled their daughter's hair and complain about her dogs being inside. I'm sorry but Kenya's little furballs are not outside dogs by any means, and if he wants to have a say in how Kenya parents their daughter, he should at least make an effort to be in the same state. Long-distance relationships NEVER work, and the more I think about it, the more this was just a marriage of convenience for both parties so they could have a child together. Kenya is always forced to compete with her daughter to receive some kind of attention from Marc but he couldn't give less of a fuck about his wife. Also, Brooklyn is quite possibly the most beautiful baby on the face of this earth. Don't tell Porsha.

Of course, Kenya tried to laugh off his condescending and controlling ways because there were cameras present and she was three days into filming a new season of her reality show, but there are cracks forming and I'm not surprised they didn't last the entire season. You can already tell Kenya is trying to laugh off his shitty behavior because she's so desperate to make her happily ever after work and keep her family together, however, you can't make it work with someone who's not even trying. Marc is already canceled in my book and we're definitely in for an entire season of the producers turning him into the Shane Simpson of Atlanta. Kenya left the show to be with her husband because he avoided Bravo cameras like the plague, however, I think once she popped a baby out and her eyes started to open up to who she was married to, she snatched her peach back because she knew she shouldn't sacrificed her career for a man who wouldn't do the same for her.

Marlo Hampton popped us this week and instead of bragging about her designer handbags a rich white guy bought her or exposing someone else's dirt, she brought her three nephews along to play with Kandi's son at a play center. Even though this woman doesn't have a peach, Marlo is like a bad smell that won't go away with a Birkin that her mouth paid for, and I appreciate it. Even if Bravo stopped signing her cheques, I'm sure she'd pop up at events all over Atlanta uninvited just to stir shit up and keep the women on their toes. However, Marlo wasn't just babysitting her nephews for the day, she's officially been Aunt Marlo for five months after their bipolar mother was taken away to the psych ward.

Say what you want about Marlo Hampton, but you have to respect her for stepping up to the plate and taking in those three kids. After almost a decade of her being the messy friend and wearing clothes her sugar daddies paid for, we're finally seeing Marlo in a more maternal, mature light and I give her major snaps for raising three kids she didn't even give birth to.

Don't you think Aunt Marlo would be the best aunt you could ask for? She'd be fun and unfiltered, but also put you in your place when you need to know what time it is. I can already see her puffing on cigarettes and finessing her clients while the kids play in the backyard. In a weird way taking these kids under her wing is probably the best thing to ever happen to the glorified sugar baby because she can get her rich white boyfriends to up her allowance on her grounds she has kids to raise. All jokes aside, I'm proud of Marlo for showing us a different side to her and helping out her family when they needed it. Snaps for Miss Hampton.

While we're on the subject of showing appreciation where appreciation is due, Cynthia's daughter Noelle admitted she's sexually fluid and is interested in both boys and girls. While 52 Cynt was a little taken back at the thought of her daughter going for a swim in the lady pond, Atlanta's answer to Gilmore Girls had an extremely healthy, progressive and loving conversation that I hope more families can have after watching this. It was such a beautiful moment and these two are definitely one of my favorite mother-daughter duos across all the franchises. Can you imagine Kim Zolciak and Brielle having a conversation like that?

The real meat and potatoes of the episode was Porsha dealing with Dennis cheating on her while she was pregnant. What the hot dog cunt did was such a betrayal and his peanut brain can't even fathom the amount of hurt his dumb actions have inflicted on his baby mama. Porsha is now second-guessing their entire relationship, and although the writing was on the wall it doesn't make things any better. Dennis cheated while she was pregnant before they even had any issues in their relationship which just shows what an asshole of a man he really is. What the Tristan Thompson is going on? Why do so many men think it's okay to play around on the woman who is carrying their child? It's nothing short of disgusting.

Mr. Hot Dog admitted to cheating on her in a therapy session we didn't get to see. That's the most maddening part of all, Dennis can fuck every hoe in Atlanta while Porsha is getting ready to push his child out of her vagina and still refuse to have Bravo cameras capture their therapy session? Fuck no. Dennis should take a break from the cocaine, THOTs, and Beastiality and mic his ass up, front and center on-camera to prove to Porsha he wants to make things work.

The estranged couple also had sex, which obviously complicates the situation more, but what couple hasn't had sex when they're breaking up? It's a rite of passage for anyone going through a messy situation. You can't get over someone until you get under them one last time. I don't even have any words about this mess, I just feel bad for Porsha and I want to reach through the TV to give her a massive hug and snuggle into her heaving breasts, because no one deserves to go through what she's going through.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches.

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