RHOD Recap: Baby Elephants
This season has been more boring than Kary Brittingham's personality, however, as soon as the ladies traveled into international waters, the drama finally started to heat up. I've been mostly MIA in my recaps of the latest season because nothing has really happened so far, but I'm glad I can hop back on the Dallas train in time for their Thailand trip.
All the ladies were delirious from their 21 hour trip to the other side of the world due to the wonderful invention of Xanax, so none of them really remember the flight or the car ride to the hotel, which is how it should be when you're traveling for an extended period of time. Thank fuck for Xanax. Kameron Westcott is officially a different person after taking two magic pills to travel "into the future" because suddenly she wants to explore the Red Light District and attend a ping pong show. Who would've thought those words would come out of the Dallas socialite's mouth? To begin their trip, the ladies read a list of Thailand rules with the most shocking one being, no fighting in public. There's a 0% chance any Housewives franchise could travel together and not getting into a public brawl, that's just not how it works, so Thailand needs to update their rules in accordance with the Real Housewives.
I can't think of anything more boring than traveling halfway across the world and sitting in a temple, it's not entertaining and the producers need to find another activity to keep these women stimulated. After 21 hours of travel and jet lag, I would've passed out on the temple floor and taken a well-deserved nap. During the ladies' visit to the temple, LeeAnne had to keep reminding Kary to take off her hat inside the temple, which of course, gave the thirsty Housewife a reason to fight with the resident carny. It's not that hard, just take the fucking hat off and leave it off, how many times do you need to be told? Kary is doing everything in her power to create a beef with LeeAnne, so either she has the memory of a goldfish, or she just wanted to piss off the OG Housewife.
Following their "thrilling" trip to the temple, the ladies all got their fortunes read on the side of the street while Kary tried to negotiate with a man selling elephant statues. Really bitch? These people have no money while you're living the lap of luxury in Dallas and you're trying to get a cheaper price for a dumb little elephant? Even LeeAnne, the least financially wealthy one on the show, had enough respect to pay the man enough money, which just caused Kary to call her an idiot behind her back. The newbie Housewife sucks and she's definitely a one-season wonder in the making. She doesn't fit in with the group, I'm sick of her subtitles, she clearly just joined the show to get a divorce and it's not fun seeing her hang out with the dingleberries in D'Andra's ass. Out of all the Housewives you could be asshole buddies with, why the fuck would you choose D'Andra Simmons?
Kary was looking for a fight with LeeAnne to try and remain relevant on this show and kept repeating over and over how the carny has never traveled outside the United States. First of all, why is that a bad thing? Plenty of people watching probably have never left the US, and secondly, we've seen LeeAnne take many trips with these cast into international waters, so Kary's comments are just thirsty and redundant. This Thailand sightseeing trip was pathetic. The ladies saw a temple, got their fortunes read in a run-down store and ate pad thai on the side of the road. The Beverly Hills ladies would never be caught dead eating street food, and I'm confused why this is such a low budget trip. Did the producers blow all their money on the flight over? Bangkok isn't the prettiest or cleanest city, from my own personal experience, however, the producers could've taken us to the nicer part of town and given us some level of aspiration, because even I could afford to eat dirty street food.
Instead of all the ladies finding a nice place to eat as a group, Kary and D'Andra bought their own food and started devouring it in front of everyone else. What the actual fuck? That's just a plain rude and I would feel like an inconsiderate asshole if I sat down to eat while all my cast members just waited around aimlessly with their own starving stomachs. Could they have not find anywhere nicer to eat than the side of the street? Were there no restaurants open? Call me a snob, but there is no way I'm eating food from the side of the street that's been sitting in the sun all day because that's just asking for diarrhea. If these women are going to Thailand, I want them to give us a five-star experience, not hang out on a dirty, humid street corner.
Following Kary and D'Andra's annoying and rude behavior, all the ladies made it back to their hotel and got ready for dinner after essentially an entire day without food. I would've gotten room service to my room and charged it to Bravo's credit card because it's literally a human right to eat every 12 hours and I do not feel bad about it. All the ladies went to dinner at the hotel to consume food that wasn't prepared on the side of the road, while D'Andra and her asshole buddy Kary rocked up late for dramatic effect. Mama Dee's daughter purchased LeeAnne's L'Infinity dress that you can wear 175 ways which is confusing to me, because this woman can't afford to keep her business running, but she can buy a polyester dress just to be an asshole. D'Andra claimed she wore the dress to dinner to make LeeAnne laugh, which is just as plausible as blonde being her natural hair color.
They spent an hour in the room making fun of the dress on-camera and then burst into the dinner shitting on how hard it was to put together. I love a joke, but this was probably the least funny thing I've ever seen. I didn't even chuckle. Not one giggle. If someone went out of their way to purchase a Hard Night Good Morning product, just to talk shit and laugh about it, then we'd hear D'Andra carry on about it for an entire season, however, when she does it, it's just a joke, right? Brandi and Stephanie are the resident pranksters of the group and even they could see that D'Andra and her sidekick were just being assholes. Instead of enjoying dinner, the only thing Kary could do was nitpick at the dress, she wanted a reaction out of LeeAnne and she wasn't going to stop until she got one. Seriously, every time the discussion would die down, Kary would find a way to bring the dress back up. It was sad, desperate, thirsty, attention-seeking and just proved her only goal on the show has been to fuck with LeeAnne Locken.
D'Andra and Kary's aim was to make LeeAnne react and pull one of her carny stunts, so they could stir up some drama and have a reason to be mad at the newlywed Housewife. Instead, LeeAnne decided to keep her cool and not react, which is the best thing she could do in the situation, even though she was being poked and prodded like a bear in a cage. It was just a pure mean girl mentality and I'm proud of LeeAnne for keeping it together. Tweddle Broke Bitch and Tweedle Subtitles, pretended like D'Andra wore the dress to be funny and that they were "just giving LeeAnne some constructive criticism," when they were really just doing it to be bitches. If you're gonna act like a cunt, at least own your shitty behavior, then I'll have more respect for you, but don't lie and try to get it away with it. I don't understand why you would act like a cunt and then not follow through? It doesn't make sense to me.
After LeeAnne finally had enough of their passive-aggressive behavior, she stormed out of the restaurant and went into a blurry iPhone recorded rage about how Kary is supposed to be a "strong Mexican". During the whole episode, LeeAnne cracked jokes about Kary not being able to speak English and kept referring to her as Mexican. While I don't think LeeAnne is racist at her core whatsoever, she could've picked a better insult than talking about her race. It was just a dumb choice of words on the carny's part. Attacking someone's ethnicity is just low hanging fruit and LeeAnne can definitely think of something better than that.
LeeAnne Locken is her own worst enemy because she always punches herself in the face. Instead of everyone focusing on those two idiot's behavior, now this fight is going to be all about her potentially racist comments. Two steps forward, three steps back. This is the first time the Dallas Housewives have ever tackled race and out of everyone on the cast, I really didn't think LeeAnne Locken would be labeled as the racist one...
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lone star ladies.