100th Shade of the Week: Vicki Gunvalson
HAPPY 100th SHADE DAY!
After two years, our 100th Shade of the Week has finally arrived and no one is more fitting of a recipient than Vicki Gunvalson. This woman is the OG of OGs with a whole lot of shade worthy baggage, so there's no one else I'd rather dedicate our 100th day of shade to than the woman who started it all.
Let's just hope she doesn't make this her schtick like Peggy Sulahian has done with her Instagram since she was cast on the show. If I see one more #Housewife100 hashtag on that woman's social media I am going to set myself on fire and jump out the window. We get it, you just so happened to be the 100th woman cast on a Housewives franchise, but you were also fired after a season and have no memorable moments, so find a corner, shut the fuck up and sit down.
Although Vicki and her latest face have been relegated to a friend position for the fourteenth season of The Real Housewives of Orange County, she has given us more than enough iconic moments during her tenure on Bravo from screeching about having multiple partners on top of a mountain, continuously screaming in a tone only dogs can hear, dancing on the Andales bar, fighting with Tamra Judge every second season, being wheeled to an Iceland hospital in a sheet, almost dying in an ATV crash, questioning every single cast member on why they don't work, building her own insurance business and (allegedly) helping her ex-boyfriend, who shall not be named, fake cancer. Vicki Gunvalson has done it all, however, her hard work over the years obviously isn't enough to keep an orange in her hands.
Following her accusing Tamra's husband of being gay, Shannon Beador's husband of beating the shit out of her and Kelly Dodd of doing cocaine, Bravo finally had enough of her toxic antics and demoted her to a friend of position. Vicki Gunvalson is never, ever going to learn her lesson when it comes to spreading rumors on television and the network punished her by taking the only thing that mattered away: her orange way. This show needs Vicki as much as she needs the show but I'm enjoying her as a friend and we don't need her full time anytime soon. We get the drama and conflict when she comes around to film, but we don't have to be bothered by her mundane relationship with Steve Lodge. It's a win-win, Vicki's only contribution to the show this season is drama and it makes me happier than Shane Simpson seeing his wife in pain. Steve sucks and the only way I'll want Vicki back holding an orange again, is if she throws him to the curb and gives us Whoop It Up-Andles Vicki.
Many people believed she would be back in a full-time capacity next season, a la Luann de Lesseps, however, after the messy legal drama she unleashed onto Bravo in the past week, I doubt that will ever happen. Vicki sued Kelly and Bravo for defamation and wanted her frenemy's con-woman comments taken out of a future episode, however, once the network threatened to ban her from the upcoming reunion, Vicki retracted that lawsuit faster than David Beador running towards any piece of pussy that doesn't belong to his ex-wife. The only thing Bravo hates more than Housewives suing each other is Housewives suing them, and taking legal action against the network that employs you is a great way to be fired for good.
Vicki is an asset to this show, however, they know she'll keep coming back season after season, so they can treat her like shit knowing she can't do anything about. If I had to make a prediction, I'd predict the OG of the OC will never hold an orange again and will be the Danielle Staub of Orange County for the rest of her Housewives career. Bravo made Vicki drop her lawsuit and they are keeping Kelly's comments in the upcoming episode, so the only thing her legal action did was piss off the network, and that's not a company you want to piss off, especially when they pay your bills. This lawsuit is the most idiotic thing I've ever seen Vicki do, and that says A LOT, but why now after 14 years of whooping it up on television is Victoria now deciding to get her lawyers involved?
All the women called her a con woman since she (allegedly) was involved in a cancer scheme, so why is this latest time any different? Those allegations are already out there for the world to see and trying to prevent them from airing only brings more attention to the issue. Vicki has accused Kelly of doing cocaine, participating in an eight-man sex train, being banned from her daughter's school and pushing her mother down the stairs, so she obviously doesn't understand the meaning of defamation. Once you get past the OG of the OC's bad behavior, you have to admire her for who she is, just as you would Ramona Singer. She's never going to learn her lesson, so we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride of insanity that is her life.
After making up with Kelly and "surrendering" why would Vicki think it would be a good idea to accuse her of pushing her mother down the stairs in front of a film crew? Does this woman know what a consequence is? As much as Vicki is the worst, she's comedic relief for me this season. She's just a wacky, thirsty old lady wandering around the background throwing anything at the wall that will stick, and I appreciate her efforts to get her orange back, even if it involves staging her engagement on camera. Vicki is like herpes, she sucks and is the worst, however, you just can't get rid of her. Ever. Vicki telling Steve to talk to Tamra about their (potential) engagement on camera was the most cringeworthy thing I've ever seen, and she definitely picked out that ring herself to enhance her storyline on the show and as contrived as that is, you have to respect her hustle.
There's no way Vicki will let Bravo fire her from the show. Even if they don't ask her back next season (which I highly doubt) I’m convinced she’ll rock up announced to group events just to get the corner of her face on camera because this woman would convulse if she didn’t have fame or attention, it’s her oxygen, and without the relevancy of this show Vicki would implode like a star in the sky. The day Bravo tells Vicki she'll no longer be on the show, is the day the world will end and people will be able to hear her screams all the way from Antarctica. Mark my words. Thank god Vicki is attending the reunion because she is going to come in with more rage than an ax murderer on death row. If you think you've seen Vicki screech like a banshee, get ready for the reunion because it's her last chance to reclaim her full-time position and she'll bring her FAMILY VAN voice out if it means getting her orange back.
Even though I've spent the last 1000 words shitting on Victoria Louise Gunvalson (that's not her middle name but I live for dramatic effect) I'd like to thank her. She's been on reality television longer than most TV actresses have been on scripted shows and her contributions to this show in the last 14 years have been nothing short of iconic. Vicki is a nutjob, she's a trainwreck and she's one facelift away from becoming Michael Jackson, but at the end of the day she is an All-Star and you can't have the Real Housewives franchise without the woman who started it all.