Shade of the Week: The Real Housewives of Dallas
This season isn’t necessarily bad, I’m just not invested.
Ever since The Real Housewives of Dallas came through with their breakout second season it has become one of my favorite shows on Bravo, however, I’m just not feeling their latest batch of episodes. I hate thinking this season is dull, let alone voicing my opinion to the masses but I just can’t get into it. We’ve gone from these ladies accusing each other’s husbands of getting their dicks at The Roundup to everyone rehashing old drama that really wasn’t that interesting in the first place.
I haven't recapped the last four episodes of the season which is mainly due to me getting drunk every Wednesday, celebrating my birthday last week and not being interested in this show at all. While the ladies were in Mexico, Kameron threw a napkin in Brandi's face and called her trash, but it's still the only thing anyone can talk about. Who gives a flying fuck anymore? Brandi lived in a trailer, we get it, but I thought the issue was resolved the next day on the beach. Somehow Stephanie got dragged into the drama and I can't give less of a fuck about watching Kameron and Stephanie fight. It's not even entertaining, it's just Chinese water torture with annoying voices.
Stephanie having a fight with anyone is so redundant, she's great when she's providing comedic relief or trying to be a rational voice of reason but this girl doesn't need to be feuding with anyone. We aren't going to see quiet and calm Stephanie lung across a table or throw a plate at anyone, she doesn't even raise her voice which makes her feud with Kameron even more mundane. We've seen these women sit down time and time again this season and it always ends the same way, the Elle Woods wannabe listens to one word then runs off on an irrelevant tangent and doesn't shut the fuck up. Kameron Westcott's ability to have a productive conversation is almost as good as Casey Anthony's ability to raise a child. Too soon?
Seriously though, the conversation goes around in a weird circle until Stephanie can't listen to her voice anymore and just decides to move on because she knows they are never going to get anywhere. For some reason, they're also fighting about how they never gave each other a chance when they first met? Who the fuck cares? Kam is three seasons in, they've known each for three years so why are we still talking about something no one can change? This is exactly the reason why I can't be fucked with Dallas lately. They give us dramatic moments but with no depth. Can't we just get back to the days were LeeAnne Locken was threatening her costars lives? That was fun.
My love for LeeAnne "They're Just Hands" Locken knows no bounds, however, this is far from her best season. Her three million pre-wedding celebrations are ridiculous but I love the southern pageantry of it all. I hate watching weddings on TV, it's no secret, however, getting married is the best storyline you can have on reality television because it writes itself. You can throw 56 parties about literally nothing and everyone still has to attend (and buy you a gift) because it's their job to show up. Even though it's the same gaggle of background Dallas people at every single event LeeAnne throws, it's always fun seeing her pretend to be excited and shocked when we know she planned everything down to the last detail. As much as I love all these tedious events, can we just get to the wedding already?
LeeAnne continuing to one-up people with her tragic childhood is the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen. I would rather be fingered by Edward Scissorhands than ever engage in a back and forth with the resident carny over what we've been through. Does LeeAnne want a medal for having the worst childhood in the group? Because between living in a trailer, being molested, trying to kill herself three times and being abandoned by both her parents, I'm sure she can have it. However, just because LeeAnne and her hands have been through more intense situations than everyone else, doesn't mean their pasts aren't valid and you can't measure someone else's trauma based on your own. Period. End of story. Also, LeeAnne's suicide talk in Mexico and using her mental health as a weapon in her conversation with Kary was just dark.
The only drama aside from Kameron and Stephanie's redundant beef is LeeAnne feuding with D'Andra and Kary. Leave it to the Mouth of the South to continue delivering in the drama department when no one else will. First of all, New Kary can choke. I'm over the subtitles, I'm over the bad sex jokes and I'm over her storyline being LeeAnne. I've never seen a new Housewife try so hard to crawl under someone else's skin to be relevant and she's obviously just a plant sent in by D'Andra to fuck with LeeAnne. While attending one of LeeAnne's 30 wedding celebrations, Kary decided that was the time to ask LeeAnne why D'Andra wasn't invited. Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, Kary was lucky she even got an invite to the party, and second, nobody in the world would ask LeeAnne that question at her bachelorette party if they weren't trying to start shit.
Even though D'Andra and LeeAnne made up, they don't like each other and the carny shouldn't have to invite anyone to her parties that she doesn't want there. Not to mention D'Andra spent the last year saying LeeAnne's husband to be was fucking anything that moved in Dallas. Would you invite someone to celebrate your wedding if they told the world the groom was cheating? I don't think so. D'Andra doesn't give a fuck either, she'd rather be fighting with Mama Dee or crying about her company than attending some luncheon in the middle of the day for a woman she doesn't like. The Trust Fund Baby should really focus on her crumbling business, instead of about a stupid bachelorette party invite.
Although we've had a fight in almost every episode, the storylines aren't moving forward and everything is still stagnant. Each episode is just another one of LeeAnne's events where everyone talks about D'Andra not being invited, with a separate lunch scene of Kameron and Stephanie talking about their issues. No new stuff is happening, it's just rehashing the same issues over and over again, and there's only so many times I can watch Kary mumble her way through a fight with subtitles. This season is exhausting and it's like Groundhogs Day with filler and dramatic fights. Lucky for us, Bravo decided to drop the midseason trailer today and I'm still less than impressed.
The only real drama still looks to be between LeeAnne and D'Andra & Kary. Obviously, I'm going to watch every episode until the end of time because it's literally against human nature for me not to tune into a Housewives franchise, so I'm going into the second half of the season with a positive outlook, even though I've been MIA from recapping the last four episodes. In case you were wondering what we have to look forward to, D'Andra dresses up as Mama Dee which is more tragic than their relationship, Kameron becomes asshole buddies with Kary, everyone goes to Thailand and LeeAnne is suddenly racist for referring to Kary as "Mexican."
Out of everyone and their husbands (and mothers), I wouldn't have thought LeeAnne Locken would be the one on this show to be pegged as a racist, but I guess everyone needs their scapegoat. We still have to see the season play out so maybe I'll end up on the other side of the aisle on this one, however, unless she was spewing hate speech, I don't think LeeAnne's behavior constitutes being labeled a racist. The Mouth of the South used the wrong fucking word in a stupid way and I can already see all the other ladies (especially two-faced Brandi) piling on to try and get her off the show. Would it be a season of The Real Housewives of Dallas if there wasn't a LeeAnne Locken gang up?
As for now I'm still underwhelmed and bored by Dallas, however, I'm optimistic for the future just as Kameron is optimistic that her children will never know the definition of flying coach.