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RHOP Recap: Barnyard Brawl

PHOTO: Bravo

The moment we’ve all been waiting for finally arrived and it did not disappoint. All season Bravo has been stringing us along with the physical altercation between Monique and Candiace, so it was only right for them to air the entire fight without any interruptions or dramatic effects. Obviously, both women are in the wrong, however, Monique definitely is more to blame.

After literally asking to be dragged, Monique yanked Candiace by the hair across the table while the yappy beauty queen threw wine in Monique's face and eventually a glass that smashed somewhere on the floor during the scuffle. If I learned anything from this fight it's that the bird obsessed Housewife has a gorilla grip and she was not letting go of Candiace's hair no matter how many producers and cast members tried to break it up.

I'm still confused how this entire situation turned physical. I've said for weeks that this feud boils down to both women not trusting each other, however, the force behind Monique's punches was definitely the product of some deep, unresolved tensions. If you're grabbing someone by the hair so that you can continuously punch them in the head, you mean business. Yes, sometimes fights escalate into being physical, however, even after Monique was pulled away by the producer and locked in a stairwell, she was still on a mission to beat the shit out of Candiace.

Is this beef really that deep that Monique had to run around a creepy barnyard just to physically assault Candiace after she already punched her in the head? Someone can provoke you all day, but if you make the decision to put your hands on them then you have no one to blame but yourself. After the crew finally pulled the two ladies apart, Candiace's hair was more messed up than Ashley's marriage and Karen taking her off-camera to fix her wig was the definition of real friendship. Karen's had a few on-camera wig shifts of her own, so she obviously knows the struggle of having a sloppy hair situation on TV.

Monique and Candiace can never come back from this. This fight went way too far and now they both have the perfect excuse to never be around each other ever again. Obviously, I was salivating for the entire duration of this barnyard brawl, however, in the bigger picture of the show it changes things forever. Now the rest of the season the women are going to be split between these two because there is no way they'll be in the same room together. Although I put more blame towards Monique for her aggressive, manic behavior, I'm really not on anyone's side because these two women have been crucial in this show's success and it makes me sad to think that once this season is over one of them will probably have to leave.

If I was Ashley I would've had the biggest FOMO of all time after going to the toilet right before this brawl kicked off. This is why you can never take a bathroom break on one of these shows because when you do, you run the risk of missing out on a front row seat to one of reality television's most iconic moments. Every Bravo show has had it's own version of a physical altercation, however, this Potomac fist fight was definitely the most brutal one I've ever seen. When Porsha dragged Kenya across the reunion floor, they got separated and that was it, however, I've never seen anyone on these shows continuously punch someone in the head and that's a testament to Monique's gorilla grip. If you're going to get into a fight on TV and risk being ostracized from the group, you might as well make the beat down worth it.

After four seasons on the show, Monique sealed her fate with this fight. If you're going to hit someone on a reality show, you've got to at least pretend to be remorseful in order to keep your job because if you walk around proud that you beat someone's ass on camera then it's incredibly hard to redeem yourself in the eyes of the viewers and your costars, who have been looking for a way to get you off the show since day one. Gizelle and Robyn almost had an orgasm when they saw Monique and her gorilla grip come out because now they finally have an excuse to cut her out of the group.

I love how Gizelle is so horrified by Monique's actions when she gleefully watched on the entire time, I'm sure if we looked under the table we would've seen a little squirt pop out of Green Eyed Bandit #1's panties. Even writing this recap I keep going back on forth on whose side I'm on, however, I do keep leaning towards Candiace. Yes, she's annoying and yes, she loves to poke the bear and see what reaction she can get, however, if someone put their hands on me I wouldn't want to be around them either, especially if they didn't see anything wrong about their actions. If Monique showed one ounce of remorse after the incident or at least fake cried on the car ride home, I may have defended her but seeing her gloat about beating someone up was just gross.

Monique is definitely getting the villain edit this season and she looks horrible. I don't know what's going on with her, but she becomes more aggressive, angry and volatile each episode. This entire season she has instigated every single fight with Candiace while the butter knife enthusiast has run away from every confrontation and even apologised for her actions. Monique has been looking for a fight with Candiace and she finally got it. I don't know if Monique needs to get laid or what her problem is but there's something going on and her obsession with that bird is definitely a cry for help. If Monique had walked away from the table, then Candiace would've looked like the bad guy, however, when she decided to toss her hair, the majority of the accountability for this brawl landed on Monique's lap.

Apart from the barnyard brawl, this episode was more boring than Robyn's personality. I like Robyn and I've definitely turned a corner on my opinion of the sleepy Housewife after she started getting regular sex, however, we can all agree that she has the personality of a soggy tuna sandwich. Gizelle took her daughters to Atlanta for the reopening of their restaurant after their father bought them shares in an establishment. Gizelle's three kids definitely don't want to be on camera and I feel sorry for them every time their mother tries to use them as a storyline to make us think she actually has something going on in her life.

They opened up the restaurant but the only thing I gave a fuck about was Gizelle's dad's hatred of her ex-husband turned current boyfriend. Although her father Curtis said he supported the relationship if it made Gizelle happy, as soon as the producers took Papa Curtis' mic off he went in on Jamal Bryant. In case you've been living under a rock, Jamal sucks. He cheated on Gizelle when they were engaged which made her dad refuse to come to the wedding, then subsequently cheated on her throughout their entire marriage and also has six or seven other baby mama's running around the country. Wow, what a catch.

Apart from an obvious storyline, what is Gizelle getting from this relationship? The two don't seem to have any chemistry, he's a cheater and not even his own children like him, well at least the ones he has with Gizelle. It's so hypocritical that Green Eyed Bandit #1 is always messily digging through everyone else's business, yet when the producer asked her about Jamal's illegitimate children she wouldn't talk about it. If your main goal in life is to talk shit about everyone else's private lives, then you've at least got to be open about your own.

When the producer's were taking Papa Curtis' mic off, he opened up his powerful, strong Morgan Freeman-esque voice and read his son-in-law for filth saying, Gizelle rekindling her relationship with him is not a good move for her and called out the fact that Jamal has six or seven baby mamas. The producers haven't just broken down the fourth wall this season, they've annihilated it and that's why this is the best show on Bravo right now. Curtis said what everyone else is thinking, Gizelle looks like an idiot with this guy and Jamal is full of shit.

As someone who's a pastor, you would think he would have a little more integrity and wouldn't be dicking down his congregations across the country. Also, Gizelle definitely decided to stay in a hotel in Atlanta because Jamal's house is probably full of baby mamas and illegitimate children, but if she wants to live that sister wives lifestyle then that's her choice.

In other Potomac news, Ashley asked her cheating husband if they can have a post nuptial agreement, which means if Michael gets found hiding his sausage down under again then she'll be guaranteed to receive certain things in the event of a divorce. This is an iconic move on Little Miss Forehead's part and she's using her husband's infidelity to secure her bag, which I not only support but admire.

Ashley has her life set, she can continue living a privileged life with her sugar daddy and pump out a few more kids, until he cheats on her again and she can move on with his money. It's a win-win and if you're going to marry someone for money, this is the way to do it. Also, The Darby's sharing a Corona while discussing their clusterfuck of a marriage is definitely how this entire pandemic started.

The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.

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