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RHOP Recap: Grace Under Fire

PHOTO: Bravo

Although it instantly became an iconic moment in Housewives History, I'm already sick of talking about this physical fight between Monique and Candiace. It makes my brain hurt constantly discussing this altercation but of course, the ladies were required to talk about the beat down in an extended sit-down during this week's episode.

Bravo literally dedicated this entire episode to a debriefing about what went down in that abandoned barnyard and I am still very much in the middle. Multiple things can be true at once, Monique can be wrong for throwing hands, Candiace can be more annoying than sneakers in the washing machine and Gizelle's only motive by announcing she won't be around Monique can be to get her off the show. Ever since Monique announced she had four homes, Gizelle's life has never been the same and she's spent every waking moment since being bothered by the bird lover's existence.

When Gizelle strolled into Karen's house with a bodyguard named KB, my eyes rolled so far back they nearly fell out my asshole. KB was definitely Gizelle's cousin or some kind of distant relative because Jamal Bryant's latest side piece can barely afford clothes that don't look like fell over an early 2000s Bratz doll, so there's no way she could afford her own personal security. Green Eyed Bandit #1 came into Karen's home with her mind already made up, she doesn't believe anything that comes out of Monique Samuels mouth and she doesn't want her on the show, so there was no point having her even participate in the conversation.

As soon as Monique grabbed Candiace's wig and ran around the barnyard like schizophrenic drug addict, Gizelle had an orgasm because she knew she finally had the golden ticket to get her sworn enemy off the show. Although she's more messy than a teenage boy's bedroom and helps moves any and all storylines along, Gizelle is the worst kind of messy because she's always digging into everyone else's business while she hides her cheating ex-husband turned now-boyfriend off in Atlanta. If another one of the Housewives' significant others never attended a group event, Gizelle would be doing a drive by of their house and calling the Maryland police to perform a wellness check, so the fact that she's not willing to bring Jamal around because she knows the other women will grill him like a hot dog on the Fourth of July is just a pussy ass move.

Although I could talk about Gizelle and her Bad Girls Club inspired home all day long, we have to move onto the fight heard around Potomac at some point. I don't think either Candiace or Monique are evil people, I've said it before and I will say it again, the only reason the fight escalated to a physical point was because Mo was holding in her anger about the trainer situation. Monique was pissed at Candiace for (allegedly) conspiring behind her back to bring up a rumor that Monique had an affair with her trainer and that her latest baby was a product of his cum and not Big Chris'. Monique has spilled this tea on Instagram Live and Watch What Happens Live, so this isn't exactly breaking news.

Monique didn't want to give light to any of these rumors and she couldn't attack Candiace on camera about it, so she bottled it up and had to find other ways to fight with her which is why they fought about dumb bullshit all season leading up to the brawl. Monique was 100% in the wrong for putting her hands on one of her cast members and running around saying she would kill her, however, if she had been honest about her problems with Candiace from the beginning and not kept it all inside, this never would've happened. Every single fight the two found themselves in Mo was the aggressor and Little Miss Butterknife would walk away, so this feud never would've ended until they spoke about the real problems in their relationship or someone got popped.

I don't know what else to say about this. All the other ladies believed Monique leaked the story about the altercation to the blogs and she denied it. Have these ladies really been doing this show for five seasons and still think it's always a cast member that is talking to the blogs? This show has an enormous crew with producers and cameraman, these women all have hair and makeup teams, and there was other people in the barn, so would a Housewife really be the only person to leak something to the press? Maybe it was someone in Monique's team or maybe it was someone in production trying to drum up hype for the show and create drama amongst the group. I don't know and I really don't care, unless they leak it to THIS blog next and then I'll be all over the scandal like white on rice.

The meat and potatoes of this sit-down was Gizelle, Robyn and Wendy all accusing Monique of perpetuating the stereotype that black women are violent and angry. Yes, Monique punching Candiace in the head while pulling her wig on international television continues to feed that negative stereotype of black women, however, almost every other woman on this cast has also done similar things in the past, so Gizelle reading Monique's list of violent transgressions was redundant. Was she saying this when Robyn said she would beat up Ashley at the reunion if there was no cameras around? Or when her BFF also got into the umbrella fight with Monique? Or when Candiace was running around with a butter knife last season?

Yes, Monique is the first Potomac Housewife to actually put her hands on one of her cast members, however, Gizelle can't bring up all the examples of her previous violent threats and actions and not talk about how the other women on the show have also perpetuated the stereotype in the past as well. Also, Monique is only one human who made a mistake, so I don't understand why she's taking the fall of an entire show falling below the standard they have tried to set for themselves? I'm honestly on the fence of the entire situation and I believe everyone went into this sit-down already knowing whose side they were sitting on, however, Monique admitting she has no remorse for her actions was a major misstep.

Monique was wrong and if she can't say sorry or even admit to feeling the slightest bit bad about her behavior, then she's giving the women every reason in the world to cut her out of the group. I was also fully on board with her story of blacking out and having no memory of the incident, however, the flashback of her telling a producer a blow by blow analysis of the beat down in the car right after the fight made me unable to even defend her on that. Apart from the waterworks, Monique talking to these women did absolutely nothing in terms of their sympathy for her because Ashley and Karen were already on her side and the everyone else was already against her going in to the conversation.

Candiace also needs to take accountability for her part in the brawl, even though she didn't put her hands on Monique, she still needs to acknowledge how her mouth landed her in this mess because without some form of accountability from both parties involved, this situation is never going to be fixed. Also, that spectacular montage of fans trolling Candiace online after the fight, looked a lot like the montage the producers gave us of her own tweets towards Ashley and her forehead at the beginning of the season. I do sympathise with Candiace and the trauma she was going through at that time, however, the guinea pig face comment was a highlight of mine, I can't lie.

I have four main takeaways from this episode. Number one, violence is wrong even if it's entertaining. Number two, Monique's time on this show is essentially over. Number three, Candiace's wig managing to stay on during the brawl coupled with the fact that I thought it was her real hair before it nearly flew off her head, means that's a really good wig. And finally, number four, Gizelle saying she can’t hang around Monique because she and her cheating pastor ex-husband have an image to protect is more laughable than the fact that she actually got back together with him.

The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these Maryland ladies.

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