Best Of 2018: Good Tea's Annual Roundup
2018 has been a whirlwind for pop culture, I know everybody says that at the end of every year but there have been so many crazy stories to transpire in the last twelve months and they were mostly different chapters of the same story. Housewives got divorced, Kardashians got cheated on and child stars had more breakdowns in the public eye. Looking back on the last year there has been so much salacious, juicy tea, almost too much, so here's a month by month breakdown of this year's hottest topics:
January
The new year began with Paris Hilton's latest engagement and everything went downhill from there, considering she (allegedly) paid for the ring and they broke up ten months later. In good news, Kim and Kanye welcomed their baby, Chicago, through surrogacy and the Jersey Shore cast began filming in Miami after The Situation finally accepted his plea deal.
Bobby Zarin also passed away and his funeral was not only attended by the New York Housewives but also played host to Bethenny and Jill's infamous makeup in front of buzzing paparazzi bulbs and Bravo cameras. It was a reunion made in tabloid heaven. In other Bravo news, Meghan King Edmonds was also the first domino to fall as a result of the OC's disastrous twelveth season and Tom Schwartz was caught blackout drunk kissing another girl who wasn't his wife.
Lindsay shaded Kim K for wearing braids and she clapped back shading her weird adopted Middle Eastern accent. The month ended with Glee's Mark Salling committing suicide after pleading guilty to child pornography charges.
Shade of the Month: Tom Schwartz
February
The worst kept secret of Kylie Jenner's pregnancy was finally revealed after she posted a YouTube video of her pregnancy journey on Superbowl Sunday, proving Kris Jenner can't even let a sporting event get more attention than her family.
Jennifer Aniston had a conscious uncoupling from Justin Theroux, even if they may not have actually been married and a video of Blac Chyna very weakly sucking dick emerged on the internet. Who says love is dead?
Lydia and Peggy also confirmed they were "leaving" RHOC, David Beador got a new 30-something-year-old girlfriend and the entire cast and crew on New York Housewives almost died at sea during their choppy (and potentially coked up) Colombian boat ride.
Kim Cattrall also ended her feud with Sarah Jessica Parker once for all posting her now famous "I DON'T NEED YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT AT THIS TRAGIC TIME" post. Wendy Williams also took some time off for health reasons and left us all with the annoying Jerry O'Connell to watch.
Shade of the Month: Dorito Kemsley
March
March went off with a bang when 90s soap stars gave us plenty to talk about. Tori Spelling had the police called to her house three times in a week over drama with her cheating husband. Sometimes you've just got to find a good divorce attorney unless you have no money because your mother fucked you over. Heather Locklear also got arrested for kicking a cop and going to rehab, which was very Countess Luann of her.
Abby Lee Miller got out of prison after only about nine months of being away and rumours started swirling that Kenya Moore was officially pregnant with her first child after the RHOA reunion taping. In the Bravo department, Lala Kent started feuding with Jennifer Lawerence after the actress called her a cunt on WWHL and Lala retaliated by talking about her string of failed movies with her typical New York gangster attitude which she mysteriously acquired considering she's from Utah.
Shade of the Month: Tori Spelling
April
This was probably the biggest Good Tea month of the year. It started with a week of premieres for RHOP, RHONY, Southern Charm and Jersey Shore which made for weeks of busy recaps. Kenya announced her pregnancy at the RHOA reunion which also became known as Wig's funeral as all the ladies held her accountable for her cunty ways before she made an ignorant comment about racism off stage which was the start of the worst week ever for Wig as she stopped filming her spinoff, vowed she'd never return to the Housewives along with a fired Sheree and even her lesbian lover DJ Tracey piled on.
Tristan Thompson's cheating ways were also revealed with at least THREE different instances coming to light of him dicking down THOTs as Khloe was five minutes away from giving birth to their first child, which was definitely the juiciest event to happen for 2018 in general. In other Kardashian news, Blac Chyna also threw a stroller at Six Flags which was beautifully captured for the world to see. Abby Lee Miller also got diagnosed with cancer after less than a month after being released from prison.
Shade of the Month: Tristan Thompson and Kim Zolciak
May
The month began in the best way possible: Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and his baby mama fighting over social media after he was caught getting his dick sucked by a French Fry in a recent Jersey Shore episode. He called her a hoe and she called him a drug addict before they literally got into a PHYSICAL FIGHT on Instagram live. And to add to Ronnie's declining mental state he was spotted with Scheana Shay after the iconic throwdown.
Vinny Guadagnino's own girlfriend spoke out on social media saying he "cheated" after he was seen getting girls numbers on the show. All I can say is don't look in the toilet if you don't want to find shit. The Kardashians (and Jenners) also ditched Brody's wedding in Bali which was a sign of how close the background family members really are.
Thomas Ravenel was accused of sexual assault (twice) which definitely helped Southern Charm's ratings and Kanye West had his own mental breakdown in the public eye after he admitted to having an opioid addiction, being bipolar and saying slavery is a choice. In a very heavy testosterone driven month, we also saw the royal wedding between Harry and Meghan which was a welcomed distraction.
Shade of the Month: Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Thomas Ravenel
June
T-Rape's latest sugar baby Trashley Jacobs' craziness came to a head on Southern Charm as the Hilton Head episodes aired, making her the most hated woman in the Bravo universe as Scott Disick was caught (allegedly) cheating on his barely legal boo Sofia Richie. Ronnie Ortiz-Magro also had (another) crazy month with his hoe baby mama after she spat and lunged at him in Vegas before literally dragging him with a car.
Jesus Jugs got a divorce in the OC, Jax and Brittany finally got engaged after he cheated on her with her friend next to an elderly lady almost a year before and Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson also agreed to spend the rest of their lives together after five minutes of knowing each other. Heather Locklear had another rough week after she was arrested for kicking numerous cops and had an overdose as proceedings began by the US government to officially get Juicy Joe in Jersey deported after three years in prison.
Shade of the Month: Heather Locklear and Scott Disick & Sofia Richie
July
Jersey Shore's Deena announced her pregnancy as Jill Zarin officially started dating six months after her husband passed away. Austen Kroll got caught (allegedly) cheating on his girlfriend by having a threesome but claimed "nothing happened" while one of the THOTS filmed the entire ordeal. Danielle Staub got divorced after almost four months of marriage and Blac Chyna's mother Tokyo Toni called her a statutory rape baby. Aw, a mother's love!
Trashley Jacobs' reign of delusion continued on Southern Charm as T-Rape wasn't invited to the reunion for his numerous sexual assault allegations, Countess Luann also skipped the reunion after heading back to rehab for relapsing due to her kids suing her and Tamra Judge & Shannon Beador were sued by Jesus Jugs' ex-husband for joking about him on a podcast.
The Housewives world also had a few shakeups with Denise Richards officially joining Beverly Hills and Carole Radziwill leaving New York after feuding with Bethenny and holding an apple for six years. The transgender character on Vanderpump Rules also tried to get her own come up by labelling the entire cast transphobic which nobody actually believed.
Shade of the Month: The Giudices & Trashley Jacobs
August
T-Rape and Trashley broke up for the first (official) time in the public eye but may or may not have rekindled their relationship 300 times since then. Kourtney Kardashian broke up with her barely legal boo as evidenced through social media shade between him and the family after the paps caught him hugging another girl in Mexico, which coincidentally, occured the same week as their show premiered full of fighting between the sisters which gave them exactly what they wanted - attention.
Lawsuits were a trend in Beverly Hills as Dorito Kemsley got sued for fucking over her bikini business partner, her husband PK got sued for an outstanding debt with a Vegas casino and Mauricio even had his own legal action for a shady real estate deal. Bethenny Frankel's boyfriend Dennis died of an opioid overdose and scumbag Jason Hoppy used it against her in their custody battle within the same week.
Dorinda Medley founded another catchphrase in "JOVANI" after she heckled Luann at her debut cabaret show and Tori Spelling hired Teddi Mellencamp as her accountability coach, which is probably my favourite piece of tea from the whole year. The month ended with Charleston's sperm whale AKA JD Madison being accused of rape.
Shade of the Month: Jason Hoppy
September
September began with Lala Kent getting engaged to "her man" Randall in Mexico as rumours of Jeff Lewis and Jenni Pulos' friendship falling apart started swirling just in time for the Flipping Out premiere. Kelly Dodd called Emily's husband Shane (the truth) a little bitch which somewhat saved the slow season of RHOC while the streets started saying David Beador may be engaged with a baby on the way. Porsha Williams also announced her pregnancy.
Kendall Jenners's nudes were leaked and got less attention than I thought they would as JWOWW filed for divorce, RHOP's Michael Darby was accused of assault, Thomas Ravenel was (finally) arrested for rape and Teresa Giudice got unnecessary attention for asking Luann about getting divorced on TV at her cabaret show. Is she really that dumb?
If all that tea wasn't enough, the news of a Beverly Hills revolt against LVP on the new season came out after she (allegedly) tried to sell a story about Dorito's adopted dog and Gretchen Rossi became a witness in Jim Bellino's lawsuit against Tamra and Shannon. Talk about thirsty. The Shahs Of Sunset Vegas episodes aired which were some of the best TV moments in 2018.
Shade of the Month: The Church of Scientology
October
The Situation finally out sentenced to eight months in prison for not paying his taxes as Juicy Joe was officially set to be deported back to Italy. The family's trying to overrule it but the US government doesn't fuck around with international criminals. LVP continued to not show up for work after she ditched Camille's wedding and Jeff Lewis' started shitting on Bravo by saying Flipping Out was cancelled to try and find a new network and reading his private texts with Andy Cohen on the radio.
After officially leaving the Atlanta Housewives after the producers wanted to give her a 90% pay cut, Kenya Moore just turned up to an event without anybody knowing but managed to get strapped into a microphone. Shannon Beador also had her Jamacia breakdown on OC and Asa Soltan Rahmati returned for a cameo appearance on Shahs just to promote her business - again.
Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and his baby mama also returned to drunk posting about each other after he accused her of giving him a black eye and her saying he killed her dog. What the actual fuck? The month ended with Brandi Glanville being accused of punching an actor nobody knows at George Clooney's Halloween party which turned out to be a total lie.
Shade of the Month: Jeff Lewis
November
The Tristan Thompson cheating episodes finally aired on KUWTK seven months after the news broke and they were more watered down than a virgin margarita. Kenya Moore stole the spotlight from the boring RHOA premiere by giving birth on the exact same day and we also had some of the best TV moments in this month from MJ's wedding, the RHOD Copenhagen trip, Mariah trying to shank a bitch on Married To Medicine, Chandler and Caroline getting fired on Below Deck and Vicki accusing Kelly of doing coke on the RHOC reunion, which resulted in Kelly threatening to quit.
The news broke of Brian Austin Green being a deadbeat dad, Yolanda's ex and Gigi's had, Mohamed Hadid was accused of having a sugar baby, Ray J (allegedly) exposed Kim K's 2003 sex secrets, Kim said she did ecstasy during her first wedding and sex tape, LVP stopped filming RHOBH and Thomas Ravenel sued Bravo to prevent them from allowing Kathryn to talk about him and their custody battle next season.
Shade of the Month: Sex And The City
December
Vanderpump Rules finally premiered with Jax and Brittany's gross engagement location filled with seagull shit and Lala Kent hinted in an interview we'll find out who she's had a lesbian relationship with on the cast later this season. My bet's on Ariana. Jim Bellino's RHOC lawsuit continued to rage on as he dragged Tamra's estranged daughter into his neverending lawsuit and Kelly Dodd posted an Instagram story of her trying to avoid Heather Dubrow at their gym.
In the spirit of the holidays and giving back, Ramona was caught with her tongue down Harry Dubin's throat, Jim Marchese went on another homophobic rant saying gays destroy Christmas and families and JWOWW's divorce drama went up a notch after she filed a restraining order against her husband which we found out after he posted videos of the drama from the back of a cop car. Yup, even they're down to get messy. The silly season also ended with more Bravo arrests from Ross Inia (Below Deck) and JD Madison.
We also enjoyed some amazing reality TV from everybody turning on James Kennedy, the new Jew in Jersey Jackie standing up to Teresa, Angelina detailing how her fiance used to pound her on Jersey Shore and Ashton falling overboard and almost dying on Below Deck. Ariana Grande also released her new hit Thank U, Next, which got stuck in all our heads.
Shade of the Month: JWOWW & Roger Mathews
Happy New Year Bitches, let's hope 2019 is full of even more juicy tea we can unapologetically sink our teeth into!
