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Tom Sandoval & Raquel Leviss' Affair Is The Most Fucked Up Thing In VPR History And That Says A Lot

Until a few days ago Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix were the last Vanderpump Rules couple standing but that all came crashing down when she discovered a video of Raquel Leviss flicking her bean on his phone. To make matters worse, this all occurred while he terrorised a room full of people with his tone-deaf 80s cover band.

This season of the show has seen everyone break up with their significant others and migrate back into shitty WeHo apartments except for Tom and Ariana who still reside in their Valley Village farmhouse. It was only a matter of time before their relationship imploded too, however, we never could've predicted how it went down. Sandoval and Raquel's seven-month affair is not only the biggest scandal to ever rock this show but also the most astounding betrayal in Bravo history. Everyone was shitting, crying and throwing up when Porsha Williams hooked up with her one-time costar's ex-husband but Sandoval chowing down on a Bambi Eyed Bitch's cookie while his girlfriend slept in the next room is nothing compared to anything we've seen before.

I know what you're thinking "Sam, what about Jax fucking Kristen?!" which is a fair point to make. Obviously, any form of cheating is bad and that scandal cemented Vanderpump Rules as the pop culture phenomenon it is today. Friendships were destroyed. Relationships were ruined. Dicks were sucked while Drive played in the background. No one is taking away from the fuckery that transpired on Sandoval's cum-stained couch, however, Jax and Kristen's cursed rendezvous wasn't a seven-month affair.

In this situation, Sandoval was the one in a committed relationship so continuously fucking his girlfriend's friend makes him a repugnant, pus-filled excuse of a human being but Raquel's grubby little hands aren't clean either. This cast has a bad history of blaming women but if anyone has ever deserved to share the blame for something, it's Raquel Leviss. This woman, if you can still call her that, was smiling in Ariana's face between quickies with Sandoval this entire time. When Raquel stepped on the scene as DJ James Kennedy's dim-witted airhead girlfriend with a brain full of unicorns and butterflies no one wanted to be her friend. No one gave the girl the time of day or wanted her thirsty ass on the show, except Ariana and she repaid her by riding her boyfriend's dick.

While he was dating Raquel, James was accused of cheating with every Sur hanger-on he could find, including a man, and Raquel still made the ill-advised choice to stand by his side in order to stay on the show. This girl went from studying Kinesiology in Northern California to becoming the resident pass-around of Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant empire. She could've found a nice job after college and pumped out a few kids with whatever reformed frat boy came her way. Instead, she decided to showcase her labia to anyone with a penis and a blue checkmark to solidify herself as a reality star. I hope it was worth it because in four or five years when Vanderpump Rules is over and Tom's caught fucking a 24-year-old midwest groupie at one of his pathetic live shows she'll have nothing to show for her choices except humiliation and a huge therapy bill.

Don't get me wrong, I am here for any and all mess the Bravo gods decide to throw my way but at some point, you've got to look into your Bambi Bitch eyes and ask yourself if your horrible life choices were all worth it in the name of reality television. Following her breakup with the White Kanye, Raquel made it her mission to create chaos and fuck her way through the Bravo universe. She milked Peter for all the clout she could and considering he's been the general manager of Sur for the last ten years, it's clear why she broke things off after two episodes.

Raquel then jumped over to Garcelle Beauvais' son Oliver who also had a girlfriend at the time. For future reference, if you want to date and/or fuck Raquel and you don't have a significant other waiting at home for you then it probably won't work out. Raquel is channelling Cassie from Euphoria energy and considering that thirsty, attention-seeking manwhore got her ass handed to her in the season finale of the show, the probability of Raquel coming out of this situation without a few black eyes isn't exactly in her favour.

Raquel only continued to level up from Peter and Oliver and managed to make out with Tom Schwartz, after Katie, his ex-wife and her costar explained how painful it would be for her if they hooked up. If you can sit across from someone crying over the thought of you pursuing a relationship with their ex-husband and you subsequently stick your tongue down his throat then you're more morally corrupt than Faye Resnick. I am here for Raquel entering her supervillain era but facts are facts.

Considering this affair dates back to when the cast was filming season ten it begs many questions. Was the Schwartz and Raquel storyline just a decoy for Sandoval? Was Schwartz in on it? Did this start as a TomTom throuple? Did they spitroast her over the bar at Schwartz & Sandy's? Have Tom and Raquel spent the last seven months snickering about how they pulled the wool over everyone's eyes? The deception and dishonesty are truly disgusting and although it will make for the best reality TV we've seen in years, I have no idea how the group can ever move on from this.

The fact that Raquel and Sandoval had sex is actually the least offensive part of this situation. The pair subtly flaunting their affair on social media from their matching lightning bolt necklaces to him dressing up as her for Halloween is truly sickening. If they fell in love and wanted to pursue a relationship together, how the fuck did they think they would ever get out of this situation unscathed? What was their endgame? The only things that explain their brazen actions are Tom Sandoval's raging narcissism and Raquel's thirst for reality TV fame so they definitely deserve each other. Talk about a match made in the depths of Bravo hell.

Although it's only been two days since the news broke, Tom Sandoval's reaction to the scandal has only proven how narcissistic this man truly is. First of all, if you think a room full of people want to listen to you and your band of paid performers mutilate songs from the 80s while you jump around in glittery makeup and enough sweat to drown a nursery full of newborn babies then you're not only a narcissist - but a pathetically delusional one at that. The fact that Tom *still* performed with his embarrassment of a band the same night his life was being ripped to shreds on the internet shows the only thing he cares about in this whole situation is himself.

Not only did he attend his Anaheim gig on Friday night but in his first statement following the scandal he defended Schwartz, used the word "ur" and apologised to his business partners, not to the woman he's been with for nine years that he just got caught cheating on. Does he want the rest of his cast to decapitate him and stick his head on a spike, a la one of Stassi's fantasies, while they film for the next two weeks? Because he's not doing himself any favours. Knowing Sandoval and his theatrics, I expected a dramatic crying apology video filled with sobbing and self-pity but I guess a poorly worded notes app apology was his preferred method of further embarrassing himself.

The hate Sandoval has received online over the weekend is his karma for not only acting like a sex-addicted rodent but also for subjecting people's eardrums to that self-serving ego trip he calls a band. Tom doing this to Ariana after she sat through his shitty gigs is the biggest dagger of all. Enough is enough. This affair is truly unbelievable, meaning I thought it was more likely Sandoval would come out of the closet than have an affair with Raquel or anyone with a vagina for that matter. Maybe the two connected over their love of white nail polish and smokey eyes? Who knows.

For anyone not up to date, Ariana is still in their Valley Village compound and Tom has moved out while cameras are rolling to capture all the dumpster fire fuckery that's bound to transpire in the next week. My only request is that Sandoval retrieves his mail from the house in the same iconic, green cocktail dress as Kristen did in season three, it's only right. If he's going to behave like a cunt, he can at least serve a lewk in the process.

The problem with having an affair in a friend group is that it affects everyone's relationships moving forward. Nothing can or will ever be the same again. Everyone was betrayed by this affair, not just Ariana. James will never get over his "best friend" fucking his ex-fiance. Scheana's friendships with Raquel and Sandoval have been destroyed. Hopefully, the rumours of SchShu giving Raquel a black eye are true and if they're not she has two weeks to make them true.

Lala is going to use this to justify her ongoing feud with the two adulterers and unleash her rehearsed cutthroat insults on them. Schwartz will definitely be on everybody's shit list considering he had knowledge of the affair and his puppy dog charm and boyish sense of humour won't get him out of this one. If he doesn't publically denounce the two, which we know he won't, nobody else in the group is going to fuck with him. The only person who is vindicated from all of this is Katie who's definitely sitting back in her WeHo apartment smoking a cigarette and drinking a scalding hot cup of "I told you so."

Although this scandal is horrible for Ariana's personal life, it's amazing for her reality television career and while that's never seemed to be something she's cared about it, it's one positive to come out of this clusterfuck. Ariana has basically been regaled to a "friend of" this season and could've easily been edited out without anyone noticing. Now, she'll be front and centre for years to come and because she was the one cheated on she's automatically the fan favourite by default. Will she sell the house? Will she buy Tom out? Will she date a woman? Will that woman be Kristen Doute? There are so many questions and I am here for all the answers. It may be hard for her now but getting away from Tom Sandoval will truly be the best thing for Ariana's life on and off camera.

Personally as someone who has watched the fuckery on this show unfold for years, Ariana should've seen Sandoval for who he was when he ditched her on her birthday to go play with bulldozers in Vegas. And he did this after she had just tearfully explained how hard it was for her to celebrate her birthday due to the death of her father. If that doesn't show you that someone's a hemorrhoid of a human being then I guess him fucking your friend will.

A sex scandal and an illicit rendezvous are two essential ingredients when making good television but in real life, it would be debilitating to go through this. How do you ever trust anyone again after being betrayed by not only your boyfriend of nine years but also your close friend? Ariana was a good friend to Raquel and was rewarded by the Bambi Eyed Bitch fucking her man in the guest bedroom and running around with an ugly matching necklace.

I hope Ariana's got a good therapist on speed dial and enough wine in her fridge to put Schwartz and Sandy's out of business because she's going to need it to get through the next two weeks of extended filming. Can you imagine finding out your boyfriend had an affair with your friend and then documenting the fallout in front of a camera crew 48 hours later? The devil works hard but reality stars work harder. While this affair makes Raquel and Tom horrible human beings it also makes for amazing television and Bravo fans everywhere are already salivating over the footage that's going to come out of this delicious saga. Bravo fans, myself included, are essentially ambulance chasers at this point and if enjoying watching people's lives implode on television is wrong, then I don't want to be right.