The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City: Season 3 Cast Ranked!
Every episode of Salt Lake City this season felt like an acid trip and coming from someone who's not a fan of psychedelics, that's not a compliment. The women's alliances changed midsentence and it's pretty clear no one on this show actually likes each other. Although Housewives was built on conflict and tequila, being friends with your costars is also a requirement. Let's just be grateful this season is finally over which means it's the last time Jen Shah will be on our screens for at least the next six and a half years. Check out our cast ranking below:
8. Angie Harrington
Jen Shah claimed she wanted to commit suicide because Angie H's husband created a troll account, but I'm surprised Angie wasn't the one who wanted to kill herself from sheer embarrassment. Apart from her gay husband acting like a 13-year-old TikToker, Angie didn't bring anything to the table. The woman is genuinely wealthy, thirstier than a dehydrated man in the desert and hated by the majority of the cast so she had the potential to become an amazing Housewife but "ShahExposed" has melted any chance she had at getting a snowflake.
7. Meredith Marks
Apart from drinking wine, downing Xanax and sticking her toe up her husband's asshole in a bathtub, Meredith was practically M.I.A. this season. For someone who prides themselves on being the moral compass of the show, Meredith aligning herself with a known scammer proves the only thing she really cares about is taking down Lisa Barlow. The monotone ice queen spent her time throwing metaphorical spaghetti at Lisa's extensions but unfortunately for her, nothing stuck. Meredith's words used to mean something but now everything she says is just as hollow as her eyes during an opioid binge.
6. Danna Bui-Negrete
The only redeeming quality about Danna's time on the show was her reading Jen to filth in the trailer, which ended up on the cutting room floor anyway. Danna had the potential to become a star by being the one cast member to actually call out Jen Shah's shitty personality but unfortunately, she was mute for 90% of her time on screen. The casting directors must've been desperate, found Danna in line at CVS and sent her over to film with the ladies the same day because that's the only way to explain how she got on this show. Although she seems like a perfectly nice, grey-haired lady, she's not made to be on reality television.
5. Angie Katsanevas
Angie K was the newbie with the most promise and even she flopped her way through the season. Much like the other Angie, this Greek queen is super rich and has natural connections to the other women but her nice, normal personality isn't doing her any favours. Housewives are supposed to be unhinged, narcissistic monsters and Angie K seems way too even-keeled to be hanging around this group of mentally unstable women. Angie does score some extra points for going up against the group's resident scammer but it was all too little, too late.
4. Heather Gay
Not only is Heather a bad Mormon but she's a bad friend and a bad liar. Heather may have the most famous black eye since Mohammed Ali but it's not for a good reason. If you don't want to tell the world that you got botched Botox or that your "ride or die" beat the shit out of you, then say you fell over drunk and keep it moving but don't taunt everyone for weeks on end about the mystery of your stupid black eye. Heather's controlling and image-conscious ways torpedoed her friendship with Whitney and her unwillingness to let her cousin finish a sentence without cutting her off or slamming her into walls didn't do her any favours. Heather is a good Housewife but if she can't get out of her own way she's going to go down in Bravo-induced flames. Also, please no more choir scenes!
3. Jen Shah
In the words of Danna: Jen Shah is a horrible friend and a horrible person but without her looming trial and undiagnosed personality disorder we would've been left watching paint dry. The fact that Jen screamed and cried about her innocence all season only to plead guilty is pathological and she deserves prison time not only for scamming the elderly but for trying to scam the viewers too! Jen assaults her cast members, throws their possessions into open bodies of water and screams at anyone within six feet of her which not only makes her a good Housewife but also means she'll do just fine in federal prison. This woman is the definition of a malignant narcissist and without her ego taking up all the air in the room, hopefully, this show can move on in a better direction. Have fun in prison!
2. Whitney Rose
The Wild Rose may sound like a six-year-old huffing helium for the first time but she is an A-grade Housewife in the making. Whitney has all the qualities of a quintessential reality star. She's pretty, not afraid to stir shit up and will talk about her hiling journey while having weird mud sex with her husband. In my eyes, the Wild Rose was the undisputed winner in the demise of Bad Weather, even though she was slammed into a few walls in the process. If loving the hiling queen of SLC is wrong, then I don't want to be right!
1. Lisa Barlow
Lisa Barlow is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs, I'd hate to sound like one of those Twitter gays but facts are facts. Lisa started the season as a pariah due to her iconic rant and slowly became the fan favourite, even after the girls said she sucks dick for basketball tickets. She apologised for her rant, ate Taco Bell, sucked down Diet Coke and served cunt while singing "Away In A Manager" in her iconic baritone-Kardashian voice. Lisa may not be the most confrontational cast member of the bunch, but she defends herself against all the rumours thrown her way and always looks cute doing it. Baby Gorgeous won this season!
Do you agree with our ranking? Sound off in the comments below!
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our exclusive tea and shady recaps on these crazy Utah ladies.