RHOBH Recap: Circle Jerk
We kicked this episode off with LVP and Ken killing two birds with one stone: advertising Vanderpump Dogs while refuting their new lawsuit that Lisa Rinna brought to everybody's attention last week. Everyone is claiming that this story was on Page Six but I'm a gossip blogger and last episode was the first that I heard of this little lawsuit thing, as Lisa Rinna put it.
Basically Lisa Vandercunt and Grandpa Ken are claiming that they were going to enter into business with this woman but decided not to and now she's suing Ken for throwing her against a wall. How did this go from a business falling out to full on assault. Obviously there's something that Lisa is leaving out of her rehearsed story. Throughout Ken's time as a background character on both RHOBH and Vanderpump Rules, we've seen his anger streak come out a few times, so I definitely think that the dog lady's wall story is true.
Kyle stopped by the Warner Bros lot to check up on the editing of her show American Woman which is written on doors, so you know it's serious. I feel like Kyle has been talking about this show for 30 years now. When is it actually coming?! They showed us a scene of Kyle and her mother in an "inspired by" scene and it's not really selling me on the show. Maybe I'll watch the pilot and see how I go, if it ever airs. Kyle continued to low-key complain about her sisters being angry about her new show which is just giving me a headache at this point. Either give Kathy Hilton a diamond so that these two can duke it out or stop mentioning the beef. Fuck Kim and her drinking, they should have hired Kathy and her passive aggressive attitude from day one!
Dorito decided that she wants to be more unlikeable and pretentious, so she took Erika Jayne car shopping for her husband's birthday. She decided to test drive a $3 million car which is ridiculous even for these women. Dorito's hair is aggressively short at this point which isn't a good look because she doesn't have the face to support that do. She decided not to buy the expensive car which is probably a smart move when Dorito and Phat Kunt can't even pay their rent. That's right, I know that those streets have been talking.
Lisa Rinna made Harry Fucking Hamlin tea and reminded me why they are my favourite RHOBH power couple. They have a genuine love and affection that many of the others don't and they just balance each other out perfectly, she's the fucked up ying to his calming yang. Harry Fucking Hamlin was rehearsing for his role in Law & Order True Crime: The Menendez Murders which I watched and yelled "that's Harry Fucking Hamlin" when he came on the screen. At this point it seems silly to just call him Harry. Lisa reminded him about the time that one of their daughter's had a bad spitting habit and she told her that she'd grow a penis if she spit. And she never spat again. See, lying to your kids works! Then they started talking about their daughter Delilah Belle moving out to New York by herself and the possible shit that could go down #MeToo and/or #TimesUp.
LVP invited Kyle to Vanderpump Dogs to get her dog groomed (how much advertising can one dog shelter get) and purposefully forgot to book the dog in for an appointment so that the two ladies could be silly for the cameras. Yawn. The OG's lifted, squirted and blow dried the dog so you can just guess how many rehearsed sexual innuendos that LVP regurgitated.
Finally it was Teddi's spa circle day so that she could thank the ladies for taking her to Vegas, even though it 5 episodes ago. The accountability coach requested that Dorito meet her before the other ladies arrived so that they could discuss LateGate. Dorito arrived to the spa day (on time) but announced that she wasn't having a facial because she doesn't like being touched. Then why did she come to the facial day? They went in circles about whether the meeting time was 4 or 4.30 but Teddi's real beef was that Dorito talked to Kyle about it. Fuck me dead, this is seriously like a circle jerk. It may be important when your involved but it just looks stupid when you're an outsider looking in! I'm #TeamTeddi but this is bullshit. When did this show get so bad? We went from Brandi throwing wine and slapping people, to two bitches fighting about Dorito's poor time management skills. Get it together!
Queen Rinna arrived and Dorito was being annoying about drinking champagne out of a wine glass? What the fuck? I'm with Rinna, get me a red solo cup and I'm good. LVP walked in and for some reason the LateGate feud started up again. Good ole Pinky knows how to subtly stir the pot. Rinna was just happy that she didn't have any beef with anyone but LVP couldn't pass up the chance to talk about Rinna talking about her lawsuit. This is dumb. She's not mad that she talked about, she's mad that she talked about it on camera. I swear that is the only thing that these Beverly Hills ladies fight about anymore. Rinna sipped tea in her confessionals and said "you can bet I'm gonna talk about" which is my new favourite gif.
Kyle arrived and Dorito started talking about LateGate with her AGAIN. Even Kyle agreed that Dorito was acting weirdly energetic which makes me think that maybe she was doing coke in her bathroom before she came to the party. Rinna knows! Finally Dorito and Teddi dropped their stupid LateGate beef and everybody could take a sigh of relief, for now, because you know that it's going to be talked about at nauseam all season long.
Saint Camille arrived and Dorito realised that she had to make one last stop on her apology tour. She crawled over to Miss Grammer in this weird way and gave her a really vague apology for calling her a cunt. Season 1 Camille would have read that bitch for filth in her confessions but reformed Camille was ready to move on. Is it just me for is this show boring? We are 6 episodes in and I'm still bored by anyone that isn't Lisa Rinna. Seriously, those producers need to fork out the cash and bring Brandi Glanville back to our Bravo screens to fuck shit up!
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these 90210 ladies.