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RHOBH Recap: Champagne Problems

We're still in Teddi's beach house dudes! We find out that Erika decided to stay at a nearby hotel with her assistant because of her terrible period pains. It's like a badge of honour to still get your period on these shows because you just know that LVP hasn't had a visit from Aunt Flow in a very longtime. The ladies got pretty rowdy the previous night and boasted about their "crazy" night which consisted of dancing around while LVP pulled on Kyle's thong. That may be a crazy night for them but that's just considered a Tuesday for Erika and her gays.

While Teddi, Camille, Kyle and LVP all exercised and sexually harassed their trainer outside, Dorito sat inside with her new bestie Erika and filled her in on the shit talking that went down the night before and made an issue out of nothing, in typical Dorito fashion. The accent-confused-Kylie-Jenner-wannabe told Erika that the girls were mad that she left, which wasn't the case at all. Erika confronted Kyle and Teddi about the issue who told her that they just thought it was weird that she left, to which she clapped back by saying "I think it's weird that you care" damn, she may be an ice queen but she knows how to give a good burn. Erika tried to act like she didn't care what the other girls were saying, but she obviously did when she stormed off to the other room and wiped her tears with paper towel.

From there on a weird amount of crying ensued when Teddi tried to hug Erika she rejected the accountability coach and then in turn caused Teddi to start crying and wipe her eyes with paper towel as well. Ugh. What's up with all this paper towel? Were they out of tissues?

Between all the wiping of the paper towels, Camille was pissed that Dorito would go and tattle to Erika about their conversation and even started bringing up Dorito calling her a cunt from all those weeks back. This it the Camille Grammer that we need on our screens. Teddi's OC beach house got really fucking weird and awkward all because Dorito decided to bring up a druken conversation that was had the night before, they needed Lisa Rinna there to light the place up with some comedic relief because LVP's rehearsed dirty sex jokes weren't suitable at that time.

The problem with telling someone what has been said about them is that the person who was talked about will never know exactly what was said or the context in which it was said, which just leads them to get anxious and upset over something that was nothing to begin with. I think that the girls had way too much to drink and just talked about how they thought it was weird for Erika to leave because she got her period, that's it. End of story.

With the issue of Erika's bleeding aside the ladies loaded into their cars which caused Kyle and Dorito to start going at it over Dorito throwing her all the way under the bus. Kyle must have been so drunk the night before because she never takes a step out of line on camera and always manages to give the most politically correct answers she can, so the fact that she would talk out of school about the new Queen of the Show: Erika Jayne, means that Miss Richards was downing the vodka that night.

Nothing eventful happened in-between the OC beach house brawl and the ladies descension upon New York, so I'll give you the quick roundup. Rinna is still HUSTLING and giving more tips about her acting career, she should become a lecturer at UCLA with all her advice about the entertainment industry, even if it's the same thing week after week. Rinna is the unsung hero of this franchise. Teddi had to stop by Kyle's store to learn how to dress for New York and get some additional advertising for Miss Richards store Kyle by Alene Too, which is a name I will never understand. And Bravo managed to remind us again that these women are rich by showcasing their enormous closets filled with high end labels. We get it, they're rich.

Finally the girls landed in New York. Rinna had already been in NYC with her model daughter who's moving there and The Hustler informed us that she's not pulling a Yolanda and designing the whole apartment for her daughter. I love a bit of past housewife shade. Even though Lisa Rinna said she wasn't designing the apartment, she went to an expensive furniture shop (which was also featured on RHONJ, I love a crossover!) to buy furniture for her daughter's new apartment. I'm not following. It was great to see the juxtaposition between Deliah Belle's first world problems of not being able to unclog her own toilet and Rinna reminiscing about the crack den that was her first apartment. Yes Rinna's daughters can be snotty, bratty and a little bitchy, but that's what teenage Americans are. Just like plus size models remind us how America looks, those spoilt daughters show us how the youth of today act. It's a public service people!

To end the episode, Rinna, Erika, Dorito, Teddi and Camille all caught up for dinner to basically catch Lisa Rinna up on everything she had been missing out on while she was hustling in Hollywood. Dorito told her overly dramatised version of the events of the last few weeks which nobody loved more than Rinna. It must feel great to hear about other people stepping in shit while you get to be completely untouched. Rinna is winning the game right now. After Dorito had caught Rinna up on the latest drama she managed to low-key shit talk LVP which of course will come back to bite her in the ass. I know people said that Lisa Rinna used to talk too much but Dorito is taking the cake this season, she needs superglue to keep those lips shut!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these 90210 ladies.

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