KUWTK Finale Recap: It's A... Disappointment
While many primetime shows like RHOA took the night off due to the 90th Academy Awards, the Kardashians decided to rival the big night with Khloe's baby's gender reveal and Kim's surrogate's debut. I love a good award show but if you ask me a big Kardashian reveal is must watch TV compared to seeing a movie about fucking a fish win an award.
The Holy Trinity: Kim, Khloe & Kourtney all packed their bags and chartered the best private jet to go on a girl's trip to San Fran to celebrate before their babies came. Hold the fuck up, isn't that why they are in Tokyo right now? How many pre-baby girl trips can one family take? The Holy Trinity (THT) stayed in the Fairmount penthouse which was what dreams are made of. San Francisco is a money city so that hotel would have cost those girls the same amount as a down payment on a small country but those Kardashians have got an endless amount of coin. That just proves that being a THOT pays good money. How do I get in on that?
The elderly gay crypt keeper of The Fairmount hotel gave the girls a tour around their massive penthouse suite and even showed them a secret passage way that was once used by Marilyn Monroe when JFK was staying there. Spill that tea Thomas! Who knew that watching KUWTK would be a history lesson that would provide me with some vintage tea!
THT didn't waste anytime and boarded a boat to Alcatraz at nighttime where Kourtney was being rude with a capital R. The stay at mom turned THOT was on the phone to everyone under the sun and didn't "live in with moment" with her two other sisters who weren't attached to their phones for the first time in a decade. Khloe popped off on Kourt's toned ass and roasted her for being on her phone too much. Having someone on the phone and not being engaged with you is the worst, not gonna lie. THT toured around Alcatraz which was one of the scariest prisons in the world but at least Kourt confessed that she would have hooked up with one of the former inmates. Me too Kourt, me too. I actually went on the Alcatraz tour, during the day because I'm not as bougy as the THT, but I never got to go in to the dingy dungeon like those girls did. I guess that's what money gets you, a restrictions free tour of the world's most infamous prison, oh and a bunch of free shit.
Not much else went on in this episode, Kylie decided that she wanted Khloe's doctor to call her about the gender of her baby so that she could then call Khloe herself and share the news with her, because I guess the family couldn't be any more EXTRA. Miss LipKit finally called up and confessed that Khloe was having a... GIRL! Normally that would be followed with screaming and excitement but not with Khloe who had wanted a baby boy to be her eldest one. Even Kris and Kylie were more excited about the baby's gender than Khloe was. I 100% believed that KhloMoney was having a boy and even I was a little saddened when it turned out that she was having a girl. Anyway, me and Khloe both got over it and she told Tristan who was overjoyed. Also, can we talk about how Tristan already has a child and a baby's mama who he broke up with when she was pregnant. SHADY BOOTS!
Kim also introduced her surrogate to the whole family but all we got to see was her back because she wanted to "protect her privacy." Are they kidding? The baby's already born so who cares if we see her face. Anyway, she was a nice black girl with a cute bob but that's all we got to see. How weird would it be going into the Kardashian compound with a Kardashian-West baby inside you. That would be fucking thrilling. The whole tribe were there except Kourt because I guess she had a dick appointment with her barley legal boo. Kylie also low-key confirmed that she was pregnant on camera which isn't a shock, but it was the first time that she's even been featured all season and took a break from laying in her bed and ordering In & Out! The surrogate was nice but no real tea was spilled.
The season concluded with the family talking about their new years and new lives with the abundance of babies that they all acquired within the last year. For the next year Kim, Khloe & Kylie are going to be busy raising their newborn babies, Kendall is continuing to travel the world and Kourt & Kris are going to keep attending their dick appointments and living life to the fullest, so I guess the last two are winning life right now! Kris Jenner is my spirit animal for life.
Keeping Up With The Kardashians returns later this year on E! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first family of reality TV.