RHOA Reunion Recap: Square Reader
No one does a reunion like the Atlanta Housewives can do a reunion, they read, throw shade, slay with their fashions and this reunion is no exception but you can get all the reunion fashion tea here! This reunion started the way they all do, with the ladies walking in wigless and Andy's awkward hellos where we learned that Sheree is still not wearing She by Sheree after 10 years but is coming out with a jogger line in September/Summer/Spring. The fuck. I believe that it's coming out the same time that Tyrone is. Never.
We also got the tea on what we already knew, which was that Mrs Kenya Moore-Daly was expecting her first baby and she spilled the tea in the most confusing way. At this point she is fighting for her place on the show so Kenya has no time to fool around, just answer the fucking question Twirl. She didn't say when she is expecting or the sex, so you can bet that she will be Phaedra Parks 2.0 and all the ladies will want receipts that she is actually pregnant just like they did with her husband this year. However, I definitely think that Kenya is thirsty enough to fake a pregnancy to keep her peach.
Following the major announcement Andy dove straight into "the fun" portion of the reunion where they looked back on everyone's looks from the past ten years. NeNe has definitely had some of the worst wigs - and that was just season seven. We also got an entire package on how Kandi is the "People's Champ" which was major shade to Porsha. Miss Burruss really rebounded after last year's mess and came out a bigger winner than ever. Kandi had to rebuilt her brand, so Porsha should be able to handle a little shade when she gets it. The girls also went around in circles about Porsha's apologies but she just isn't genuine about it. If you are really sorry then you would say it until they forgive you, not until you get sick of saying it. I feel like everyone has forgotten that Porsha accused of Kandi of trying to drug and rape her. What the actual fuck?! That is major and I think it would take more than two weak "I'm sorries" and a bad hug to get over it.
After they talked about RapeGate for the 180th time, Marlotta joined the crew with her lavender loofah of a dress. Andy recapped that she went from being NeNe's friend, to Kenya's friend, to Sheree's friend, then back to NeNe's friend. Marlo can make up reasons why she was friends with each, but she needed a check and when she fell out with one she needed to be close with another so that she could keep doing her appearances on the show for the coin. Almost immediately Kenya and Marlo got into it, I love both girls but Miss Twirl was WINNING the shade war. In fact Kenya was the shade MVP of the entire reunion, here are just some of the gems that the newly pregnant housewife came out with:
“You sitting up there looking like James Amos in a wig”
“Maybe if you stopped fucking everyone else’s husband you can get one of our own”
“You’re a one pony trick, actually you’re just a trick”
“You’re the only woman I know with a square reader between your legs”
“Struggle face, shut the hell up”
“I would really prefer my man to have a piercing than handcuffs”
Kenya also came prepared with tea to spill about Marlo and claimed that after NeNe broke up with that sweaty, chubby, pizza guy, John, Marlo made him her sugar daddy and took screenshots of his sexts with NeNe and used them as blackmail, in exchange for $20,000. Miss Marlo is crafty but obviously not smart enough to not tell Kenya about her shady ways. It seems like everyone already knew about the blackmail but NeNe was over it. I still feel like there is something deeper there judging by everyone's hesitance to talk about and all the looks on their faces. I just wanna see the texts where NeNe was getting all sexy about it.
Once Marlo's blackmailing ways were exposed, Kenya's marriage was the topic of conversation and Andy Cohen was the number one person going in on her. Andy and the producers were probably the most mad at Kenya because of all the behind the scenes mess with her husband. The host kept asking her why she got married in secret when she was on a reality show and brought up what Marc had said about the show to the producers, but Kenya sat there very calmly on the sofa and managed not to spill any tea about her husband, except that she had only met his parents over the phone and she "thinks" they were on a cruise at the time of her wedding. To be honest, I think his parents are as real as that baby.
Porsha was the next one up for everyone to talk about. She admitted to having real love for NeNe and that's why she never crossed too far over the line, but does she remember what she did to Kandi? The resident THOT repeated any lie she could about Kandi, so I'm confused where Porsha thinks the line is. Maybe some needs to draw it in crayon to point it out for her. I'm still confused as to why Sheree vs Porsha is a thing. Does anyone really give a shit? It's not like Mis Wigfield has a deep love for Porsha and wanted to try and keep her on the show like NeNe or Kandi did after her reunion brawl, no, She by Sheree was only her friend because she needed a check and/or storyline, that's it. It's not like they were best friends for 10 years or asshole buddies, which makes it clear that Sheree is only behaving this way because she is trying to be relevant but I guess that doesn't matter because we all know that Bravo threw her rotten peach in the trash. As a side note, these two are so bad at fighting. Sheree can barely get her words out without mumbling and Porsha tries to deflect at all times. Sit down because this beef is TIRED!
However I was loving how much Porsha read Sheree because it was 1000% accurate. She by Sheree does sit in the corner all quiet and just wait for someone to say something and then she runs back to tell the other person what was said, why don't you actually contribute and have an opinion?! The ladies (and Andy) continuously questioned her about the obvious fact that she always tells Kim what they say about her but she will never tell them about ALL the shit that comes out of Kim's duck lips. See: the roach video. Sheree's excuse was that she can carry whatever bones she decides to carry, but she is just so far up Kim's ass that she doesn't even see how fucked up her actions were. If Kenya was being messy and filming the roaches in Chateau Sheree then you can bet that Miss Wigfield would want to check her ass. After seeing Sheree's bad excuses for her bone carrying ways, I can 100% understand why she won't be back next season (allegedly.)
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches.