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RHOC Recap: New York State Of Mind

Although we were introduced to Gina, her wacky children and the weird absence of her husband who doesn't even allow us to hear his voice on speakerphone in episode two, this was really her entrance into the group. You aren't really an OC Housewife until you've gone up against Victoria "Coto Insurance" Gunvalson. The thing that makes Gina so special and unlike the other ladies is that she has an East Coast personality in a West Coast body, she's gives zero fucks, speaks her mind and looks like a snack while doing so, which is the criteria all Housewives should fulfil, if you aren't an opinionated bitch then you shouldn't hold an orange, apple, peach or any other object in the other cities.

I like Gina. I like her Long Island accent, I like her cute little mommy outfits, the whole "single mother struggle" storyline and her mom is a North East treasure. But the one downfall is her hot, cheating husband boycotting Bravo cameras while he fucks bitches in his rented LA condo. We can all pretend he's being faithful but if his wife doesn't know where he works or lives he would have to literally be a Mormon not to have bitches all up in that place. It's a smart move on his part but it makes me feel like we are missing out on parts of Gina and her upcoming divorce storyline is going to be way less juicy without us seeing the reaction and drama between her and her shitty husband. I don't know how much I can sympathise with her during the divorce if I haven't seen the marriage first. I wanna get the whole picture. I'm sick of all the constant shake-ups across the Housewives cities and I think the two new girls were excellent additions, so I hope Bravo gives them an extra season and lets them grow their roots into the fucked up OC soil.

Kelly & Vicki sat down to discuss their Girl Code Dilemma, which any person with a brain would agree that Kelly Dodd is 100% justified with feeling betrayed by Miss Piggy but the only one who can't see that is the muppet herself. Just to clarify, I feel like Vicki sounds a lot more like Miss Piggy than she looks thanks to the several surgeries she's had over her decade on TV, if you squint you can kind of see how she faintly resembles an older, burn victim version of Vicki from season one. No shade, I think her doctors did a great job but she's gone a little too far with all the injectables. Vicki still doesn't think she did anything wrong by setting Michael up with her friend and going on double dates with them and claimed she tried to tell Kelly about the double dates when they went out for dinner with Jolie but then back peddled and said Michael asked her not to say anything. Vicki speaks out of both sides of her mouth and it's just exhausting to watch, lying really is a natural instinct for her. Even though we all know Vicki believes she did nothing wrong, she took a page out of her own Gunvalson handbook but she gave Kelly an apology she didn't mean to make the issue go away. Kelly knew she didn't mean a word of her overly used "I'm sorry" speech but she forgave her anyway because she couldn't find a good enough reason not to.

Later that day all six ladies went out for a dinner for the first time and somehow they all got the memo to dress in black. I don't know if they were all returning from Peggy Sulahian's funeral, were all just feeling bloated that day or the producers wanted a uniform dress code but all the ladies were wearing black. Shannon Beador hates new people so this dinner was less than fun for her and we were reminded by this with her several "I'm fucking done" flashbacks from when she had met the ghosts of OC's past for the first time. I'm fucking done should be incorporated into Shannon's tagline in some way next season because it's more iconic than her nine lemons in a bowl bullshit. Shannon's face when greeting both new girls looked like someone had literally taken a shit in one of her new QVC recipes and placed it under her nose. Tamra also had a cute little scooter to help her broken foot get around and I actually prefer it to her walking. Can this scooter become Tamra Judge and any other handicapped Housewives new form of transportation? Maybe she should start her own scooter line and slap a CUT fitness logo on the front. Two birds, one stone!

Shannon and Vicki reluctantly met Emily and Gina for the first time and the general consensus seems like neither liked the Long Island addition after the OG of the OC assumed she was from New Jersey and Gina shared her disapproval of Newport Beach which made Shannon's poo face look even worse. Wow, geographic places with the word "new" really seemed to cause tension between Gina and the veterans, which means she'll probably be around for at least two more seasons. The Mexico trio also kept repeating some weird inside joke dance move from their trip, like three teenage girls would do after summer camp to make everyone know they are best friends.

Shannon once again started talking about David's new Instagram love interest which forced the other divorcee to pipe up and bring up Vicki's latest girl code violation to try and get the new girls opinion who both agreed, along with everyone else, that Vicki was a cunt. For once I actually agree with Vicki that Kelly shouldn't have brought it up if they had already put the issue to bed but Miss Piggy deserved to be raked over the coals for her shitty behaviour one more time. Gina, of course, chimed in saying Vicki was a loser for initiating the double dates after the first time she had met her while all the other ladies laughed knowing that Vicki was probably already planning her letter to Bravo to get Gina fired. Going up against Vicki is like going up against the top dog of a prison, she may not react straight away but soon enough they'll be a bloody tampon in her McMuffin with Vicki's insurance scent all over it. Gina held her own and didn't back down which is the reason why we need a New Yorker on this cast. We need someone to come in and ruffle feathers, especially Vicki's.

After the shitting on Vicki portion of the dinner was done, Kelly invited her skeezy geriatric doctor date to come sit and their table and started making out with him. What the fuck? The group's chemistry was finally getting good and some old grey guy had no place being there. None at all. Someone with a penis shouldn't even be allowed a girls night let alone making out at the table with the girl who has become the girl codes biggest advocate. Was this really the best way to prove your point Kelly? Could he not have waited in his car for thirty minutes for filming to wrap up? It's fucking bizarre and you would've thought the doctor was a leper judging by how fast the other ladies got the fuck out of there. I guess people over 40 making out in a public setting has that effect on people.

Following Tamra informing Gina she was officially the most recent member on Vicki's "Shit List" the two went for a walk and talked out their non-issue. Vicki is a brilliant gaslighter and used her skills to try and get Gina to stop talking about the issue and make her out to be the bad one but Gina and her cute little pink hat could see through the bullshit but she gave the issue a rest. This wasn't the hill (or park) in the OC that she needed to die on and she smart enough to realise giving her opinion on an issue between Vicki and Kelly didn't need to turn into an all-out war with the OG of the OC. She's a smart cookie and even though they are good now, it's in Vicki's genetic makeup to be threatened by the younger, prettier, blonder additions so I give it a few episodes before Gina wakes up with all her hair cut off or her tires are popped.

The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Monday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first ladies of Bravo!

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