RHOD Recap: The Princess And The Pauper
The reason Dallas is such a good franchise is because these friendships are genuine and authentic, unlike the ladies hair. Stephanie and Brandi have been best friends in real life long before Bravo cameras turned up, LeeAnne was a bridesmaid in D’Andra’s wedding, Cary knew everyone to some degree before and Kameron represents the “Dallas Society” portion of the cast.
The best Housewives seasons are when you can feel the ladies have long histories with each other and they aren’t just five women pulled together from a casting call. Watching real friendships implode on reality TV is always more entertaining and intriguing than watching two girls fight over someone being rude when they meet on camera for the first time. This is why I’m sucked into the LeeAnne and D’Andra drama. I’m devastated the two biggest power players in this franchise (aside from Mama Dee) are no longer friends and it’s like choosing between garlic bread and fried chicken. I just can’t do it.
This week we had to suffer through another scene with Brandi’s children while she spoke to social workers, Kam went to a dog convention they didn’t even film while you could hear her husband’s hatred for her through the phone, LeeAnne set her wedding date for November and Stephanie had a really long boring scene about education, but the only thing I really care about is the drama between D’Andra and LeeAnne.
I don’t understand how a ten year long friendship can be destroyed by two seasons of a reality show and a messy red head. I feel like we are missing a Texas sized piece of the deep dish pizza that is this feud because both of the ladies are being set off by all the “tough love” the other is throwing their way. LeeAnne didn’t like D’Andra getting so intense about her wedding date bullshit and D’Andra didn’t like LeeAnne coming down on her about spending too much money. Is Hard Night Good Morning really that important to D’Andra? Can’t she just go off and get a quasi-political job and keep cashing checks from her mother’s company from a distance?
Through her own admission, if she really wants to make her company succeed then she’s going to have to make some drawbacks in her life and maybe throw out some of the excess Oscar de la Renta in her closet but it’s not like she has to deal with the risk of being broke if the company goes belly up, like her friendship with LeeAnne, because Mama Dee may be a hard ass but there’s no way she won’t throw her daughter a safety net of cash if she needs it in the future. I’m proud of D’Andra for realising her mother was NEVER going to hand over the company so she decided to split off but she should’ve done this ten years ago when her mother originally promised to give her the company and never did. It’s a great storyline for reality TV which I’m sure helped inspire the new business decision but I can’t help but think of all the wasted years of D’Andra going to bed, applying her lotions and planning her control of the company for it to never happen.
The reason I love LeeAnne and D’Andra’s friendship is because they are the modern day Dallas version of The Princess and The Pauper. D’Andra grew up with the Dynasty style blowouts and shoulder pads of the 80s while LeeAnne was a carny with a mother who didn’t want her. By all intents and purposes they weren’t supposed to be friends but they are which is the reason it worked so well because they both identified with each others pain regardless of their social status. I don’t know if The Princess and The Pauper was a love story but I’m basing my knowledge on the Barbie movie.
The two besties already weren’t on the best page with them both giving each other “tough love” talks but Cary and her raccoon eyeshadow really didn’t help the situation by telling D’Andra how LeeAnne told her she only has $200 in her bank account. Oh fuck. This is how the game of telephone begins. Cary is a messy bitch. I’m not complaining because she’s driving the plot and making things and if she didn’t say it on camera a producer would’ve whispered the same thing to D’Andra off camera but if I was LeeAnne I would be pissed. And this isn’t the first time Cary’s been messy, she also created D’Andra’s feud with Brandi. Cary is hot but she needs to speak up and say no to her makeup artist for making her look like a racoon with a black eye. If you would say no to someone sexually assaulting you, then say no to them trying to be “adventurous” with your face.
Due to this being an episode of The Real Housewives of Dallas, LeeAnne decided to throw a group therapy session for the ladies which consisted of them throwing plates at the wall. I can’t think of something more tailor made for LeeAnne Locken. She loves therapy and throwing shit, it’s the perfect combo. No one would ever actually get group therapy as friends in real life but for reality TV friends it’s a staple in their relationships. LeeAnne wore a pornstache, which oddly suited her, but she took it off to make a point about how the group need to be their true selves.
If she wants everyone to be their authentic self then she probably should have kept the faux facial hair on because I’m sure at least some of these ladies are plucking the devil’s hair. Within minutes of the therapy session D’Andra brought up LeeAnne saying she had $200 in her bank account. She tried to justify it by saying she was joking and that her shopping bank account was low but she had money in other accounts which is obviously the case because if D’Andra Simmons only had $200 to her name she wouldn’t be living in Highland Park and buying a bunch of clothes she’ll never wear again in Beaver Creek.
Instead of LeeAnne retaliating by throwing something against the wall or threatening to kill one of her costars, she calmly tried to explain her point of view while D’Andra screamed and cried at her for talking shit behind her back. Although LeeAnne’s response is typically that of a grown adult she’s come a long way from talking about her hands and yelling in someone’s face with dog shit breath and while I’m proud of her growth, I want to see her tear up a room because the new and improved LeeAnne may be good for Dallas and it’s surrounding areas, but it’s not good for reality TV. This fight is about something way deeper than one shitty comment from LeeAnne, D’Andra’s obviously a little insecure about her financial status and hearing her friend talk about it sent her over the edge. I still feel like there’s something we aren’t being told about this. Side note: this entire fight went down while both ladies had bandaids on their face and it was amazing.
LeeAnne then got pissed at Cary because she claimed she was only telling her about D’Andra’s financial issues because she wanted them to both help her, which I believe, but the way Cary sent it back to D’Andra was not the same way LeeAnne is claiming she said it. However, Cary had to agree with Miss Locken and keep her head down because I don’t think anyone would want to fuck with the resident carny while she has a large baseball bat in her hand.
I don’t know if it’s Brandi voice or just overall behaviour but she is just a constant annoyance on this show. She sounds like a squeaky dog toy 90% of the time and it’s hard to get through the full hour of this show on account of my eardrums nearly bleeding. She left the event but decided to come back to ask LeeAnne about warning D’Andra about her but then stormed off when Kameron said she was a bad influence on the 49-year-old socialite because she put something up her butt. As annoying as Brandi is D’Andra is a grown woman who is clearly going through a mid life crisis trying to be her “real self.” All she needs is to buy a motorbike and get her tit pierced and she’s all set, so it’s not the red head’s fault.
After she stormed off she came back again to try and justify her being a good mother while also trying to have fun. If you are going to storm off, then stay stormed off. You can’t just keep coming back. LeeAnne and D’Andra’s friendship is obviously going down the tubes this season and we can’t do anything but watch by the sidelines and munch on our popcorn. Although they made up, D’Andra is still pissed and this is obviously the start to a very long feud and I have no idea who’s side I’m on. Jesus seriously needs to take the wheel because these bitches are too drunk to drive. Can I be #TeamBruin?
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lone star ladies.