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Jersey Shore Recap: Hello Seaside

By Danielle Levy

Just when you thought this show was over and had exhausted just about everything, the group heads back to Seaside to spend one last night in their shore house- minus the drinking, fighting, and fucking. Other than all that, it’s pretty much the same. We have a preggers Deeners back on the scene and, not gonna lie, that lil meatball was missed. Even though she can’t drink, she’s still a good time.

This episode places a lot of emphasis on flashbacks from the original show and it’s half making me roll my eyes/half making me feel pretty nostalgic. Jenni decides to make a funfetti cake and Mike literally orgasms on the kitchen counter. I assume they don’t have funfetti on Staten Island because this is the first time Angelina’s heard the word and it’s weird. The episode is called “Vinny & Angelina: A Love Story” which is already frustrating because because of her presence on this show but also in Vinny’s life. Yes, it was 8 years ago but it is still upsetting these two have had sex. She starts to elementary-school-fight-flirt with Vin claiming he used to text her back in the day to TAKE HER OUT ON DATES and no one really believes that, right?! This girl is scary because she’d do and say anything for some screen time. She also acts like she’s kidding but we all know if Vin was actually interested she’d forget her faux fiancée back home and spread her legs for that infamous d.

The house then goes absolutely insane, squirting condiments all over Danny’s shore house like it’s '09. Just when I think I’m kinda over this shit, Vin sprays Ang with a fire extinguisher and it’s the best moment this show’s had since Sitch slammed his head into a wall. That’s the best part about this show- they reel you back in right when you’re about to throw in the towel. But honestly, forget this whole fight and the fact that Angelina just stuck her entire ass into a funfetti cake (again- thirst monster), am I right or am I right when I say the absolute most shocking part of the episode is when Sitch ends up eating his slice of funfetti cake out of a bowl instead of on a plate.

We quickly switch over to the West Coast to observe Ron back in Vegas taking on daddy duty and, no tea no shade, it’s just a really cute moment. His baby has the biggest, cutest cheeks I’ve ever seen and it’s a shame she has a car-dragging lunatic for a mother.

Back to regularly scheduled programming-- seeing the crew in Ron and Sam’s old room (the birth of “Rahhhn Stahhhhp” and where no furniture was safe) is such a reminder that we need Sam back on this show. She added an element to the show that we never knew we'd miss or want, but we do. Sitch then asks MVP to be groomsmen in his wedding, but explains that he might not have Ron in the wedding party because it “he has a lot going on and it may be too much for him.” I’m sorry but what the fuck does being a groomsman entail other than showing up at the wedding with a tux on? Just be real and admit you don't like the guy!

Not sure how THIS happened but Angelina opens up to the other girls about her relationship and acts like a genuine human being for 5 seconds. The best part about her divulging her issues is that we get a brief sentence from Jenni herself relating to Ang re: her relationship struggles with Roger, though we don’t get much more than that. This episode was filmed over the summer and months before it was announced she filed for divorce, but its been reported the two have been having trouble for a while.

Finally, the group hits the boardwalk and Deeners reminisces about being arrested 6 years ago and they flash back to the whole thing, which makes me wish someone would get arrested in this ep except they’re all drinking virgin daiquiris and getting along and I’m bored. Also referenced is the time Snooki got punched in the face at Beachcomber (fun fact: my brother’s friend is actually the guy who punched her) and when this show really became a hit (no pun) 9 years ago.

I really did think (kinda hope?) this show was over last week because it seemed to be dying down in terms of drama and I was pretty confused as to how this wasn’t the end, but it looks like it’s STILL not over. They actually reunite again, except this time it looks like they get crazy and fight strangers again like the cast we all know and love. Again, reeling you in to the show when you think you’re done and serving some iconic content.

Jersey Shore Family Vacation airs Thursdays at 8/7c on MTV. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on all the GTL drama!

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