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Shade of the Week: Brandi Redmond

I don't know if I've liked a Housewife less than this one.

Dorito Kemsley is more annoying than a cat in a dryer and Kim Zolciak is an ignorant white privileged bitch, but the evil game playing Housewives are always the ones I genuinely despise the most. You're probably confused reading this because from my extensive reality TV recaps I always proclaim to love the villain because they drive the plot and make something happen on these trashy shows that I enhale like meth, but there's a difference between being an unfiltered, outspoken bitch and scheming behind the scenes to try and take others down. Allow me to explain:

LeeAnne Locken and Brandi Glanville are two of my all-time favourite Housewives. They react to drama, call out the bullshit in their selective cities and are always at the centre of the drama. Threatening to kill someone and throwing glasses at people also doesn't help their cause. However flawed or fucked up they may be there are a few things you can't deny: they're honest, entertaining and what you see is 110% what you get. The Housewives who are highest on my shit list are the ones like Brandi Redmond and Lisa Vanderpump who scheme behind the scenes to take others down and play the victim like they are playing fucking Anne on Broadway, which is why she's one of the biggest villains we've seen. They aren't honest, they twist words, hold onto things because they need a storyline and only deliver us seasons with their annoying kids or fluffy dogs.

If Brandi Redmond owned her cunty behaviour I'd probably like her. If she was true to herself and admitted that she hates LeeAnne I would probably be waving a red flag for her all day long, but she tries to hide behind faux concern and pretends she cares about LeeAnne's relationship. Brandi cares more about Mark's Roundup pleasures than she does about whether or not LeeAnne gets married but she needs an excuse to poke the bear so that the bear bites her back. Brandi always pretends like LeeAnne has done a whole laundry list of things to her but in reality, she squirts a little every time LeeAnne goes on another one of her midnight rages because it means she has another thing to bitch and moan about to try and secure her spot.

Her friendship with D'Andra is also more sceptical than Shannon Beador's internal thoughts. I was going to dedicate this Shade of the Week to D'Andra due to her downfall of a season this year but because she only revealed her dad committed suicide in a drunken rage this week I decided against ripping her to shreds. D'Andra's first season was amazing. She brought us Mama Dee, had a solid friendship with LeeAnne and was an entertaining voice of reason in a group full of extensions and drama, however, I don't know if she thought she needed to go up against LeeAnne for dramatic purpose or was just really in the mood to destroy her liver with Brandi but she is looking worse than an elephant's vagina this season. I still have a soft spot for her but she's a victim of the second season curse and that golden gay big bird blouse in the last episode was tragic.

The reason I like D'Andra more than I do Brandi is that she's only a victim of the redhead's manipulation. I don't think she can see that the only reason they are friends is that Brandi enjoys fucking with LeeAnne and D'Andra is quite possibly the best way to do that. The only other option could potentially be fucking Rich and his eyepatch but I don't think he likes red carpets. I'm confused whether or not the D'Andra and Brandi vs LeeAnne beef was planned on their behalf because they needed a storyline or Brandi has just subtly manipulated her into it but it's fucking annoying either way.

Aside from her beef with LeeAnne, there are not many times I can find to like about Brandi. Her friendship with Stephanie is fun but the Bambi of the show is so under Brandi's spell it's hard to watch. She's starting to wake up because she's finally willing to actually interact with others but for the first two seasons, Steph was just her pet who day drank with her while they bitched about LeeAnne. The adoption storyline was beautiful because I believe it's one of the best things you can do, it's just annoying that Brandi was the one to do it. The baby is cute but her other two girls are rough to watch, I don't want to bully a kid but her two redheaded terrors, as well as the rest of small children, have no place on Bravo. I want to watch drunk bitches not fight, not little girls give their parents a hard time.

Speaking of the family, can we talk about the husband? Does anyone else think it's creepy as fuck that Brandi and Bryan both have red hair, their names start with the same letter and their last name is Redmond? That can't be a coincidence and I think we all need to do some back checking into their history as a couple because I think she just wanted to be the redheaded Kardashians on reality TV with matching B names and it's just not happening. His face is also... something. He's not ugly but he's not making anyone wet either, he's just inbetween and that's fine but whenever he's in a scene I can't concentrate because his big lumpy nose is all I look at and I'm saying this as a person with a big lumpy nose. Do I think the baby saved their marriage? Yes. They had a rough first season and I think ever since he looked like a bright red asshole on TV they've been working in overtime to make him seem like a good person, even though he travels more than Kim Kardashian in the summer.

Brandi Redmond isn't a good person. Her drunk behaviour was funny in season one when it just revolved around poo and she was beefing with LeeAnne about charity but ever since she got a hint of fame she's been bitcher than a dog on heat. Last season she looked terrible because she was spreading rumours about HER FRIEND Cary's marriage and then back peddled and put it back onto LeeAnne after she was a two-faced friend to her for an entire season. Isn't it funny how Brandi doesn't want to be blamed as a bad influence with D'Andra but that's exactly what she said LeeAnne was on her? Ugh. She's a bad example for gingers everywhere.

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