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Jersey Shore Recap: Oh Yeah, Atlantic City, Yeah!!

By Danielle Levy

Before the cast reunites in AC for the annual debauchery that is Pauly/Mike’s birthday, the episode begins with Deener and Chris’ little turkey meatball gender reveal. Now, we all know that the baby’s a boy (I mean, unless you live under a rock) but the real surprise to me was just how Deeners was able to find and marry the identical male meatball version of herself. The couple seems happy the baby is a boy because now they won’t have to worry about a girl Jersey Turnpiking on a dick 20 years from now they can name the baby after her father. Then, all of a sudden, three deer run up from the backyard and Deena thinks that means that her father is with her but I’m pretty sure it’s just pretty common to see deer in Jersey. We’ll let Deeners have that one though because it’s cute and sentimental and we cried.

Loving that when Lauren appears on screen her title is “Laurens’, Mike’s fiancées”—amazing. Sitch is really winning me over this season with the motivational quote wars and the over-eating. Kinda upset he has to go to the big house but hopefully he just spends his time eating lentils and getting ripped and coming back looking like Sitch circa 2010. Pauly sends D & Chris a hilarious set of balloons with his face on them, refers to the baby as Pauly or Pauline (the only realistic options, obviously) and writes a really nice card apologizing for missing the party. Honestly, such a class act.

Half of this episode consists of the cast wondering where Ron is… ya know, besides for the obvious destination of THE EMERGENCY ROOM. It’s revealed that Ron didn’t make it to Seaside because he was hospitalized due to his injuries from being dragged with a car by his baby moms (please go back and read that ridiculous sentence twice). It is, however, really sweet that he traveled to be at Deena’s gender reveal after she previously guilted him about not being there when her dad died. Also really sweet that Ron looked SO good that Jenni hardly recognized him from his usual train wreck self and walked right by him in Deena’s backyard. PS- Do we think Sam was at this gender reveal?! She is very good friends with Deena and Ron wasn’t expected to show, so I imagine that there might’ve been a run-in and some tension even though she obviously wouldn’t agree to be filmed. Oh well.

What was uncomfortable, however, was Ron admitting to the guys that him and Jen “I Use Cars as Murder Weapons” Harley are going to therapy and trying to work things out. Gotta love Ron’s ability to say this shit aloud on television knowing that he’s being HARSHLY scrutinized by not only his friends but all of the reality tv-watching world. He’s also had about 10 years of experience with this and doesn’t really seem to give a shit that his daughter will eventually see all of this mortifying behavior when she’s old enough. As long as that JS $$$ keeps rolling in I'm sure he's cool with all of it.

We continue the episode with the cast heading to Atlantic City to celebrate Sitch and Pauly’s joint birthday. This episode on the original JS used to be amazing every single year and I’m excited they’re headed back to AC to party but what is a birthday if they’re not having dinner at Rivoli’s?? We need to see them stuff their faces with the largest plates of Italian food we’ve ever seen which renders them all unconscious while Ron wreaks havoc on all of their toilets one by one.

The crew arrives in AC separately but all wonder if Ron’s baby moms is going to be joining him aka ruining the entire trip but Ron finally shows up alone and everyone lets out a sigh of relief. Angeliners begs her [third] fiancée not to embarrass her in front of the group, though I’m not sure what he could do to embarrass her more than she already has herself (i.e period shart in a cab) but regardless, they fight like annoying little kid, she is the most naggy person on earth, and it’s enough already. I’d feel bad for him but it’s his own fault for getting involved.

Finally, while at dinner, Ron asks the final and fatal question. Jen is just randomly “going to be in town” and wants to know if she can join the group for the remainder of the birthday celebrations. Jenni literally spits out her drink which is such an appropriate reaction, but I really just hope Jen comes so that the focal point of the next episode is not this “love triangle” between Angelina, Chris, and Vinny because THERE IS NO LOVE TRIANGLE and I hate that the show is trying to make that a thing. Anyway, can’t wait to see the bottles AND drama pop off during night 2 in AC!

Jersey Shore Family Vacation airs Thursdays at 8/7c on MTV. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on all the GTL drama!

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