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Married To Medicine Recap: Black Hate

I can't wait for Heavenly to throw a chair on vacation next week because this episode was lukewarm at best. Married To Medicine is one of the best shows Bravo has on offer right now, there's comedy, drama and so much shade I start to get cold, but this episode was not one of their best. I doesn't mean that it was bad but those medical mistresses know it wasn't their best work.

Nothing really happened. Quad stopped over to Toya's to talk about her divorce, which is something that's been a tad foreign for Miss Quad this season. She left divorce papers on the counter for Greg to sign and ran out of that house like a thief in the night. Greg is still complaining to all the men that he's having an awful time dealing with it. Too bad. Too fucking bad. Greg was the one who cheated, which is reason enough to call it quits. No one made him put his pinky dick in a hoe's face, that was his choice. But Quad tried to make it work more than I've tried to do anything in my whole life. She tried EVERYTHING and all Greg did was foam on the floor like a fuckwit, so guess what, you get a divorce and you don't get upset. Greg is more annoying than a crying drunk girl and he can't pretend to be sad when he was the one in that hotel room.

Cone's still locked up in her mansion due to her operation and it's getting boring. She's spent half the season holed up in her house but are we supposed to believe that she's finally well enough to leave the house just in time for the cast trip? Cone is avoiding filming because she can't be bothered but of course, she'll chase her check overseas. Ugh. Cone is exhausting and I'm confused how she even made it to this season, she was holding onto her Bravo contract by her pinky finger but she fell off the edge by not participating AT ALL this year. I don't even think she's appeared on WWHL yet. I mean no ones complaining, but still you have to work for your check. I don't even have anything else to say about CONE-Tessa but to give her a pink slip and call it a fucking day.

Towanda Braxton stopped by Heavenly's dentistry to get a free cleaning and spill some tea. I love whenever we see a Braxton on this show, it's like finding a prize in a cereal box, it's just some added greatness. I LOVE how the Braxtons and Atlanta Housewives live in this world where the Married To Medicine ladies are their actual doctors, how fabulous is that? I would live in boughy ATL just for the perks of getting my teeth and vagina checked by these ladies. My Braxton knowledge isn't too advanced but I know Towanda is one of the background ones, but not the background one who everyone abandoned. She was talking about her cheating husband and I suggest she marry a doctor pronto to get on this show because Braxton Family Values is going downhill faster than a fat kid rolling down a hill and I'm sure she needs the check.

Apart from building the budget Chateau Sheree and swearing in front of her children, Toya decided to throw the annual couple's trip. Who is she trying to fool? We all know the producers plan the trip, choose the destination and book any and everything that this group get up to, but for storyline purposes let's just go along with it being Toya's trip. Why do they need to bring their men along anyway? This group work way better when it's just the girls celebrating their black girl magic and I'd rather see that than a bunch of boring men running along trying to get some screen time. And is that random "almost friend" Dr Jarrett going to tag along because she's trying to be something in the background of this show but it's just not happening. Miss Jarrett is the fetch of this show. Honestly, this episode was only needed to set up the cast trip because nothing happened at all.

To end the episode, Mariah threw a black love party and invited the girls to come dressed as their favourite black couples which was a great idea. I love costume parties, especially couples ones. It's fun, creative and who doesn't love seeing grown adults fight in over the top Halloween costumes on a Tuesday. In real life, no one goes ALL out for a costume party but these Bravolebrities devote their lives to it and I appreciate it. At least it wasn't another Great Gatsby or White Party because I cannot take another one. Cecil and Simone went as a couple from Love & Basketball but I feel like I'm too white to know what that is. Is it a movie? Another reality show? I'm confused but who doesn't want to wear shorts at a cocktail event?

The random new girl and her husband went as a very confused Will & Jada. Toya and Eugene went as Steve Harvey and his wife which was a fun idea until Eugene's moustache fell off and he just looked like Eugene in a suit. Jackie and Curtis went as the Obamas and I am personally offended. To my core. Barack never cheated on Michelle. Barack never acted like an asshole on national TV. Barack never had a side piece with hotel receipts. Honestly, I agree with Simone, if these two wanted to stick to their political vibe they should've ditched the black part of the theme because we all know this couple are more suited to be Bill and Hillary. He's a cheating asshole and she's a strong, determined businesswoman who stuck by her man even after his cum stain (or Shade Room receipts) were revealed. Simone's squeaky laugh kills me on a regular day but I was dying after she threw that piece of shade. Simone is the best part of this show and I'm glad she has finally warmed to the idea of her husband entering her once again.

Oh, I almost forgot. Mariah and her Bangladeshi husband ended the night as Cookie and Lucious from Empire. Mariah is like a budget Cookie and she wishes she was married to a gangster with a singing career over her south Asian doctor so this was definitely the best idea for these two. Good work Mariah, she may have gotten fired from her own show but she pushed through with this idea. Of course, it wouldn't be a Bravo party without drama but Quad didn't even have to be there to stir shit up. Quad had a breakdown in the aisle of the party costume store which is the one scene we NEEDED in this episode. Are you telling me we had to watch an hour of this boring shit but we couldn't see Quad howl in a costume shop? These producers need to step up their game.

As a result of Quad and her wig wallowing about the demise of her marriage in party city, she didn't go to Mariah's Black Love party which is understandable given the fact that she no longer has black love in her life. If I got a divorce a week ago there's no way I'd be attending a messy bitch's party who I don't like to begin with. Heavenly stayed in with Quad for moral support which was a sister moment and she didn't even need a second to think about ditching Mariah's party, which was probably a good idea because Tina and Ike Turner is the worst possible costume for a Black Love party. A Black Hate party sure, but beating the shit out of someone definitely doesn't constitute for love.

Quad and Heavenly thought Mariah and her messy ways planned the Black Love party to shade Quad's new divorce and there's no way Mariah didn't account for her newly single frenemy when she planned the party. Messy Mariah can say whatever she wants but she is a smart reality star who knows that if she pisses off the right people and plays dumb that it will secure her a storyline for the rest of the season and make her have something to talk about at the reunion. Mariah may have got fired off her own show but she's back and she's here to fucking stay. I'm sure Mariah will be mad at them for not attending her event and she'll act like she didn't throw it to be a bitch. It's not shade, it's praise. Mariah Huq knows how to play the reality TV game and that messy bitch is playing it better than Mozart plays the piano.

Married To Medicine airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these medicial miracles!

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