RHOA Recap: Pass The Peach
When the Atlanta Housewives are good, they're great but when they're bad it's like watching ships passing in the night but with a couple wigs and peaches thrown in for dramatic effect. I want to enjoy this season and the Bailey-Q was entertaining, however, we only got to see ten minutes worth of footage while they wasted the rest of our time with boring couple seasons and everybody slowly arriving at the party. The ladies arriving had more airtime than the party itself. Atlanta is best when they have group scenes because all the ladies play off each other's naturally funny personalities, so in future, they need to focus more on the ladies' interactions with each other rather than boring storylines and longwinded scenes of their greetings, if they want this show to succeed.
I love a crossover and seeing Dr Jackie of Married To Medicine fame pop up every now and again is always a welcomed surprise. I love how the RHOA, M2M ladies and Braxton sisters all live in the same universe of Atlanta fabulousness and we get to see all parties have little cameos on each other's shows, it's also amazing how Bravo managed to dedicate an entire show just to the doctors of a Housewives show, money WELL spent. Kandi wants another baby even though she already complains about never having time for the ones she has now but due to her pregnancy struggles she is looking into surrogacy. Can't they just adopt? Adopting a baby is free and helps out a child in need compared to surrogacy where you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, for what? A kid that's genetically related to you? Go out and adopt a poor kid from the streets. To each their own, but it seems more responsible financially and civically to adopt.
It's episode four and I'm ready sick of talking about Porsha and Dennis. I'm bored. They had dinner with his mother and even she could tell this relationship is moving faster than Usain Bolt but had to sit back and let her son make his own mistakes. Anybody who says they love somebody after knowing them for a couple of hours after they already have tattoos of several women's names and faces is a sign to run away not get closer to the mess, unless you are a reality star in need of a storyline and it's the perfect solution. Dennis seems like he falls hard and fast but then recycles his bitches when he decides their pussy tastes too familiar. Porsha better be spraying her little sister with flavoured lube to give Dennis a different taste to keep him around. I don't have high hopes for this relationship and I think Dennis' mother's face and the shady editing says it all.
Eva had a boring lunch I didn't take notice of with her husband, 51 Cynt had another racy FaceTime session with her new boyfriend full of sexual innuendos and Shamari went cake shopping for her one-year-old twins party. Are you fucking kidding? There's nothing worse than a first season Housewife trying to show off their money by overspending for their child's birthday party which they won't even remember. It's ridiculous and no one is impressed. Calamari spent $900 on cake for a baby's first birthday, when she should've gone to Walmart, purchased a Funfetti cake and called it a day. Apart from the irresponsible spending, we also had to sit through a very forced scene of her talking to her mother-in-law about their troubled relationship. Um. We don't care.
The entire scene felt very fake and manufactured because a mother and daughter-in-law would never buy $1K worth of cake and then talk about their past problems. Whatever happened before they joined this show we don't need to know about, if the mother wants to be messy while Bravo is rolling go ahead, but they don't need to have forced scenes to make us care about her existence on this show. She also claimed/insinuated she wanted a divorce after her husband cheated on her but then decided to have an open relationship because she wanted to eat pussy for a while. That sounds perfectly logical.
Why is this something she needs to talk to her mother-in-law about let alone talk about on camera? She's bringing up old news to try and be relevant and controversial but it's just tragic to watch, why should we care? I feel like they are pushing Shamari down our throats and like a Saturday night full of drinking, I'm vomiting her back up. I don't care about getting to know this girl and I wish Bravo would swoop in and give us a familiar face like Kenya and Sheree to make me feel like I'm watching RHOA and not Love & Hip Hop.
51 Cynt held a Bailey-Q at Lake Bailey which is a BBQ with Cynthia's name added on the front because she can't seem to do anything without branding her name onto it. She couldn't even age without creating some kind of name. The arrivals of the women to this party took up the majority of the episode and I wanted to go to sleep before they were even done arriving. Can't they cut out the bullshit fake hugs and just fast forward us to the good stuff? It was a Fourth of July themed party so everybody was wearing white, red and blue and had to bring along food and a plus one for the occasion. Bravo was obviously trying to test who they wanted to hold a peach at this point because there were so many background characters looking for a moment.
Cynthia's sister with no energy Malorie was there, Kandi's ex-assistant who Mama Joyce threw her shoe at attended, Porsha brought Shamea who loves cameras more than Snoop Dogg loves pot, NeNe invited Marlo along for obvious reasons and we also met another new girl, Tanya Sam. Unlike Calamari I love Tanya. She has a great positive open energy, a sexy raspy voice, loves a good label and works in IT. That's all we know about her but that's enough for me because she is not a peach holder at this time. I don't expect a lot from her due to her "friend" status and overall polite behaviour but I like her as a human so far and I don't feel like she's trying as hard to fit in and make her presence known as the other new girl. Tanya is great and she may need to give Shamari tips on hair, makeup and how to carry herself on camera without looking like a desperate mess.
The girls endlessly shaded Shamari's style in their confessionals and they aren't wrong. She looks like a baby prostitute from a 90s music video with her gold chains, boob tube and sloppy wig. Her blonde hair in this episode looked like it crawled on her head to die after somebody drowned it in water. It was a rough look and you'd think that you'd employ a stylist if you were joining a reality show, especially RHOA where hair is the main accessory. Every scene with Shamari is tough to get through and I hope she starts some drama soon to try and justify her place on the show.
At the Bailey-Q, Cynthia decided to play a game of Pass The Peach, where you had to read a shady question and pass your peach to whoever the answer applies to or give it to someone else to answer the question. It was a game made in producers heaven and was definitely needed to try and determine who was peach worthy in this group. They should definitely practice this ritual every year to seperate the weak from the shady. Although it was thoroughly entertaining to watch because these women are naturally funny and know how to make good TV, there wasn't too much to report so I'll just go through the list of what I learned:
Porsha claims to have never done anal, even though Kandi knows a different narrative about Go Naked's cornhole, Shamari was in an open relationship and wanted everyone to know and the count of carpet munching has officially gone to three in this group with Shamari admitting to having sex with women. Why is there always lesbian undertones on this show?
Apart from the fun facts, the main person under pressure in this episode was Eva. The bride-to-be thinks her shit doesn't stink and is walking around unbothered and unthreatened. You can tell from Eva's attitude she thinks she is a fan favourite and above the drama in this group, but she should learn that in reality TV they build you up to take you down and if you feel untouchable than you're in for a season full of shade and conflict. Eva sucks. I've said it before and I'll say it again, she sucks more than a vacuum cleaner and I'm not here for her orange hair, attempted shade in her confessionals or monotone voice. She asked NeNe to be in her wedding which is odd and uncomfortable because they are not that close and without a reality show binding them together, none of these women would be invited to her wedding.
During the peach passing ceremony, Eva was in the hot seat while her calm, collected and shady attitude got lost in a puff of mess. 51 Cynt called her out for allegedly starting a rumour that she had paid Will to be her boyfriend, in Eva's defence it wasn't as much a rumour but a commonly accepted fact, he was her TV boyfriend and while she never paid him I'm sure someone at Bravo was passing him Benjamins under the table.
The ladies also questioned her on her two-faced behaviour towards Shamea, however, of course, she didn't own her behaviour in either situation and just fumbled along until they decided to change the subject. Why are we still dragging the Eva vs Shamea feud out? It was boring when it happened and I'm confused how and why we are still talking about it. It was delicious seeing Eva get frazzled and pressed after acting like the cool girl all season and I hope we see more girls calling her out throughout the season to make sure she knows her place on the show, which is one step above being fired.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches.