RHOC Reunion Recap: Booger Sugar
This reunion definitely makes up for the shit show we had to endure this season. I finally feel like I'm watching OC Housewives again for the first time in a long time because these ladies are bringing it and being honest with each other instead of having fake polite relationships because nobody wants to jeopardise their "brand" on camera. The only thing I didn't like about this reunion was it's timeslot because having three shows to recap in one night (KUWTK, RHOA and RHOC) is tough, I understand Bravo is obsessed with giving Dirty John an amazing lead-in because they want the show to succeed but my hands are sore from typing.
The first part of the reunion was very Vicki heavy, which is surprising because she arguably did the least of any Housewife all season. Seeing the packages of the drama made this season seem a lot more entertaining and dramatic than it actually was and maybe we should cut out the middle man and just have reunions without seeing the episodes because the clips we did get to see were a lot more entertaining than the season itself. Vicki still sucks and will never be able to redeem herself. She's a liar but to make matters worse she can't even keep her lies straight because she agrees whenever someone calls her out on a lie and just ends up flip-flopping back and forth to stay out of the drama. It's not only confusing but it's fucking annoying because her inability to answer a question truthfully just proves she needs to be handed a pink slip or at least demoted to a friend.
Everything she says is hypocritical bullshit and she needs to seriously attend one of Lisa Rinna's "Own It Baby 101" night classes. She flip-flopped on saying she never wanted to go to bars but then said she had fun drinking at Andales, she said Steve didn't tell her to not drink even though we saw it on camera and claimed she never said Kelly wants to date a rich guy but then said it again anyway. For a smart businesswoman, Vicki looks like a moron, she speaks out of both sides of her mouth and gaslights these women in an unprecedented way. She and Kim Zolciak really need to exchange numbers. I'm done with Vicki, her entire segment at this reunion was confusing and you could even tell Andy is slightly over her annoying ways. Speaking of Andy, this is the first reunion in a long time where he hasn't looked like he wanted to die, he barely even got out of bed for the Potomac and New York reunions so the OC ladies should be relieved he bothered to smile and express any kind of energy for them.
Of course, it wouldn't be an OC reunion without talking about Vicki's men. The typical conversation about marrying Steve came up which I am so over hearing about. Nobody cares. I don't care about Vicki Gunvalson and her latest face so why should I give a hoot about her significant other. She's desperate to get married and probably enjoys pressuring him in front of the cameras and he's just a stale celery stick of a man. Why do they need to get married? It's only a piece of paper and I don't know why it needs to be the topic of every conversation they ever have. Just because you're in a relationship does not mean you need to be married and I'm sick of hearing about it. Vicki also talked about getting Donn's life insurance when he dies which actually seems fair because she's getting back all the alimony checks she paid him over the years, which is probably the one thing we agree about.
Bravo also managed to sneak in a Dirty John advertisement by talking about Vicki's relationship with Brooks. Bravo is already doing the MOST by airing their new passion project after RHOA and RHOC but now they even tried to sell the upcoming show during this reunion. It's amazing PR but also totally transparent. Vicki revealed she wants to sue Brooks for the money he owes her, but why bother? Why go down that path again? He already has no money so she's just going to waste more money in legal fees and revisiting Brooks is not a storyline I'm interested in following. Floating the entire of a Brooks return and talking about the piece of shit is juicy but seeing him became a permanent fixture on this show is not something any of us need. She also revealed she has an excel spreadsheet on Brooks which is fascinating because I didn't know Vicki could even turn on a computer.
Gina's divorce came up as a topic of discussion and after talking about and ridiculing it for an entire season I'm officially done. I didn't care the moment I found out her husband wouldn't be on the show and still can't find a fuck to give. Apparently, she started the show with her marriage half way down the shitter but hoped she'd be able to pull it out, however, after her husband's work banned him from appearing in front of Bravo cameras it seemed pretty tough for them to reconcile any kind of relationship. She talked about him never making her feel loved or complimenting her and after looking for a reason to determine why they got divorced all season, I think I finally can see there was no big event which broke up their marriage.
Gina was obviously in a loveless marriage for a very long time and Orange County AKA the show helped her realise that she wasn't happy and she made a change. Although she would only give vague answers about their relationship all season, I don't think there's any more to it. I do hope he is gay though because that would be juicier than anything that happened this season. She also revealed how they still haven't told their children about their divorce. Who is this, Sheree Whitfield? I don't understand how parents cannot tell their own children things which the rest of the country already know, yeah, her children are young but it only talks one cunty snot-nosed kid in kindergarten with a big mouth mother to make Gina's kids find out the truth. I also appreciate Gina saying she has a better chance of getting into heaven than Vicki because as much as God doesn't accept non-believers, I don't think he accepts liars, cheaters and con women either.
The meat and potatoes or booger sugar of this episode, depending on who you are, was Kelly and Vicki facing off. When Kelly Dodd joined the show and played the role of Vicki's only friend two seasons ago it was evitable she would too wind up seeing the lying gaslighter Vicki Gunvalson really is and I'm glad she's finally seen the light. I'm sick of discussing Vicki's violation of girl code. Kelly wasn't mad about Michael dating or Vicki going on the dates with him, she was just mad about her friend keeping a secret and not telling her. That's it. Vicki Gunvalson is a cunt who either isn't able to receive information and accurately understand a situation or does but chooses to deflect by saying stupid things to attack the other person. The former besties got into a very entertaining back and forth where Kelly was definitely winning with her insults. Kelly knows how to be a bitch and here are some of the gems she came out with:
"I wouldn't date someone who doesn’t have teeth"
"She’s like a fart, she’s silent but deadly"
"She's Lies A. Minnelli"
The Lies A. Minnelli shade was amazing and I'm sure all the gays at home appreciated it. Kelly called Vicki a fart so she retaliated in the only way she knows how, by repeating a rumour and claiming she does coke. Calling someone a fart and a cocaine addict are on two different playing fields and as much as Vicki is truly a horrible human being, I appreciate the drama of it all because this show has been missing it.
The cocaine allegation came out of nowhere and instead of apologising she went even further by saying she never sees Jolie anyway. Vicki is way too much, didn't she learn anything about repeating rumours she heard about Tamra and Shannon? She's the worst and her defence makes her look like an even bigger asshole. Vicki always drops salacious bombs and then defends herself by saying it's not her fault because "I heard it from someone." She's the one who brings the rumours onto the show and makes it public knowledge and if she can't own her behaviour by now she needs to hand her orange in.
Vicki later proved she didn't have any factual evidence for accusing her of doing cocaine and said she only heard it from one of Kelly's friends. Vicki just infuriates me because she tries to pretend as if she doesn't know what she's doing is wrong when she knows exactly what she's doing, bringing up unsupported rumours is her favourite way to defend herself and after 56 years and two seasons of feuding with Tamra and Shannon you'd think she'd change, but I guess not.
Does Kelly do cocaine? Who knows. It's not uncommon in the reality TV world to enjoy some booger sugar and it was only last year Kathy Griffin was saying Andy even enjoys the gift Colombia keeps on giving. Everybody does cocaine but nobody talks about it on camera, it's an unspoken rule. Kelly is obviously an easy target to accuse because she's a loud mouth party girl but if she really did cocaine I think she would've let slip by now.
We ended the episode with Kelly yelling ay production and telling them to "give [her] a fucking minute" which is the act of an all-star Housewife, if you can break the fourth wall while having an emotional breakdown you're doing what needs to be done. I'm 100% #TeamKelly because Vicki shouldn't be getting involved in her family situation and making proofless claims when she was a young child at home. It's irresponsible and everybody on those couches know it, even Tamra and Shannon tried to tell Vicki she's wrong because they've been in those same shoes before but they aren't going to fight with her because they want to keep their jobs and know the fans like it better when they get along.
The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Sunday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first ladies of Bravo!