RHOC Reunion Recap: Thank U, Next
The second part of the reunion revolved around Shannon Beador's favourite topic: Shannon Beador.
I wish every episode of RHOC was as entertaining as this reunion but I guess that's what you get when six women need to create some drama in order to keep their jobs and consistent paychecks after they argued about Shannon's mental health all season. There has been so much Shannon Beador talk this season I think I need a glass of vodka and a Xanax prescription to help me through the pain. Enough is enough and I don't know how many times we can circle the drain, she's a shitty friend who doesn't have the foresight to care about anybody else but her own issues. Why is this the only thing five women can talk about?
Kelly and Vicki somewhat squashed their beef after Vicki gave one of her forced Gunvalson apologies to make the issue go away. She "apologised" for a repeating a rumour she shouldn't have repeated which I think is the 1406th we've heard that sentence come out of her mouth. At what point do you learn not to bring up rumours you've heard on a reality show when you've already had seasons of having no friends because of it? For a woman with a successful insurance business, Vicki is dumb as rocks. I was happy to see Tamra step in and call Vicki out for repeating her tired patterns because it was good for someone keep it real while Shannon stayed "neutral" to appease her only friend left on the show.
Andy declared he was happy to see Kelly and Vicki end their feud but you can see the precum through his pants when women start hurling insults towards each other, so I don't know who he's fooling.
We got an update on Shannon's life since the cameras stopped rolling and due to this entire episode essentially revolving around her orange, here's a speed round of things we learned: her divorce is ongoing because David is representing himself, his new girlfriend is living with him and may or may not be pregnant, there's weird tension between her and David about their kids having a relationship with the new hoe and Shannon is optimistic for the future. I like Shannon and I was a supporter of her for a long time but after this season of her selfish ways being highlighted, I can't look at her the same way. It would be one thing if she just only liked talking about herself but it's another when her friends try to tell her how her actions have made them feel and she turns it around on them to make it seem like they are just trying to make her look bad instead of apologising for being an asshole. It's exhausting and Shannon's a shitty friend.
Along with Shannon, Emily got a fair amount of airtime as most of this season also featured her small, angry, little Mormon husband, however, Shannon managed to be the main factor in that discussion too. Apparently, Shane only became Mormon because of his neighbours growing up which is odd and unless he was giving one of them sneaky blowjobs during their sleepovers I don't understand the attraction to this religion. A Jehovah Witness knocked on my door the other day and although I know it's not the same religion it reminded me of little Shane. The discussion of telephone surrounding who said what about Shane was finally examined when he saw Shannon and Tamra say he reminds them of their ex-husbands, Gina carried the bone back to Emily who then added the word abusive to the sentiment Gina had given her.
It was all a mess but I don't have a strong opinion either way. Emily is allowed to be mad at Shannon for comparing her husband to a shitty human being like David Beador but calling out a similar situation in your own marriage isn't a bad thing to do when we all know it to be the truth. If Emily is allowed to draw comparisons between her mentally ill mother and Shannon than she can do the same with her controlling ex-husband and the Little Bitch. Not to defend the angry little guy but if anyone deprived themselves of the right to enjoy coffee, premarital sex, porn, tobacco, gambling, weed or anything else that actually provided you joy then I'm pretty sure they'd be grouchy and rude too. Emily tried to defend her husband not being affectionate and physically unfeeling towards her by saying he doesn't like the cameras but when she was crying over that baby box, being in front of cameras isn't a reason to not comfort your distraught wife.
My favourite part of this episode was a toss-up between the Shannon Storms "I'm done" montage and all the old school Housewives smirking between themselves and Andy whenever Gina or Emily would try and create a moment to help them stick around for another season. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the newbies both had to do their best job to try and create some kind of drama at this reunion and that's not shade, it's a fact, but I can admire the hustle.
Tamra called Emily out for lying about saying she was going home to see her husband when she really went out and saw friends, which Emily said she only lied about because she had a custody meeting with Shane's ex-wife but then got the date wrong and went home anyway. It was such a weird moment and I don't know how Tamra got that information but she really should've brought it up in the season. I am HERE for a Tamra vs Emily feud because there's obviously some pent-up aggression about the newbie's close friendships with Lizzie and Gretchen and I'm ready to see this relationship be torn apart for the purpose of reality TV, if Emily doesn't end up blaming Tamra for getting her fired this time next year with the rest of the I Hate Tamra Club.
Speaking of Tamra, we also found out hope isn't completely lost for her relationship with Sidney and Eddie is no longer a staircase away from a stroke. Apparently, the specialist heart surgeon has never seen a heart this bad for Eddie's age and after they went into a rare part of his heart it seems like he will be all better, however, he most likely had a heart condition for the majority of his life without knowing. This is such good news and I am so ready for this chapter to be put behind away, mostly so Eddie can continue to live but also so he can start having sex with his wife again but God knows these two need to fuck like bunnies.
We finally discovered Tamra and Shannon's relationship has been rocky since they appeared on WWHL together after Shannon made Tamra's makeup artist spend all her time doing her makeup which made them late for dinner when they had already compromised and spent more money than they needed to by staying at The Plaza at Shannon's request. Jesus Christ, I knew Shannon had diva tendencies but did she really need to stay at The Plaza? Bravo gives them free accommodation when they appear on WWHL, so why the fuck did she need to have her own room at The Plaza? I can't even fathom it and it's the most unbelievable part of the story. I guess we know where David Beador's monthly allowance is going. Tamra also called her out for having a boyfriend throughout filming while complaining about David dating but Shannon defended that by saying her then-boyfriend treated her like shit so it didn't count. I guess she has a type.
I'm proud of Tamra calling her out because after being her emotional punching bag for years on end, it's about time she exploded and was finally allowed to have an opinion because after all, this is the woman who famously shrieked about being allowed to have precisely that.
It's like Eddie's dick, after months and months of not being about to have sex because he couldn't get his heart rate up, he just has to explode. So I guess Tamra has two explosions cumming her way. Pun 1000% intended. Shannon didn't go to Tamra's birthday party in the off season because she was mad about her saying she didn't know she had to pay for water on the show, but there wasn't even any malice on Tamra's end in the clip. Shannon needs to grow some thicker skin if she wants to keep her job because being a Debbie Downer about insignificant comments isn't helping her case.
Tamra Judge has never been more right in an argument and it's because Shannon is a professional victim. She's outraged and offended whenever you do something to her but if you try and call her out for doing something she turns it around. Shannon sucks and I'm ready to say Thank U, Next to both her and the OG of the OC. If Ariana Grande's new smash hit has taught me anything it's that you need to throw bad energy out like a bag of dicks. And that Kris Jenner is a national treasure.
The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Sunday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first ladies of Bravo!