top of page

Southern Charm Recap: Into The Woods

Does Kathryn Dennis live in an alternate universe where time is just an optional construct and texting your friends back depends on your mood? The new queen of the show organised a magical girls trip in the middle of the woods but went missing for five days before hand for unknown reasons. She went to New York and Miami with her new senator boyfriend which left all the girls up in arms after she wouldn't reply to any of their messages. Really Kathryn?

The easiest thing in the world is literally texting someone back. All you have to do is take five seconds out of your day to type on a keyboard and you're set. It's over. It really is that easy. At the end of the day, no matter what Kathryn is going through it's just plain rude for her to disregard her friends and not give them the respect of at least replying back to a text. And how can Kathryn's life be so bad that she can't just reply? Yes, her baby daddy may or may not be going to prison, which is a bonus for her and she has a new boyfriend who's bankrolling her life. What's to complain about? It's just weird, uncomfortable and confusing and even though she always manages to resurface like a cat with nine lives, if this is a consistent issue that your friends have spoken to you about several times, then just fucking reply.

Once Kathryn arrived home, Danni called her to ask about the trip and her recent status of going MIA. Immediately Kathryn got defensive because she knew it would turn into another issue on camera and claimed she hadn't even received a call from any of the other girls, when we literally just saw scenes of every single female on the show trying to cal her and going to voice mail. For someone who's made a living from reality TV, you would think she would smarter than to lie on camera when production has all the receipts at their disposal. Even with the awkward MIA tension in the air Cameran, Naomie, Chelsea, Danni and Kathryn all travelled away to a magical set of tree houses in the woods which looked like a place Tinkerbell would have an orgy mixed with a Pinterest search. It reminded me of Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney's wedding just without the constant cocaine use in the bathroom.

All the ladies went to a wine tasting which was a random idea considering Kathryn, the sober one, planned the trip. Couldn't she at least organise an activity she could do? I know this sounds horrible but I'm over sober people being on Bravo. Just have a drink. It's triggering to see a bunch of people getting fucked up at a table while there's one person sitting in the corner quietly wishing there were no cameras around so they could down a bottle of the closest wine. If Kathryn was drinking she definitely would've given us way more juicy details about her latest romp with Whitney besides the fact that he kept his glasses on the whole time. Did they fog up? Did he thrust and they fell off? I'm so confused. Having sex with Whitney would be like making love to a dead fish with a middle aged lesbian haircut and a Norman Bates kink.

This episode was boring. I'm sorry. Watching a group of actual friends who genuinely like each other isn't enjoyable and at least if Trashley was around they'd all be losing their shit and throwing things at the psycho bitch. The moments of entertainment for me were Craig confessing he watches Frozen when he's sad, Cameran getting tipsy and Kathryn going outside to have a cigarette because I'm glad we've finally gotten to a place with Bravo where the talent are now comfortable talking about having a cigarette on camera, even if they have to stand outside in the cold to do so. Over dinner at the weird Pinterest resort, the ladies all got along talking about their men until Danni decided to help drive the plot and deal with Kathryn going MIA.

Honestly, we all get it. Kathryn survived her disgusting relationship with Thomas, is in the middle of a custody battle, has battled severe anxiety and depression and has just been allowed to have whatever freedom she wants. I understand why she goes MIA but when you make plans with someone and never show up or don't reply to text messages, you've only got yourself to blame and she's been out of the mess for enough time now to know exactly how to deal with interacting socially with her friends. I'm not mad at Kathryn and I would probably be the same way if I were her, but she needs to show her friends the respect they show her and at least consider how they feel when she disappears. That's it.

Kathryn tried to make sense when all the ladies were talking to her about it, however, she was way too defensive for her own good. Everyone literally loves her and wants her to do well but she just needed an attitude adjustment to make her realise how her behaviour was making her friends feel. I'm as sick of these "Kathryn goes MIA" storylines as Kathryn herself is, however, the best way to break this cycle is to take two seconds out of your day to reply to a text. Period. End of story.

Back in Charleston, the boys didn't do anything aside from Austen moping around about his cheating girlfriend who we all know he'll get back together with, while Shep ranted and raved about Madison DMing guys when Austen had a threesome on her. In the wise words of Chelsea: if you don't want to be cheated on, don't cheat. It's not rocket science, it's not geometry, it's common sense. Don't stick your penis where it doesn't belong and your girlfriend won't try to get other penises stuck inside her.

Southern Charm airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our exclusive tea and shady recaps on the Charleston gang.

  • Facebook Social Icon
  • Twitter Social Icon
  • Instagram Social Icon
bottom of page