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Shahs Of Sunset Recap: Cock Fight

Out of all the shows on Bravo, Shahs Of Sunset is definitely the one I'm most excited for every single week. It's fun, it's entertaining, it's dramatic and the editors love to play around with the cast members. It's just easy to watch, especially after sitting through another boring episode of Atlanta Housewives.

This week opened up with Reza asking Adam about sending Mercedes' friend, Ali, explicit text messages. Adam is one of the worst liars I've ever seen and that says a lot considering I've sat through 1000 hours of reality television. First, he denied ever playing Strip Jenga and then he changed his story to "jokingly" telling the thirsty Persian background character about his nude game night festivities. Why would you tell someone, who your husband hates and you cut out of your life a year ago, that you got naked over a board game while your significant other was out of town? These lies aren't adding up.

The biggest revelation from the past few weeks is that Adam is a closet whore. On the surface, he's an awkward, boring church mouse who walks around like he's been held hostage by a gay Persian dictator, and behind the scenes, he's sexting half the males on the show. Clearly, everyone knows a lot more about Adam and his pink jellybean. As frustrating as Reza's behavior can be at times, I'm grateful he's such a pro at the reality TV game that he knew to keep his mic on while having an off-camera conversation with his husband about the cheating rumors. That's what we need in our reality stars. Someone "kind" enough to have a serious conversation away from the cameras, but thirsty enough to give us the audio.

Is it normal for Adam to be sending sexual messages to every Tom, Dick and Persian Harry under the sun, or am I missing something? Following Naked Jenga Gate making it onto the show, Reza decided to ice Ali out of the group by telling Mike he won't associate with anyone who is friends with Ali, which is reality TV speak for "don't film with him so this storyline goes away." Reza was trying to shut this story down before it blew up like a bukkake sundae in his face, but thanks to the invention of screenshot, I don't think these allegations are going anywhere. To remove Ali from the view of Bravo cameras once and for all, Reza set up a lunch with him and Destiney to get to the bottom of what's been going down.

This is the perfect example of a thirsty background character trying to get their moment in the spotlight. By Ali printing off his several receipts and taking them to lunch, it was his opportunity to finally have a place on the show and hopefully start selling Flat Tummy Tea on Instagram and attending OK! Magazine parties. Who would've thought Adam's dirty sex drive would finally be his way onto the show. While at lunch, Ali threw his receipts across the table, like all reality TV hopefuls do, and told Reza that MJ had been saying he wasn't happy in his marriage. Although Mercedes definitely should've have been telling this guy anything about her best friend's relationship, it's not exactly a surprise considering Reza and Adam were on the brink of divorce five minutes ago.

Ali also went the extra mile to accuse Adam of sexual harassment which tells me we all need a copy of those receipts to make an informed decision on whether or not this was a #MeToo moment, or just a horny church mouse trying to be funny. Reza continuously said these text messages don't mean anything because his husband has sent the same things to Mike, but does that make it okay? If Adam's texts make Ali that uncomfortable he should've just blocked him, but then I guess he wouldn't be able to have his messy reality TV moment. Also, why are we talking about these text messages and not the fact that Adam played Naked Jenga? Reza needs to redirect his anger away from this messy queen and onto his nympho husband.

In no time flat, Reza threw a drink on the man accusing his husband of sexual harassment, pushed his car and literally tried to fight him. Is this guy really pushing 50 years old and getting violent in public? I'm down for a dramatic confrontation but doesn't he have real estate to sell or something? Ali is the most insignificant part in this entire thing, he's just the messenger giving us this information. The bigger issues are Adam's weird sexual tendencies and what part MJ played in this entire thing. While this gay Persian battle royale was going down on a Tuesday in the middle of a quiet restaurant, Mercedes was across town at Cedars Sinai having one of the most traumatic experiences of her life.

MJ's pregnancy sounds like a worse experience than getting fingered by Wolverine on your period. First, her cervix broke causing her to be on bed rest for several weeks because it poses a high risk of miscarriage, then her gall bladder stopped functioning and the acid from that can cause a high chance of stillbirth. So she needed to go into the hospital at 36 weeks to have the doctor induce her so she could deliver the baby. After the best moment in MJ's life, the birth of her son, she almost died and had to have her uterus removed meaning she can never have another child naturally. And in the middle of this, Reza was calling her to ask about Ali saying he wasn't happily married. What the actual fuck?

I get it, there was speculation about MJ potentially plotting against him by manipulating a rumor to come out onto the show, however, when your friend goes through a scary pregnancy of almost losing her unborn child and having her uterus taken out, you show up to the fucking hospital. If they’re so close why wasn't he with her at the hospital instead of throwing water on Persian twinks? I am beyond confused. All he needed to do was show up, support his friend and then sort out the issue after. Yes, MJ may or may not have been involved in some LVP level manipulative shit, it's still unclear, however, being there for your friend of 30+ is the bigger issue.

It blows my mind how everyone was just eating lunch and planning events when MJ, a cast member who's been central to not only this show but her costars' lives for over a decade, was in the hospital and nobody showed up. Why isn't anyone addressing that first? Instead of texting the entire group about his hatred for Ali, Reza should've been in the hospital feeding MJ ice chips and playing Cardi B to keep her spirits up, but I guess we'll learn more about this throughout the season.

Along with all this Reza/MJ drama, Mike threw a chic Passover dinner, with his latest girlfriend, where his parents grilled him about his new condo construction plan. I really don't give a fuck what Mike does with his time, but if he wants to be a project manager on a construction site that his brothers are funding for the next two years, then that's his choice. Golnesa also dragged the rest of the cast out to the beach to watch fish fuck under a full moon to help her chances of having a baby. I don't know how much weed GG has been smoking, but this idea sounds crazier than Danielle Staub's frontal lobe. We also met the newest Shah Sara, who is one of R. Kelly's "ex-girlfriends" but the only thing we learned about her this week is that she's Persian, blonde and has a Lilly Ghalichi-esque voice.

Something I'm also confused by is everyone blaming Destiney for this drama? Even though I'm a loyal Mercedes Javid stan, by the looks of things, this definitely seems like a Lisa Vanderpump style plan, with MJ subtly calling the shots while Ali and Destiney to do her dirty work, however, I'm still unclear on her motive. Why would she want to fuck with her best friend while she's in the hospital giving birth? I have so many fucking questions, which is what makes this season so addictive because we have to keep watching to get the answers.

Everyone needs to stop blaming Destiney because it's not her fault. She was given information and as a good friend, she told Reza to his face to try and stop the rumor. The bubbly, Farsi speaking party planner gives me more life than an IV drip and it kills me to see her so bent out of shape over this drama, when it seems like she only had everyone's best interests at heart, because at the end of the day she was only a pawn in the fucked up game that is Shahs Of Sunset.

You know Reza is a seasoned reality star when he's pivoting this tea about his husband to being about who revealed it on camera. Nice work, Farahan, I respect the hustle. Even though this recap probably contradicts what I'm about to say, I actually like Reza, he's dramatic, bitchy, over the top and an integral part of the show. However, he's spent the last few seasons poking and prodding all his cast members with things they didn't want to talk about (i.e. bringing Shalom's ex to ambush GG at a party) so he can't be that mad when the same energy is being pointed back at him.

Shahs Of Sunset airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the flossiest Persians in LA!

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