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RHOBH Premiere Recap: Dorit Drama

Beverly Hills is finally back and I couldn't be happier. If you asked me a few years ago about RHOBH premiering I would have rolled my eyes and dreaded covering this boring show and it's boring drama for twenty weeks, however, the last few years have more than made up for their embarrassing flop era. For the most part, Beverly Hills feels like a real group of friends who fight about real drama which can't be said for most of the Housewives shows at the moment, I mean just three or four years ago who would've thought Beverly Hills would be better than New York? Not me.

These girls started filming this season while the reunion for the last one was airing which I love because right from the premiere it feels like a continuation not a catch up. We didn't have to listen to everyone's rehearsed introduction of what they've been up to while the cameras were down because for these ladies, the cameras never really stopped rolling. The meat and potatoes of this episode was Dorit being held at gunpoint during a home invasion. If we're dealing with this much trauma and drama from the top of the season then I can't begin to imagine the horrors these women have in store for us this season.

Let me start by saying that anyone who believes Dorit faked her own robbery is a fucking asshole. You would have to be a sociopath, a scammer or an absolute cunt to lie about something so serious on international television and although Dorit hasn't exactly been everyone's favourite Housewife throughout the years, she's not going to orchestrate a traumatic lie to stay on a reality TV show. It's scary to think Dorit went from having a house full of cameras and producers filming her FaceTiming Garcelle to having two strangers threatening her life at gunpoint five hours later. You truly never know what's going to happen.

The balaclava clad criminals broke in during the middle of the night, held a gun to Dorit's head, threatened to kill her and stole a comforter worth of designer clothes and cash all while Dorit begged them not to kill her children. After something this traumatic happens to you how do you even begin to get back to your everyday life? The fact that someone with such a public profile could go through something this intense is scarier than Lisa Vanderpump without makeup but when you think about it all of these women are targets for potential home invasions. I mean, if it can happen to Kim K it happen to literally anyone.

They show off their extravagant homes and expensive clothes on television and social media so disgusting criminals are able to study what they've got, where they live and if they're home. By all accounts, mainly her Instagram one, Dorit was still in London so the burglars definitely planned the robbery assuming they'd be invading an empty house. Just because Dorit flaunts her designer clothes on Instagram doesn't make it her fault whatsoever but in the fucked up world we live in, it does give gross people with sick motives access to pulling off things like this. What makes this even scarier is that these assholes can put people through traumatic life changing events, have their actions captured by surveillance cameras and reported on by tabloids and most of the time they'll still never be caught. Kyle STILL has no idea who raided her house all those years ago.

The one silver lining in a situation like this is that Dorit's entire view on life will change for the better. This is a woman who entered every social event dripping head to toe in Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga and any other pretentious designer label she could get her hands on and after having them taken away from her while begging for her life, she realised none of it matters. At the end of the day they're just clothes. Really, really expensive clothes but even the most expensive piece doesn't come close to being as valuable as her children's lives. It's a really shitty way to learn this lesson because it's going to take months (maybe even years) and a lot of therapy before Dorit's able to live her life without having that night play on a loop in the back of her head.

Less than 24 hours after her life changed forever, Dorit went over to Kyle's house to catch up with the girls and talk about what happened. Obviously there's going to be countless Twitter trolls who judge Dorit for filming so soon after the incident but what do you expect this woman to do? She's filming a reality show about her life and unfortunately, this is her life. If she didn't film for a few days and stayed home the same pathetic trolls would be saying it's because she has something to hide so she's damned if she shows her face or not. Dorit's children didn't see the burglars or have any idea of what happened the night before, so wouldn't it be better for Dorit to see her friends for a couple of hours and actually be able to talk about it? I'm sure the last thing she wanted to do was strap on a mic and have a camera thrown in her face but seeing her friends, talking about it and getting out of the house would've been the best thing for her.

After seeing Dorit and her makeup-less face cry about almost losing her life, Sutton's insensitivity towards the situation was more disturbing than Kyle's love of wide brimmed hats. While Kyle was crying about Dorit's home invasion only hours after it happened, Sutton was comparing the stress of Dorit being held at gunpoint to her own designer clothes not arriving in the mail. Yes, this woman really said that. When she wasn't complaining about her own stressful day and saying she needed a therapy session, Sutton was taking digs at Erika's gold digging ways and claiming she doesn't need to date a guy with money.

We all know Sutton got a truckload of money when she divorced her rich ex-husband but if her expensive lifestyle and huge bank account were suddenly taken away, like Erika's was, then there's no doubt that Sutton would be on Seeking Arrangements trying to find her own Big Papa. I appreciate Sutton's effort to shade her costars and start this season off with a bang but she needs to read the fucking the room because A.) one of her costars had a gun to her head a few hours prior so in comparison her issues aren't that bad and B.) this is why none of them like her. Don't get me wrong it wouldn't be a Housewives scandal without a tone deaf middle aged white woman making everything about herself, just ask Ramona Singer, but you can't act this way without expecting some repercussions.

At the moment, Sutton's all high and mighty, talking shit about every other girl on the cast which is great, I love her dedication to stirring shit up. However, if you're willing to talk behind everyone's back then you've got to be willing to say everything to their faces after it gets back to them through a game of telephone, which I don't think she can do. Sutton loves pulling out cheeky one liners about the women in her confessionals but the minute they confront her about her bitchy ways, she cries and plays the victim. The wrath of Erika Jayne would be bone chilling and possibly more traumatising than being held at gunpoint (I'm kidding, get your panties out of a knot) but if Sutton keeps trash talking Erika then she's going to have to grow some balls and get ready for EJ Global to scream at her all over again.

Speaking of Erika, she's having sex with randoms, drunk ordering Taco Bell and dealing with her multiple lawsuits. The fact that Erika got so shit faced she forgot ordering Taco Bell one night is iconic and I'm going to need her to bring her alcoholic super villain energy to this season. For most of her run on this show, Erika has held back so much and the one thing about drunk people is that they NEVER hold back, so maybe we'll finally get to see the real Erika Jayne after seven vodka sodas.

According to Erika, Tom (allegedly) transferring $20 million into her LLC was disproven in court documents which in her mind exonerates her from this entire situation and while I want to believe her so we can focus more on her booze intake and sex life, until I see evidence that proves this, I'm not forming an opinion either way. Erika snapped at a producer in her interview saying Bravo should do their diligence and find the evidence which proves her right, but they didn't flash anything across the screen so either they couldn't find anything or they don't want to throw EJ Global a bone.

In the midst of all this drama Lisa Rinna also bitched about Sutton shading her on Watch What Happens Live which is a bunch of petty bullshit that I'm sure these bitches will be talking about for the next four episodes, so I'll save the armchair analysis for when these two finally come face to face. However, the one notable thing Rinna did this episode aside from showcase a gorgeous confessional look was remind everyone that Harry Fucking Hamlin is turning 70.

How is this man 70-years-old? How does that make any sense? I'd think maybe 60 or even 65 at the most but 70-years-old!? When Rinna said that my mouth hit the floor faster than you can say Munchausen. I guess if I want to look like Harry at 70 I've got to start growing my own veggie patch, take camping trips to Canada and spend 40 years in Hollywood to learn how much filler and Botox you need to look ten years younger without ending up with a cat face.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the 90210 ladies