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RHONJ Recap: Cracked Egg

The Real Housewives of New Jersey | Season 8, Episode 5

Margaret returned from her Vegas trip to wash her puss and her pits - TMI! Before sneaky Margaret hopped in the shower her mutual friend that she shares with Siggy dropped by to spill all the tea about Siggy's latest party. Margaret was nearly having an orgasm over all the drama that had occurred, I can relate! Marge is also looking to develop a shoe line which (consequently) has to be developed in Milan. I guess that was how the producers found a reason to take the girls over to Italy later on.

Joe Gorga is still trying to set up his restaurant. He decked the place out with pictures of their family and of course Teresa wasn't happy. Obviously she was still harbouring resentment towards Melissa over her parenting advice and Teresa was lashing out in different ways. She started complaining about the photos (that Joe Gorga picked) and then brought up the fact that Melissa isn't a real Gorga and that if they got divorced she wouldn't be one anymore. What is this 2011? I thought this shit was over! Mrs GORGA stormed out of the restaurant which I would too. First she gets ambushed with a "family restaurant" and now she has her bitchy sister-in-law coming for her? Mmm, no! And isn't Tre's last name isn't Gorga anymore, it's GIUDICE!

Relationship expert Siggy is still dealing with her son going off to college. She had a nice dinner with her parents who reminded her that it was hard for them to say goodbye but they had wanted Siggy to be happy and basically told her that she should be grateful that Joshua is moving to an entirely different country! I feel like I've seen this scene before on another one of the Real Housewives show. Sending your kids off to college has been a more frequent storyline than getting a boob job. See: Kyle Richards, Yolanda Hadid, Ramona Singer, Kathy Wakile, need I say more?

Teresa went bikini shopping with her daughter Gia who is 15 going on 45. Seriously this girl is more mature than most of the women on this show! She told her mom that she actually needs to discipline her children but who knows if Tre will take it on board. I watched an old episode the other day and Gia has grown up so much. She went from being the over dramatic little girl to being a responsible teenager. I guess having two parents go to jail does that to you.

Later that day the GORGA's go over to Tre's mansion to squash their beef and Teresa's kids were still running a muck. I love watching Milana though. Teresa acknowledged that she was pissed about the parenting comments and somewhat apologised to Melissa. This might be one of the first times I've heard the words "I'm sorry" leave Teresa Giudice's lips. Melissa could tell it was an empty apology but she doesn't need to reignite her war with Teresa. God help us.

Siggy and her husband Michael Campanella had dinner at his favourite restaurant, but he didn't make quite the entrance that Siggy made at hers. I love a real housewife that loves her husband so much that she says his full name. Siggy announced that she wants to start her own overnight therapeutic retreat to help people and Michael wasn't too pleased. Siggy negotiated her way to teach two retreats a month and Michael still wasn't happy. Now that Siggy only has one kid left in the house she should be able to spend 2 nights a month doing what she loves. I am #TeamFlicker 1000% if you look up loyalty in the dictionary it's a picture of me and Dolores Catania! I'm hoping so bad that she sends these girls on one of her retreats!

It was finally the Gorga restaurant tasting night and Teresa still had an attitude about Dolores because of Danielle's lies. Margaret was the first to show up and had a weird flirting interaction with Tre's dad. LIGHTBULB! Maybe she could set him up with Marge Sr, they look alike so who knows, he might dig it. Siggy and Danielle showed up (separately) and all the men moved into the kitchen while the girls started discussing Dolores and Frank's relationship. I always feel bad for the husbands because they all have to awkwardly get along while their wives scream and pull each others hair out. Teresa talked so much trash about Dolores's situation. Umm, isn't this the girl that wants unwavering loyalty? Nice double standard Tre.

Just for the record I don't see anything wrong with Frank living with Dolores. They've been divorced for 18 years, they have two children together and they both have significant others. Why should anyone else care?

While Dolores still wasn't there, the girls utilised this time to talk about her as much as they could. Danielle brought up her lie about Dolores which made everyone say "why would Daniele lie?" - maybe to stay on a TV show? DUH! Siggy backed her friend Dolores against Margaret and her pigtails which indirectly reignited their beef. Joe Gorga made a heart felt speech about his parents and his new restaurant which was quickly over shadowed by the drama that was to come. Dolores joined the party and that's when the real fun began. Dolores walked in, said hello to everyone expect Danielle and then talked trash about her so loud that she could hear. I am loving Dolores and Siggy this season, they aren't letting anyone get away with anything. Joe Gorga tried to get her to talk out her problem with Danielle to which she called her a cracked egg. That is my favourite line - maybe ever? I mean think about it, there's no fixing Danielle she is a cracked egg!

Before too long all the girls were at one table together and it was on. Cake gate may have been over but wreath gate was just beginning. Siggy is mad that Margaret didn't invite her to the wreath ceremony on the beach and began taking digs at Margaret's "Made in China" business. Then Teresa got involved by saying that Dolores shouldn't hate Margaret. Ugh. It's so obvious that Tre is passive aggressively coming for her "friend of 20 years." Dolores gave me such Caroline Manzo vibes because she stood her ground and didn't let Teresa get away with her bullshit. I used to think that Caroline was the only RHONJ who could go up against Tre but I'm seeing that Dolores has just as big balls and intelligence as Mama Manzo.

Somehow Siggy started yelling at Margaret saying "YOU ARE ONE OF THE UGLIST HUMAN BEINGS IN THE WORLD FOR MAKING FUN OF ME!!!" I think it's fair to say that Siggy isn't too fond of Marge right now who just sat there with her pigtails. The dynamic duo Dolores and Siggy left the party but not before Siggy danced behind Margaret. I don't know she was doing - but I loved it. Dolores was inches from the door when Danielle tried to stir up the drama by asking Dolores about her "new man." Dolores responded in best way possible which was getting into her face and telling her that's none of her business. YES Dolores! Put that snake back in her place. Siggy and Dolores left the party and drove an even bigger edge between themselves and the other girls. This is what a call a redemption season!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the craziest ladies in Jersey!