RHONJ Recap: The D Is Back
It feels like 30 years since we last saw the Jersey Housewives, but in reality it was only two weeks. The girls picked up where they left off which was Margaret doing her perfect Soggy Flicker impression. The Sig retaliated by whipping her pigtails out but it didn't receive the laughs from the crowd that Margaret's did. Siggy and Margaret reconciled their differences and The Marge did apologise for the Soggy Flicker comment because of the bullying ties that it connected to Siggy. Melissa also jumped around pretending to be Siggy (or Soggy), but they hugged and put their beef in the past.
Next up was Danielle who surprising chose to talk about her beef with Teresa, rather than Dolores who had suggested that she was a drug addict the night before. I couldn't stop laughing when Danielle was crying about being bullied for Teresa calling her a prostitution whore, I know it's not funny but it gave me SNL vibes. Teresa apologised but I don't think she released or cared about what it meant to Danielle. She also got roped into apologising to Danielle's two grown daughters as well.
After the girls had healed, they got super dressed up just to sit in a room with Siggy and her lawyer friend and talk about their biggest issues. Margaret talked about her struggle with her step kids that refuse to talk to her, Teresa talked about the resentment that she feels about Joe because she thinks he is the reason she went to jail and Dolores used the therapy time to plug her own dog charity event. At least she knows how to make a hard sell.
All the Jersey girls got back from their therapeutic retreat and they were as "close" and connected that they've been all season and all their beef seemed to have subsided. Teresa headed over to Siggy's house where she told her to channel her inner Soggy and abandon her old Italian ways of not feeling emotion. I can't remember the last time I saw Teresa cry. Maybe at Marge's memorial in Boca? Or was it with her dad in Puerto Rico? I guess Teresa cries more than I think. Siggy also spilled the tea about how her butt pellets are making her horny af. Good for Siggy.
Dolores had her dog event which should have made all the girls feel better about themselves by not being the only bitches in the room. No tea, no shade. Danielle tried to be extra and bring her dogs in a stroller. Ugh. She needs to take her engaged ass back to the Miami cartel. While Teresa was doing her best to pretend like she wasn't scared of dogs, Melissa told Siggy about how Danielle thinks her makeup with Margaret wasn't genuine but Siggy has no fucks left to give when it comes to Danielle. #TeamSiggyFlicker
Over at the other end of the park Margaret was saying that even though she knows that Danielle was been a troublemaker in the past she thinks that she is being a true friend to her now by saying that Siggy isn't being real. WRONG. Danielle doesn't care about anything except Danielle's bank account, sorry Marge! I love the constant drama that Danielle is delivering but I DO NOT love Danielle. No ma'am.
Once Dolores' charity dog day was done, she headed over to the historic site of Kim D's POSCHE fashion store to try on dresses with her bestie. Two of Kim D's son's friends were shot and burned in his car so she decided to donate the proceeds from her fashion show to their charity. Kim is a shady bitch with potential mob connections so who knows if the money will actually make it to the charity. Siggy and Dolores agreed to walk in her fashion show but once their looks were picked out, Kim D was ready to spill all the tea.
Siggy told Kim that Teresa and Melissa weren't going because they don't like her which gave Kim D the perfect ammunition to spread her lies. She said that Teresa rekindled an old flame but Siggy told her that unless she has seen the weewee go into cookie then she needs to shut her mouth. Dolores also debunked the rumours by saying that Teresa has no other flames to rekindle because she has only ever been with Joe. True tea bitch. I didn't realise how much I missed seeing Kim D's messy cigarette stained vocal cords on my screen until she made her comeback. You've got to give credit where credit is due, because has done the most to try and be a full time housewife, but it's never happened.
After the whole group had been healed at Siggy's therapeutic getaway, they were ripped apart again by Kim D's lies. It always seems like everything is good until outsiders come into the group and ruin the pre-existing relationships. Melissa arrived at the group dinner first and had to be explained what a bat mitzvah was. How did she not know that? Once all six ladies assembled, Melissa and Margaret invited the ladies on their trip to Milan. I love the terrible acting that occurs on these Housewives shows whenever someone brings up a trip because they have to act like they haven't already heard about the overseas trip in production meetings.
Finally once everyone was caught up on Milan, Dolores brought up Kim D's fashion show. I don't think that Teresa cares that Dolores and Siggy are friends with Kim D, but I think she is pissed that they are filming with her and giving her camera time to spread her lies. I see both sides of the argument so I am on the fence, but Melissa Gorga doesn't like that. She wanted Dolores and Siggy to pick a lane and not stay in the middle, even though she has been doing that all season long. Siggy said that she only judges people on how they've treated her but Marge asked her if she would still like Hitler even if he wouldn't kill her? WOAH, I understand what she was saying but from the look on Siggy's face, I can tell that the Hitler comment is going to be brought up a lot!
The girls barely even paid attention to Margaret's comment before Teresa started throwing glasses and screaming because she thought Dolores wasn't sticking up for her. Before I knew it, all six ladies were standing up screaming about god knows what in a public restaurant with everyone watching. What I would give to be in that restaurant. Suddenly Dolores and Siggy were back hating Margaret for some reason before they stormed out. The remaining four ladies sat at the table plotting their takedown at Kim D's fashion show and ate their food, completely immune to the scene they had just caused. This is Jersey Housewives. The line has definitely been drawn in the sand which is sad considering how the episode started. Two steps forward one step back.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the craziest ladies in Jersey.