RHONJ Reunion Recap: Professional Victim
We finally got to the end of the season and in the same way I was happy to have these ladies come back, I'm equally as happy have them take some time off. Don't get me wrong I love me some New Jersey but I think I've had enough fights about cake to hold me over until the next season.
The second part of the reunion started with Teresa standing up to try and come for Kim D but she's still on probation so she sat her jailbird booty down. Is Kim D that dangerous that she needs her own isolated chair? Andy played the clip and the two sworn enemies started fighting. You know a beef is real when they can't even make it through the footage without taking jabs at each other. I know this is an unpopular opinion but I want Kim D full time. She's the only person on this show willing to be honest and get her hands dirty to stir up some drama. You know that the show is stale when I'm requesting Kim D become a housewife!
Kim D told Teresa that she goes through friends like she goes through underwear which was my favourite line of the episode, good one Kim! Teresa started yelling at Dolores because Kim D said their relationship was shaky and even Andy needed to intervene to make Tre shut her mouth. Melissa tried to have a "nice" conversation with Kim who just kept clapping back with nice, honest responses. You could tell that all Andy needed was some popcorn because he was loving watch Kim D run her mouth. She called all the girls frauds which Teresa got mad about, but she literally went to jail for FRAUD. Did she forget something?
After some back and forth Teresa came out with the allegation calling Kim D a madam. Seeing Kim D run a whore house out of POSCHE would be the best storyline in Housewives history. By the way, I forgot how to spell POSCHE but I used Tre's handy acronym! Andy had to ask Kim D if she was a madam which she denied but wouldn't be opposed, which is probably the best answer someone has had to that question. If Kim D wasn't already running a prostitution ring she'll probably look into it now. Maybe she can hire Danielle for old times sake. Kim's crypt keeper outfit definitely meets the standards to be a madam.
Siggy started crying because everyone was fighting and Andy attempted to send Kim D off because Teresa reminded him to let Danielle have a couple swings at Kim. The prostitution whore blamed Kim for having her hair pulled out of her head at that country club but TERESA WAS THE ONE CHASING HER?! Why is this coke riddled escort rewriting history? Kim D did walk out with the letter that I exclusively obtained but production must have edited out her reading it. What a shame. In a weird way Kim D is the smartest one on this show. She's been around for a long time and knows what she has to do in order to stir up some drama and get a pay check which is what the best Housewives are made of. Keep in mind Kim D was only in the first 10 minutes of the episode but supplied most of it's content!
After the crypt keeper walked off into the distance the conversation moved over to Siggy who is now writing a bullying book. HA! Catch that shade Marge! The Sig might move down to Boca to retire like most Jews do and confirmed that the pellets in her ass are in fact working. All of a sudden she went from talking about her sex life to bringing up Margaret's lawsuits which she responded to by saying it's common business practice to get sued. Is it Marge? Apparently this whole lawsuit stems from a tiny whale. It seem like Siggy has been spending too much time on Radar Online. Siggy also said that Margaret is everything that she teaches her kids not to be, which made me die because I love a good insult!
Andy started talking about Marge Sr and asked if she should date Teresa's dad which is what I said many recaps ago! Andy also told Margaret that Dina Manzo is obsessed with Marge Sr which prompted Tre to talk about her robbery which involved Dina AND her fiancé getting tied up and bashed. Wow. That's very Kim Kardashian of her. All I can think is did Caroline reach out after the news broke? All I want in life is to get Caroline and Dina back on the show so we can get a front row seat into their dysfunctional family, but those two have to much class to air their dirty laundry on TV.
Finally Dolores and Danielle's beef was brought to centre stage. The infamous prostitution whore, who barely said two words this whole reunion, claimed that Dolores called her on the way to drop Frankie at her house and caught her up on all the girls on the show, while Dolores says she was just ringing to tell her she was stuck in traffic. HA! According to Danielle's coke induced recollection, Dolores even talked about Jacqueline on the phone? This is so dumb. It's so obvious that Danielle is just making this up for a storyline because Dolores has enough brains not to talk trash about Teresa to someone as shady as Danielle. Queen Catania suggested that Danielle was on Xanax and called her a professional victim, which is the best description of her and my new favourite phrase. The drug allegation made Danielle flip out and scream back stage in a bid for a full time spot next season, while Dolores stayed on the couch and laughed - this is why she's my favourite. Danielle's outbursts are so transparent and thirsty at this point, it's just sad.
After all the ladies reconvened, Andy brought up the Milan trip which revolved around Margaret talking about Hitler. This whole segment just consisted of Margaret and Siggy yelling at each in the The View style split screen. Remember Rosie and Elisabeth's fight? Those were the days! Siggy was pissed that Margaret referred to Kim D as Hitler and asked "did Kim D build concentration camps?" and Tre said "we don't know." That was easily the best part of the reunion, or maybe the entire season? Did Kim D built concentration camps? Andy even had to ask the ladies if they knew what anti semitic meant because these Jersey girls aren't the sharpest tools in the Housewives shed. Andy Cohen, the only other Jew in the room, stepped in and told Siggy that even his Jewish parents didn't find Margaret's comments offensive which just made Miss Flicker get pissed and shut down the whole subject. Wow, she even went up against Andy. Maybe that's why she "quit".
Danielle left the reunion stage and went back to the hole that she crawled out of while Andy recycled the RHONY tradition and asked the ladies their rose and thorn of the season. He had to explain what that means, because again, these aren't the sharpest ladies. Dolores' thorn was her beef with Tre and her rose was that they are still friends. Siggy's rose was the pellets and thorn was her beef with Marge. Margaret's rose was "new friends" while her thorn was beef with Siggy. Andy asked if these two could ever be friends but let's use our brains here. Melissa's thorn was Joe's mom dying and her rose was Envy. Teresa's thorn was her mom dying (duh) while her rose was her daughters? Does she mean the spoiled annoying daughters who bitched and moaned all season long? Andy decided to end the season the way it started, with a cake, unfortunately no one threw this one but Teresa wanted to lick it off his face. Wow that bitch needs to get laid.
That's it for season 8 and who knows how it will go from here. I'm pretty sure that Bravo will keep the cast the same but just bump up Danielle to full time. The streets are saying that Caroline and Jacqueline could be coming back which I am all the way down for. A secret's revealed special airs next week but let's be real, no one watches those! See you bitches next season for some more Good Tea recaps!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey secrets revealed episode airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the craziest ladies in Jersey.